Working and Pregnancy

[Hasle157]

Hi,

I'm an English Teacher in a Secondary school currently 34 weeks pregnant. I'm due to go on Maternity Leave from Monday, but have had a lot of time off sick during my pregnancy mainly due to low iron making me exhausted, sickness, persistant water infections, usually accompanied by yeast infections, a chest infection, migraines and general lack of ability to cope with the pressure of being a Teacher and the associated side-effects of feeling dreadfully run down all the time. Many women told me about the 'pregnancy glow' which lasted all of about 4 weeks until I was back to feeling awful again whilst struggling and buckling under the huge workload!

The school helped by giving me cover lessons here and there, but it was never enough to catch up on marking and I felt unable to be productive in the evenings, because I was so tired after a day at work. Anyway, I just feel ridiculously guilty about the time off I've had, I've always had a doctors note but I know that my absences have a had a huge impact on my department who have had to do extra work on my behalf, such as setting cover lessons. I did what I could from home, but if I'd have set my own cover, marked work and continued to write reports, there would have been no point in being off sick in the first place and the doctor ordered complete rest during these periods. I know that it has frayed good relationships I once had with people in my department.

Has anyone else has to juggle a high-pressure job whilst being pregnant and experienced anything similar? How did you deal with it? How did other colleagues react to you taking time off sick? I feel very much on my own with this at the moment so any responses would be helpful.

[Hasle157]

Sparkle- I contacted my union and asked this very question after I kept receiving messages asking for cover work when I was off sick after I'd explained that I wasn't up to doing all of it. They said that you cannot be contacted without your permission. I did the wrong thing contacting them first offering to help locate resources. I was then contacted on numerous occasions by an assumptive HOD who thought I was offering to set all my lessons. He'd only been bragging the week before about how much free time he had now that Year 11 had left!

So no, they cant contact you to do anything without your say so, my union sent me the policy in black and white. My advice: offer nothing and dont contact them first! X

[Hasle157]

I completely empathise with you weebairn and splendide, teaching is certainly not the only high pressure profession to suffer during pregnancy. People can recognise that we work under pressure every day so I don't understand why systems aren't put in place to help make things more manageable when we're pregnant and suffering. It's much the same that out job roles require much the same amount of work no matter how we're feeling, making flexible hours etc difficult. In the private sector you can more likely go home earlier or start work later. In teaching, my classes need teaching no matter how I'm feeling, I've always loved my job regardless of the pressure, but over the last 8 months I've felt trapped by the pressure of it and cornered by a mountain of work I'm unable to finish.

[weebairn]

I'm not a teacher but my brother is and I know how hard you work.

I'm a hospital doctor and feel I would have sailed through pregnancy if not for work! I do shifts and deal with emergencies and work long hours and it's always manic and you can't always take breaks. I've just had a week off sick after covering 4 wards on my own, 12 hour days without a break on your feet, it's just not doable pregnant, or it probably is but not for me. I crashed and I feel so shit about it.

Last pregnancy I only managed to work till 32 weeks I was so shattered, fainting on the wards. I'm hoping to work later this time, I am part time now.

There is precious little understanding, though I am grateful to be working for the public sector so you are quite protected in terms of salary/mat leave etc, which many of my friends in the private sector did not have. It's a very macho and male environment.

No real suggestions - I feel the guilt so so much, I've only had a few days off but I know it will have been hell for the other doctors to be one doctor down - but lots of sympathy. I tell myself lots of my colleagues will have kids at some point and I can be a better support to them then when I am more senior, having done it myself.

I will say I found the newborn stage and the sleep deprivation not too bad in comparison!

[splendide]

I'm a lawyer and work long hours so I've been finding it quite tough. I'm okish until about 5.30 then I feel horrible and I've still got at least another hour or two then an hour commute home on the train. I have an office I can shut myself in and cry/ have tea/ wibble though I think teaching when you feel rough must be really difficult.

My boss keeps telling me I shouldn't be doing long hours at the moment but without actually taking any work off me so it's not like I have a choice. I'm taking a full year maternity though so just focusing on that!

[somedizzywhore1804]

Oh and re the marking, I ended up chucking a load of ks3 in the bin- work from classes where I only saw them once a fortnight or was covering their library lessons. Not my finest moment but DH (also a teacher) found me crying over it for about the 10th night in a row after days of dragging myself through work on basically no food (only way I wouldn't be sick was not to eat) and no sleep. He said I was killing myself and to stop being stupid so I ditched what I could. The worst thing is this was about four months ago....No one even noticed!!!! It was assumed books had been lost and they just got new ones. It's not your fault- the workload is nuts for someone not suffering a serious pregnancy related illness.

No way you should be spending any of your mat leave marking IMO.

Also meant to say to aswage my guilt when I went on mat leave I brought cards for everyone in the dept and sweets and things and in each card acknowledged the personal things they'd done to help me or the dept. made me feel better even if it was an entirely selfishact just to ease my conscience.

[somedizzywhore1804]

Are you me, OP?

I'm second in English at a large comp with a department of 15. From week 7 of my pregnancy I got HG and then had periods of fainting from low blood pressure, countless water infections, severe anemia and was hospitalised 6 times in total for dehydration from the HG.

I managed 6 okayish weeks at work from week 28-34 but got very sick at the end when a water infection went to my kidneys. I felt incredibly guilty and like I had let everyone down but nothing I could have done. I'm 39 weeks now and know I couldn't have tried any harder or done any "better". My pregnancy just wasn't compatable with the high stress, high pressure, long hours of teaching. I know it creates a lot of extra work but it also have a nice long term cover a job and she's actually just become permenant as another member of staff left... So my suffering helped someone

I know it's easier said than done but don't dwell in it. Unfortunately it's just the case that a classroom is no place for a pregnant woman who's throwing up 6 times a day. No one could teach being that ill!

[Hasle157]

Full time is a definite no for me too Doodles, I don't see how it could possibly work and I think once you've had negative experiences like this, it certainly makes you feel less passionate about a job you once loved. I guess the school loses out in that way.

Sod your books. Give yourself a do-able amount of working hours per day and stick to it. If the books aren't done, they're not done. Don't make yourself ill like I did. I did this, I worked 8-5 with a bit of give and take on busy/none busy days. Then I made myself exhausted again writing reports for an entire weekend and doing not a lot else.

[Doodles197]

Sorry to hear that Hasle157. Once your baby arrives, none of that rubbish at work will matter. Like people say, work will carry on without you. Put your feet up and enjoy. Work will be a million miles away. But agree with you totally, you can't help but feel disappointed about the way you've been treated. I'm contemplating whether to go back or not after mat leave. Don't think I can even face part-time.

[Hasle157]

Today was my last day at work officially before my maternity begins, I've been off sick for 2 weeks and I havent had so much as a 'get well soon' or a quick goodbye message from colleagues in my own department, just an email to confirm that my lessons will now be covered by the HOD until the end of the year. I feel so deflated. Thankfully, staff from other departments sent me a couple of nice messages instead.

I'm just so bloody disappointed in the lack of support and understanding I've received :(

[Doodles197]

I feel exactly the same. I'm a secondary teacher too (Technology) and took a couple of weeks off during early pregnancy due to hyperemesis. I was back this term on and off for the first two weeks, and then managed two full weeks. I got pulled up yesterday for not getting one set of books marked whilst a marking scrutiny was taking place. I should have said that I'm pregnant, I've been off but thought my line manager should have known better and to at least cut me some slack (or I should have told them before that I won't be able to get everything done a week ago). I've been told that I need to get it all done by next week. I tried to work through it this evening and noticed that by the time I left work, my sugar levels went really low, it just didn't occur to me I had food in my locker, was so stressed about getting the marking done. I do find it a disgrace that as teachers, we're unable to have flexible working hours when pregnant. I've had a pounding headache everyday and paracetemol can't get rid of it, only a big meal in front of the TV. There's no actual place to rest as you're constantly on the go teaching, no break for 4 hours, don't even get time to piss. Counting down the days until I leave. As much as we'd like to put ourselves and our babies first, there will be people out there expecting us to just deal with it. I feel guilty and had a few comments about taking time off or getting pregnant, there's no pleasing everyone. Rant over. So glad there's other people to talk to on here in similar situations

[bugoven]

Thanks Hasle for your kind words and support. I am starting to feel more and more sure of my decision as the days go by. I definitely would have struggled with at work with nausea today and yesterday plus didn't sleep properly at all last night. Really pleased to have put me and baby first and hope you are able to do the same without too much upset. Please remember you're not alone =) X

[bugoven]

Thanks Hasle for your kind words and support. I am starting to feel more and more sure of my decision as the days go by. I definitely would have struggled with at work with nausea today and yesterday plus didn't sleep properly at all last night. Really pleased to have put me and baby first and hope you are able to do the same without too much upset. Please remember you're not alone =) X

[Hasle157]

In the teaching world, there's little empathy for teachers who are unable to perform their duties properly for reasons beyond their control. It's vile. The worst part for me, was feeling like I'd let my colleagues down, or being made to feel that way. I dont blame you for taking the time off, with the pressure of pregnancy, the pressure of teaching, who needs the pressure of feeling alienated in the workplace too?
Look after yourself and your baby x

[Hasle157]

Bugoven, I think it's a big damn horrible shame to hear your story. It shouldn't be happening. What strikes me, is that when you were doing your duties above and beyond their expectations, you were rewarded, yet at a time you were unable to do your job to the best of your ability for health reasons, you were alienated. It shouldn't be happening.
When I spoke to my HOD abo
ut my struggles with the workload and how I felt unable to offer extra tuition at lunch times, I was told 'that's the nature of the job.' He's young and still learning, it strikes me that HODs or members of senior management are given no HR training whatsoever? Some people can be good at their jobs but don't have good interpersonal skills! It took 2 weeks off sick for them to listen and help me manage the workload, but I was alienated as a result too.

I was regularly sick during lessons and would have to run out half way through, sometimes I'd wet myself in lessons due to repeated water infevtions and have to leave. I guess I wasnt able to do my job properly purely due to the fact that I wasnt providing students with a duty of care. But again, it wasnt really addressed until I made a point of it and ai dont feel my lack of being able to do my job properly was taken seriouslyenough.

[bugoven]

I work in a school as a HLTA, ELSA and LSA in a mixed and demanding role. I had a miscarriage last year and was also attacked on the way to work all within a few weeks. I took a total of four days off for the mc and a day spent with the police for the incident. I returned to work a little shaken but determined to be distracted and resilient on both occasions. Everyone was very impressed and I earned myself a pay rise in recognition for my hard work and regularly going beyond my role requirements.

I was lucky enough to fall pregnant a few months later in December since when I have had a huge amount of time off sick with morning sickness, exhaustion, being far too hormonal to pull myself together. It would be fair to say I have received little to no support from all but 2 of my colleagues in a large school. I have been reprimanded for absence due to pregnancy related illness (including time spent in hospital), taking breaks (not beyond the time I have unpaid for breaks but at times that meant I could rest and function for the rest of the day) and booking a single appointment during school hours as it was for an ecg. After weeks of feeling alienated by my colleagues and struggling through I have finally given up and allowed my doctor to sign me off sick after I projectile vomited just outside a classroom last week. I was told that I shouldn't be suffering with sickness any more (29 weeks) and that there would not be any adjustments made to my role to allow me to stay at work. I should "just get on with it".

I am really uncomfortable with my decision to stay home but I am very big for 29 weeks,experiencing regular, painful braxton hicks and hardly sleep. I just wasn't prepared to risk mine or the baby's health after trying 3 years to become a mum.

Everyone's experiences of pregnancy are different and it seems how they are treated vary massively too and that must effect how well you cope. If any one of my many managers had read the 81 page maternity rights document made freely available on the county website I think they'd understand how their lack of support was ultimately the reason I have "let everyone down" and not a lack of work ethic on my part.

Hope you feel easier about your situation. It took me a while.

[squizita]

I'm middle management, teaching and some other bits in a secondary.

Basically... what Sparkle said. Roll on the holidays which will be a restful time of sorting out the baby's room, clinic appointments, paperwork... b

[redwinerequired]

I'm not a teacher but worked in the nhs when I was pregnant. I had terrible pregnancies but a very supportive boss. I had to start mat leave earlier than expected due to complications so I left a fair bit of work that I couldn't do. I was ordered to have complete rest. I offered to do some work from home but my boss wouldn't hear of it and the department stepped up. I took loads on when I came back though and brought my boss some wine!

Anyway, the point is I felt incredibly guilty for colleagues and patients alike, however my baby and I were more important. Work will survive, look after yourself and your baby

[Mummytobeforthefirsttime]

Hi!

I'm also a teacher and in Senior Mgt. I'm currently 35 weeks and 2 days! My work have been fine. I wanted to stay until at the Year 11s had finished, our timetable rolled over this week and fortunately I have not been given a timetable. I have terrible carpal tunnel syndromw in both my wrists and driving is becoming difficult. The head has said I can go in later and work from home if required. I think my school,have been more sympathetic as I have had 5 recurrent miscarriages, so they understand the need for more antenatal checkups.

[Hasle157]

Sounds like you're doing brilliantly Sparkle! 3 weeks to go until those magic 6 weeks, I don't know how you've pulled through.

I think it can be difficult for some people to understand how difficult pregnancies can be Sisyphus, especially as they're all different or when others have not been pregnant before. I certainly had no idea until I became pregnant myself. I assumed the sickness just buggered off bang on week 12! Week 34 and I was sick twice yesterday! I appreciate all the help my department have given me and expressed it on numerous occasions, but it hasn't been received warmly unfortunately. Last time I returned to work after being off sick, I was ignored by 2 of my close colleagues for 2 days.

[Sisyphus85]

Don't feel guilt Hasle - but do be grateful (or at least pretend to show some).

I'm sure they won't really have minded - people know that pregnancies can be difficult. Just remember in future not to be too grumpy when you have to pick up someone else's slack.

Maybe buy them a big thank you card & cake... if they are anything like the teachers I know then they'll quickly forget any ill feeling when presented with something sweet

[mrsnlw]

I'm not in a high pressured job and luckily havent needed time off work ue to illness but I definitely have been made to feel guilty by one of my two bosses when I have to have time off for antenatal appointments etc. One says dont worry about it, you need time off to go to X, Y or Z then take it. Another makes me feel like I shouldnt even dare to say I need time off. Luckily, I see more of the first boss than the other. I'm also the only person who does my job and as such it means when I'm not in, there's no-one else around to cover me.

At the end of the day, you are only off because you need to be - through sickness or antenatal appointments - and have a legal right to be off for both. As long as you are doing your best, and you know you are doing your best, then buggar what anyone else thinks.

[lornathewizzard]

Hi Hasle, I know this is easy to say but you just need to forget about work and concentrate on you and baby. You were off on doctors advice, not skiving or anything else you should feel remotely guilty about. Some folk are always gonna moan when it is them that are put out, none of us can change that. You know what your top priorities are so you should stop putting pressure on yourself to do everything and please everyone. And relax... :)

[Hasle157]

I'm sorry to hear that your school aren't being very supportive mssleepyhead. They should be allowing you to take time off for midwife appointments and even your antenatal classes without question! I'm very lucky that my school has been helpful in this sense, however I can relate to the amount of pressure they pile on and it making you feel guilty when you can't fulfil your duties thoroughly.

My books aren't marked either and I've spent a lot of my time off sick marking at home, even my Maternity Leave will be taken up catching up on marking because I know it will just look bad when I'm gone.

Keep plodding on! You've done amazingly well to get this far. We can't get everything done in our job as it is, without the additionally job of growing a human at the same time.

Goodluck x