So fucked off with midwives panicking me over breastfeeding

[VJONES1985]

My (patronising) midwife has just told me that I can't go home without her first witnessing a feed because I have expressed concerns about it. I'm pleased that she is there to offer support and advice when I need it but she talks down to me and makes me feel stupid.

My concern is how to encourage baby to feed when he doesn't seem to want to. I know I should be feeding to demand but so far his demand hasn't been enough and the midwife thinks this is because he is very sleepy, which in turn could be caused by his lack of food. Anyway, I have just told her that I managed to get him to feed even though he hadn't been crying for it.

I have been in hospital since Saturday. As of today I have been well enough to go home and baby is also well although I obviously wanted to get advice on this feeding problem first.

My issue now is that it feels like we are being judged on the feed the midwife sees later. Is she expecting to tell us to stay in hospital even longer if we have an unsuccessful feed? Bearing in mind that breastfeeding is challenging for most people... I am almost feeling pressured into 'giving up' and switching to formula just to be able to go home with my baby.

[SaggyAndLucy]

Frankie see my post down thread re expressing colostrum.

[frankiebuns]

Thanks will hop on over

[noblegiraffe]

Frankish, your milk won't come in till after the birth (usually around day 3) because milk production is triggered by removal of the placenta. You'll only produce colostrum until then. If you go over to the breast and bottle feeding board there are people there who would be able to advise you on expressing before birth.

[frankiebuns]

Thankyou, I'm leaking if I squeeze buts a kinda watery cloudy stuff is this normal? Also left boob seems to be producing more?

[squizita]

To be honest the thing that haunts me on this thread is the PP suggestion to take the DC home because they could always be rushed back into hospital if they become seriously ill... yeah the staff are awful ... but to suggest almost casually to put a child at that much risk to make a point about breastfeeding or the rudeness of the staff?
What if it was too late and the dehydration caused long term damage?

[dottytablecloth]

My goodness, this is a terrible thread and feeling so sorry for OP.

It's reading threads like this that make me not want to even try bf when dc2 arrives. I just couldn't deal with being treated like this.

[DinoSnores]

I'd agree that NHS BFing support is lacking. My DD was BF in the end because of the support of the wonderful, wonderful NCT BFing lady. Thankfully here we have BFing clinics every day (at least during term time) in various parts of the city.

[TarkaTheOtter]

I doubt it would have been picked up quicker dino. Both mine were tt and in both cases it was missed in the hospital (despite it being incredibly obvious with dd). The community midwife spotted both ties.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

Nope, if your in hospital you get ignored for hours, then someone comes along and roughly shoves your nipple in DDs mouth.

Had my HB DD2 not instinctively known how to feed I'm sure the lovely community team would have tried to send round someone who knew what they were talking about, If they hadn't I had NCT contacts that who certainly would have visited.

[DinoSnores]

serenity, I had a homebirth and the MWs left after 2 hours at 2am. We got a visit first thing the next day, when as DS still hadn't fed, she asked my own CMW to visit a few hours later.

When she arrived and DS still hadn't fed, she suggested a small formula top-up in the hope that it would give him enough energy to feed properly. We then had another midwife around for hours in the evening to help us feed and only narrowly avoided admission for DS's feeding issues.

We had a lot of visits over the next few days and DS ended up on regular top ups of formula/EBM and it wasn't until he had his tongue tie snipped after I'd had 2 bouts of mastitis that things got better and we got back to EBFing.

I sometimes wonder, while it was lovely to be at home and I am planning another HB with DC4, if he'd been born in hospital and we'd had to stay for a proper observed feed if things might have been diagnosed and sorted more quickly.

In cases like the OPs, doctors and MWs would be reluctant to encourage a HB as the risk of feeding problems is just higher and sometimes the babies of mothers with diabetes end up in SCBU to treat neonatal hypoglycaemia. It would be far easier for the MWs to have everyone on swift discharges. They don't advise staying in just for a laugh but for proper reasons.

[Serenitysutton]

Some awful Stories here. In situations like this I just always wonder what they'd do if you had a homebirth- midwife stay at your house for 3 days? Doubtful. Therefore I can't see why a hospital birth would be different?

[SaggyAndLucy]

I agree with Tarka, have a go at expressing colostrum. If you ring the antenatal ward they'll probably be able to get hold of some feeding syringes for you. if you start with 1ml size ones, you should be able to gather one drop at a time into the syringe and then freeze. By the time dd was born I was expressing into 5ml syringes and using a breast pump to collect it.
It really made a difference. she did have unstable blood sugar when she was born and colostrum really helped. It also helped her maintain her birth weight. she didn't lose anything.

[TarkaTheOtter]

frankie my ds had low blood sugar after birth (I had gd). One of the midwives fetched a "hot cot" for him to stop him expending too much energy on keeping warm. So that might be worth requesting.
Also, have you thought about expressing colostrum antenatally? Can be useful to supplement with if baby needs it. I managed to hand express quite a "lot" even though I never leaked until after birth.

[frankiebuns]

my baby will be at risk of hypoglycameia for diff reasons as i ahve been on beta blockers for so long and they say breast milk helps stabalize her sugars to avoid a drip in her so thats why i want tto im leaking already so hoping this time my milk is in b4 i have her or comes in fairly quickly i didnt start leaking with ds til 2 days old

[SaggyAndLucy]

I know it's hard, and probably your baby is fine. But as others have said, there could also be underlying issues.
there's no reason to stop bf if you do have to give him formula, he can still get it! check out your local bf support. my local hospital has their own department, called pink ladies and is working very hard to become certified bf friendly.
iv met the chief pink lady in the milk kitchen, and cried all over her because I just couldn't get do to feed. she was amazing! calm, sensible and not afraid to throw her weight around with the midwives.
she got do cup feeding, which is the closest alternative to bf.
If there isn't bf support, could you contact LLL and ask for someone to come visit you?

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Ps a bit of formula doesn't mean you won't go on to bf very successfully (I'm at 13 months now) and it won't do your baby any harm

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Hi. Sorry you're in this situation - something similar happened to me and it was totally infuriating. I wept buckets. I knew if I could just get home breastfeeding would work better and all would be ok, my sleepy baby would thrive. That happened. But we did have to compromise and give the baby some formula just to get out. I hated feeling like I was being judged and found to be failing etc...I was sure I knew what was best for my baby. But would I encourage anyone to go home against medical advice? Never. I look back at photos - in the week we were in hospital my son was losing weight (12% so more than usual allowance) and he looked tiny. I couldn't see it. They told me 'When newborns get sick they can go downhill v quickly' I was too cross to listen but now I appreciate having been made to stay in. They don't do it for their own satisfaction but to ensure you are all on track

[MiscellaneousAssortment]

Absolutely agree that you shouldn't be ignoring concerns around sleepiness and non feeding.

However, if you are having bad experience and bad advice as an inpatient, I would suggest getting better advice via different sources.

Then weighing up whether being at home and where you're not stressed and barriers to bf arent being thrown in your way, whether you should give this a try. All depends on the exact state of your baby - which from my experience you need a paed or really good midwife to ascertain.

[Halfpastthelegofmyshirt]

My baby was sleepy because he wasn't feeding properly and ended up being admitted to SCBU as he was so dehydrated. Please listen to the midwives.

[Plateofcrumbs]

I've just been through this with my own sleepy baby. It is a difficult decision whether to stay in hospital or not and very much depends on the support you're getting at the hospital, what support you might get at home, and any particular medical issues.

I found the support in hospital incredibly variable - I has some good support trying to get BF established but there is a prioritisation of ensuring the baby is fed which doesn't give much room for manoeuvre if BFing doesn't go to plan from the off.

We ended up leaving the hospital on formula but a week later we have turned things around and we are now BFing most feeds. So a bad start isn't the end of the world.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

Sorry been away and had a good think about it and have had a change of mind in regards to going home now.

OP is there any hurry for you to go home, do you have other DC?

I don't particularly like being in hospital (and am assuming most people feel the same) but it won't do you any harm to stay longer where both of you can be looked after (I'm assuming you're getting meals?) and you can get help literally on tap as opposed to going home to chores and an endless parade of well meaning visitors who to be honest I can't imagine will be much actual help.*

*Alot of my visitors stayed for ages unannounced/stuck their unwanted oar in/watched me bf over my shoulder (shudders)/brought their friends to see the baby(gawp at me bf) but who were strangers to me (!) tutting that I'm bf in front of them/demanding tea/coffee.

As you've said you voiced concerns about DS feeding and the midwives are only responding to your concerns.

Please take care OP x

[frankiebuns]

Jumping on and makimg note of this due in 10 days every intention of bf it was horrible last time 3 midwives trying to squeeze milk out and syringe feed my baby as he justvwasnt getting it, I was so desperate to try! Even hospital have admitted that there bf support isn't wonderful I can't get onto nhs led bf classes until dd is 4 weeks so my best friend who runs the bf classes in town is coming into help me! I'm determined to do it this time! My ds was a lazy feeder and tbh at 4 still is! He went every 4hrs between feeds

[Petal26]

Some of you have had such awful experiences :-(

I'm lucky that last time I was in a private room so got left alone to get on with it for the most part. If someone takes my baby in November and threatens to give them formula I hope I have the energy to fight back, I would discharge myself!

[Marnierose]

Of you are diabetic it's really important to get the feeding right. Even if uour midwife came abd visited everyday that's still a very long 24 hrs to wait for bf support. Congratulations op xxx

[MexicanSpringtime]

I'm not an expert, but a friend of mine had a tremendously sleepy baby and she never did anything particular to wake him, just fed on demand, and he a strapping energetic 30-year-old. I'm not saying all cases are the same, but some babies do sleep more than others.