Those of you who say "it's easier having a newborn and a toddler than being pregnant with a toddler", please step this way.

[matwork]

36 weeks with dc2 here and feel brain dead most of the time, or shattered, or distracted...

I loved my maternity leave first time round (took the full year, and plan to do the same again this time) but I can't imagine ever feeling energetic or engaged enough to make the most of it. It's been tough juggling work so maybe once that's out the way (mat leave starts this week) I'll be able to focus and chill (with a 2.5yo?!?!) and switch into Engaged Proactive Mummy Mode.

But I fear I'll want to sit on the sofa browsing on Pinterest or MN whilst relying on a peppa pug DVD to entertain my poor DD who, quite frankly, deserves more. Can't even begin to imagine how I'll find the energy to enable a newborn to thrive?!

I've heard people say they found it easier once dc2 had arrived rather than being pregnant with a toddler in tow. I'm seriously hoping I find the same. Haven't had a difficult pregnancy or anything, I'm just so zombiefied.

[Delta1411]

I definitely felt better once my second child arrived DD is brilliant and was only 20 months when DS was born. But because she is so good and entertains herself she was often left to do so. I mean I was obviously there I didn't leave her unattended or anything but I was obviously more pre occupied with newborn!!! Now I pay for her to go to a play group and when DS has a nap we do something we couldn't with him there, like play with stickers or colour in.

I since found out I am pregnant again and dreading the pregnancy with a just gone 3 year old and 16 month old!! But I will get on with it and go on maternity leave early should I have to.

I felt dreadful in the latter stages and it definitely got easier once my baby was born!! If you feel that way you are probably right!

[ikeaismylocal]

I'm only 22 weeks pregnant and I'm failing massively as a parent today. Ds is 18 months and we are usually out for most of the day, yesterday we went into the city, went to a train museum, had sushi for lunch ( ds's favorite then went to the library. Ds woke a couple of times in the night and then was up at 6 ( he usually sleeps much better than that) I feel like death warmed up.

So far today ds has pottered about playing with Mr tumble on in the background, he played with his plastic boat in the sink whilst I had a showering. He's perfectly happy, I have offered to read some books but he said no. I just feel like I'm letting him down :(

Lunch and nap time soon ( we aren't in the UK) we are going to the park and to meet a friend after his nap, I think I might nap too!

I'm dreading the 3rd trimester if it's this hard already.

[PastaandCheese]

The midwife who delivered DS told me to ask DD if she'd like to help out at every opportunity. This was great advice.

It gives her the impression of getting a lot of attention whilst getting all the baby care done. DD enjoys helping change his nappy, fetching his muslin, washing him etc. Now he is three months he will hold a bit of Duplo or whatever whilst she shows him what she is doing. They are very sweet together.

[matwork]

Again, thank you! Some really reassuring posts just when I need it - achey back, everyone telling me I'm massive, bad nights sleep last night, pining for my old carefree life, worried about my career etc.

Yes we have a garden and I've been setting up the paddling pool and the sand/water table so that dd can busy herself with those (though I feel guilty that I just let her get on with it and don't really play with her as such) and the trampoline is always a winner.

There are tons of groups and parks and activities to do/go to round here so think we'll be ok but again I'm out of practice with doing stuff with dd, actually playing together rather than just getting up/out and relying on a group to stimulate her.

I will stock up on books etc to snuggle with dd whilst feeding dc2. And think I'll put my Pinterest addiction to good use and get some ideas from that for simple activities we can do. DD is a good kid (I would say that of course) and I'm a little nervous that we'll find it tricky adjusting to being around each other more than we're used to.

As for childcare, it's been a mixture of grandparents and nursery, so we've scaled back so she'll just go 1 morning a week at nursery and then as hoc with the GPs. She's down to start preschool in sept but I'm having a wobble about that for various reasons (namely that it won't provide enough childcare for when I go back to work and we'll disrupt her by putting her back in nursery) but that's probably another thread.

I just remember how intense those first few week are when you're glued to the sofa feeding. And them dd was a horrific napper so am worried about that again. She's on the verge of dropping her lunchtime nap so not sure I'll get much of the two-asleep-at-once thing!!

[rightsaidfred]

Easier for me (20 month gap). I found that however the nights were I was never as tired as I was when I was pregnant. Had lots of lovely time with my eldest doing sticker books/ stories whilst breastfeeding. We got out to playgroups etc a lot and i lowered my standards about making sure I had my bag packed- had snacks and nappies etc. I stuffed a load of stuff under the buggy at the weekend and if I ran out of nappies/ snacks/wipes then I bought them while out or borrowed from another mum. Being out was a lot easier than being in. One thing I worked really hard at was forcing them to nap at the same time...... which after a couple of months meant I had a couple of hours free every afternoon. Good luck!

[Surf25]

I think I'm pretty much on the same page as mandbaby in that you just swap one lot of challenges with another! But on the whole the physical aspects of caring for a toddler are easier once the baby is out and I think it makes a big difference because toddlers are just physical - just easier to be out and about with a toddler and a pram/sling for baby once baby has arrived than it is running around the park/house/soft play with a massive bump!!.And my baby didn't sleep at that time! Now 3 and 4 and brilliant fun.

[mandbaby]

I have two sons (4.7yo and 2.11yo) and am 27 weeks pregnant and am struggling like mad! The heat doesn't bother me, but already my hips and pelvis are so sore, I can't stand, walk, sit or do anything for very long before i'm in agony. My hormones are all over the show too and my "ooomph" for doing anything is at an all time low.

Personally, I found the transition from one child to two a doddle. There were 19 months between mine and thankfully DS2 was a very good baby. Looking after the toddler was far harder.

Soon, I'm going to have 3 under the age of 5! Thankfully, the eldest starts school 3 weeks before I'm due which should alleviate some of the burden, and DS2's 15 free hours of pre-school will also start, meaning that I'll be able to spend some quality time alone with each of them.

I don't think any aspect of being a mother is "easier" than the next. Pregnant, newborns, toddlers, primary schoolers, teenagers. You just swap one set of problems with another!

[SpiffingGalore]

So much easier I cannot even begin to compare. I had spd and couldn't drive or walk for the last few weeks of my pregnancy, so I was basically housebound. It was winter so we couldn't even get out in the garden. The TV was permanently switched to CBeebies whilst I lay on the sofa and groaned. Changing a nappy felt like a Herculean task.

Ds2 is now four months old. We go out most days. I'm tired sometimes but it is nothing compared with the last month of pregnancy. We have a life again!

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

Watching, as I'm 33 weeks and have a 2 year old. I'm hot, tired (doesn't help that I'm anaemic), I can't sleep at night and I can't bend!

[WhoMovedMyVuvuzela]

It's easier every time IMO. I am utterly exhausted now, I will be exhausted after I have given birth but at least walking about/carrying out basic tasks will be less of an effort.

Have you got a garden matwork ? I have been stocking my garden up with various toys so the DC's can play while I sit under a sunshade. Possibly one of the best items purchased was the little tikes red and yellow car, it seems to be like cat nip for toddlers!

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

Oh god, yes. I am on DC3, so I've done 'baby and toddler' and now 'baby, toddler and school child'. Each time, the baby bit has been waaaay easier than the heavily pregnant bit.

• I can move, bend, lift and chase without collapsing;
• Emotionally I am far less mixed up and hormonal;
• I am getting far more sleep (my Fitbit confirms this. In late pregnancy, I was sleeping very lightly and restlessly, constant interuptions. Now it is periods of proper sleep with wakings);
• As a result of all the above, I have way more energy.

As for entertaining your toddler, what kind of childcare was she in? If it was a childminder or a nanny, find out what they sued to do with her. If it was a nursery, pick the brains of other local SAHMs if you can for what they do. You've a few weeks of baby groups to go until the summer holidays. Plus you might find other SAHMs/those on mat leave with toddlers to entertain all summer.

[iamthedanger]

Another one here. Mine are now 3 and 5 but the hideousness of pregnancy with a toddler has never left me. Exhausted, sick etc with a two year old was just awful. As soon as ds2 arrived things became infinitely easier and I actively enjoyed the baby/toddler time (the terrible 2s second time round was another matter mind :-))

[jammiecat]

I have two babies and a 3.5 year old and find it so much easier than when I was pregnant. I was practically on my knees by the time the twins arrived and my days alone with DS consisted entirely of the sofa and children's TV. I felt such a rubbish parent. Since the twins have arrived we go to the park, and I get to play with DS again whilst the babies sleep. It is so much better. Although I suspect once the twins can move there will be a whole heap of new challenges.

[matwork]

Hmmm. Well the pregnancy has been ok but there's been more stresses in my life outside of that.

I found the last 18 months juggling work and a toddler exhausting emotionally and logistically. Am dreading going back after dc2 but should try not to think about that just yet!!

[Sahkoora]

I think easier too. You have more energy and feel like yourself again. I suppose it depends on what your pregnancy was like as opposed to how difficult baby #2 is.

[deepbluetr]

Depends on your pregnancy.

I found having a baby and toddler harder than being pregnant with one.

Even harder was having a 1 year old and a 3 year old though.

[matwork]

Thank you all!

I think it's the lack of headspace that's all-consuming but then as I mentioned I'm not physically as in good shape either. Feel a bit guilty to no2 already as it's just not as exciting second time around when you know how hard work it can be.

Also antsy about how well I'll be able to keep dd entertained whilst on maternity leave before the baby arrives. I'm used to working 4 days a week so rather shame-facedly I feel out of practice being a full time mum again.

Best of luck to those of you in a similar situation abd well done to those already smashing it

[OwlCapone]

I found it easier being pregnant with toddler.

Obviously this is going to depend on how easy you find pregnancy - for me, pregnancy was a breeze.

[PastaandCheese]

Definitely easier IME. It's physically easier but also all the worry about how you'll cope and how the siblings will get on is answered so mentally you're in a better place.

[CaramellaDeVille]

My ds1 is nearly 4 so it's a bigger gap but even with a terrible sleeper I'm finding it infinitely easier since the baby was born. And finding her so much easier than DS as we know what we are doing and what to expect. Best of luck, I'm sure you'll feel much better once the baby arrives.

[Shahsham]

Argh on phone!

Im no longer sick everyday
I can physically move a lot easier
Im not so hot
I sleep better and easier (no more insomnia!)
My feet,ankles and back dont hurt anymore
Im not going to the toilet every 10 minutes
I can properly hug DS1 and carry him

It would be a hell of a lot easier if DS1 (2.9) slept as well as DS2 (7 weeks)!!!

Still, I recommend accepting any help going and try to shower/get dressed/eat before DH leaves for work in the morning!

[mamachelle]

same as lornemalvo. i also had 3 under 4 and found it so much easier than being pregnant with toddlers.

even if they are well behaved (mine werent!) i find that toddlers are mentally and physically demanding. they are brilliant fun but very tiring.

[Shahsham]

It is hard with a toddler and newborn but easier than toddler and pregnant cos:

Im no l

[JoandMax]

I found the last few weeks of pregnancy really hard with a 19 month old. I was absolutely massive, swollen ankles, SPD, couldn't get comfy at all and had zero energy. It was difficult lifting DS1 and doing baths etc. He watched a lot of cbeebies!

Once DS2 was born I felt a million times better, a different kind of tired but easier to cope with. After the first couple of weeks recovering (ELCS) we pretty much went back to normal and DS2 happily slotted in.

[hartmel]

Following with interest!

Currently have a 9 month old son who can't walk or crawl yet. But wants to get into everything, and I'm 22 weeks pregnant with dc2 (by the time she is born DS will be 13 1/2 month old)

So far it is ok but the bigger my bump goes the harder it is for me to carry DS. And he is very clingy and wants all the attention he can get..