Teachers- when did you tell your class that you were pregnant

[Izzy82]

As it says really. I'm a year 6 teacher, and am 16 weeks. I have quite a bump but not one of them have noticed. Should I tell them or would you wait until they notice?

[squizita]

Raxa sorry. For some reason I misunderstood that the choice hadn't come from the teacher but from senior staff (I think because someone else mentioned their head 'deciding'). :)

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

squizita, you've completely misunderstood our situation. DD's teacher is recently married, it IS a village school and we knew she was planning children straight after the wedding but she is happy with this. She's a friend to a lot of us, as well as our children's teacher. She specifically asked the head to let all of the parents know at the same time as she wanted to reassure us as the children are currently gearing up for their SATs and she wanted us to know the reason for her continued absence, plus she knew that the age of the children and some of their sensitivities/worries round SATs/SEN meant that it was best that the parents explained it, not the teacher. The announcement was her own, the words her own, she just asked the head to do it as he has access to our personal details, she doesn't. She feels neither beholden to explain her medical history nor coerced into telling us early.

I posted merely to say that the way our school did it made sense for myriad reasons. The teacher made the decision of when to tell and why but she didn't tell the children before she'd told all of the parents and with clarity around what this meant for her current teaching commitment.

And I know the pressures teachers face. I am one.

[talulahbelle]

I'm secondary, and told mine about 12weeks. I kind of gave it away by retching out of a bus window on a school trip that week though. Luckily (?) the worst of my sickness was over the xmas holidays.
At the moment quite a lot of my classes are trying o help me name the baby...

[squizita]

Portico I'm wondering who my year group will assume is the dad! I'm not showing yet but I'm sure when I do I shall be connected to many a colleague who I wouldn't touch with someone else's bargepole!

[porcito]

My classes guessed already (secondary). I'm only 10 weeks but my belly is huge. The old 'it's none of your business' isn't working too well, just serves to keep the rumour mill going. It's a really small community so very gossipy at the best of times! At least they know why I've been such a terrible teacher for the past few weeks! The best part is listening to them speculate which hideous, ageing members of staff are the father (despite them also knowing my husband!)

[johull]

I'm a secondary school teacher and decided to tell them after 12 week scan,I teach teenagers so they're more difficult to keep things from then primary teachers.

[Ohwhatsoccuring]

With my first 2 I stopped trying to hide it after the 12 wk scan and just waited for them to notice (primary so it took a very long time) then the grapevine took over, no announcement.
This time though (different school) it will be after the 12 wk scan this week, as that is when we plan to tell our other children.
I teach my daughter and so will let her tell the rest of the class. The head will also then put it on a newsletter for the parents. I can't wait as wardrobe choices have been a major issue and the older kids (rec/y1/y2) have been giving me curious looks as my tummy is huge already.

[squizita]

Mumma I can understand that - we get that too (with Y11 English, Science, Maths - believe me I get daily phonecalls from some parents) however you still cannot forget teachers are human beings just doing a job. Whilst grabbing that kind of control might make things easier for the head, the head should be creating a healthy learning environment with healthy boundaries.

I've worked with both primary (a run-through reception-6th form school) and secondary (only been pregnant in secondary) and as I mentioned before, RL friends who work in primary haven't had a manager take this out of their control. Never. Because it wasn't expected, parents in those primaries felt trusting the head would hire someone good, there wasn't a gosspi-fest etc'. It's a hard culture to build: of course it's easier to control timings to suit yourself as manager. But it isn't right. Nowhere in any contract would it ever say "the head chooses when you tell everyone you're pregnant in case parents worry" in any case.

I have had to explain to anxious parents when their expectations are impinging on my team's private life (e.g. just because their work email is synced up to their iphone doesn't mean your child can expect an answer when revising late at night or on a Sunday... this is a regular one. Also asking about the sexuality of staff when parents are religious. Some parents refuse to understand that it isn't on).
In no other job would a boss be in charge of the timing of telling people who aren't even family or friends. Indeed when I worked in the city a manager was demoted after doing this (twice) so humiliating to his team was it considered. It would be incredibly upsetting and the loss of a sense of control could create real issues for a pregnant woman after infertility, miscarriage or stillbirth.

[MummaSmurf1]

I think it is more in primary because the parents get very anxious about who is teaching their child once maternity leave starts. I suppose they think a whole term of a different teacher all day makes a bigger impact than a whole term of one subject being disrupted.
I think parents are a lot more involved/ nosy in primary as they are often at the gates.

[squizita]

My surname is not Mrs Genericirishsurname ...that would be hard for my literacy group to spell.

[squizita]

Pink Ah! Yes it may be a generation thing. I had a head (now retired) who sighed to me "You're Catholic, you're marrying a generic irish surname I see ... what a waste of money putting you through that management course was..."
Lovely lady and great teacher... but didn't realise what a racist/sexist/religiously insensitive comment she'd made!
I was just brazen and said something like "Don't worry Mrs Name, I'll keep my legs crossed until after OFSTED!" and she guffawed.
She got on very well with her HR and union staff as they often had to tell her "Mrs Name, we don't say/do that anymore... "

[noblegiraffe]

After the 12 week scan at secondary, but that's because kids were already asking.

[pinkgirlythoughts]

I think it was just our head, to be honest. She liked to be in control of everything, be The One to make decisions, etc. She's retired now

[squizita]

Pink I am genuinely interested here... is this a primary thing? This control and having to ask permission to tell (or even the head deciding)? On paper, it's not meant to happen that way.
In secondary the head would have no right to say anything, be horrified etc'. They would never plan or decide when to tell: it would be 100% in the hands of the teacher. Her body, her career as a professional, her choice.
That's from having worked in 5 schools, 3 managing a team.

But then again several of my RL friends teach in primaries and just decided when they would tell: the head asked but certainly did not express opinions.

[pinkgirlythoughts]

*Year 2 children, by the way

[pinkgirlythoughts]

I asked my head if it was okay for me to tell when the lady I job shared with mentioned that she'd overheard some of the children saying their parents had told them I was having a baby- one very gosspiy mum had noticed in the playground and told everyone else! I was about 23 weeks at the time, head wasn't happy as she'd been planning to write a letter to the parents to tell them "but not for another few weeks!" as she said in a horrified tone when I asked her! When I said that most of them already suspected, she reluctantly agreed and wrote a letter to be given out that night, after I'd told the children that afternoon :)

[squizita]

Raxa It's fine if she said to the head it's OK to tell. But teaching is a job: s/he is our manager. We have duty of care to the children but not to the extent that we have to tell them our medical histories if we're not comfortable.

We are humans just doing a job. Sometimes that is forgotten and it feels like we're public property (especially in smaller towns).

Example: IBS can make someone green, breathless and make their belly pooch out. Would he head announce that to avoid confusion? "Miss has the constant runs, boys and girls and gossiping colleagues and parents ..." That actually happened (the gossip and pressure to tell about a non existent pregnancy) to a colleague.

When I was going through my sickness and severe pain stage, I was at the very highest risk for miscarriage (the time when my condition usually kills off the forming placenta). I would have been livid if anyone bar HR and my family knew.

[WorriedMouse]

I taught year 6 and told them when I heard them say, " well she's either fat or pregnant".

[Raxacoricofallapatorius]

DD is in Y2 and we found out yesterday that her teacher is pregnant. It was announced via parentmail by the head. We suspected because she's been off sick a lot since Christmas all with non-specific stomach related issues. DD has told me several times that Miss M looks very green at lunchtimes, is struggling with PE and sometimes gets a bit sweaty and dizzy. We all put 2 and 2 together but I do appreciate the head telling the parents first and it lets us tell the dc in a way they will understand/appreciate. I feel quite sorry for her. She's clearly struggling with sickness but is still working far too hard for even a non-pregnant woman. I think her health issues have forced the head to tell us slightly sooner than they would have done.

[Tea1Sugar]

The head to wrote to my year 5 parents when I was 22 weeks

[squizita]

Kiwi "My Head used to to decide..." spectacularly illegal.

Takes union hat off

[squizita]

I am a secondary teacher and (hopefully- I have a recurrent miscarriage condition) tell all when my bump becomes apparent.

I have told my boss for risk assessment etc', but telling kids is something else. Someone mentioned after the 12 week scan... that's a bit early (especially if they're young, it is easier if they see a bump!).

And I'm not bothering disguising any bump but that's just my little rebellion against my own demons! Bet half my students will just think I've hit the burgers anyway!

[Morgause]

The mums noticed at the gate .....

I kept getting knowing looks so told them at about 4 months.

[MummaSmurf1]

It went in the newsletter at about 20 weeks. Lots of parents have said things to me, but my class never mention it. I never announced it or refer to it. Saying that, one girl did say to me she thinks I should call it "Sunshine"!!

[mssleepyhead]

i was hoping to hold on till after the easter holidays when i will be going to have my 20 week scan but i got outed by my year 10s, 9s and 8s, and a very brave TA, at 14 weeks! they noticed the bump and said they thought i must be because i'd changed to baggier clothes. i work in a girls school and they seem to be very perceptive...