Is anybody NOT scared of giving birth?

[shniper]

With my first I wasn't worried/scared a bit. My antenatal classes didn't mention anything to do with labour and nobody wanted to share their birth experiences with me so I really didn't have a clue what to expect!

My friends dad asked me if I was scared and I said no, he called me a liar because everyone gets scared

This time around I feel exactly the same, only I know what to expect and it still doesn't bother me.

Oh asked if I was scared and I said no, he said 'not even a little?' no.. its not a feeling I choose to switch off I'm just not worried, end of.
In fact, I have my dd name tattooed on me and I'm more worried about having my sons name tattooed on me because I had such a traumatic experience with my last!

I get this reaction a lot when I tell people the truth, I feel as though I should lie instead and say yes I'm bloody terrified just to satisfy them!

[lljkk]

I wasn't scared with the first. Very naively thought I'd cope just fine. Totally underestimated what it would be like. I was scared by the time I got to the 4th. Over my dead body the thought of a 5th.

[Mythreeknights]

Well done cavort for being honest! I wasn't scared with my first...imagined I would triumph in the same way as you approach running a marathon and succeed, but I was horrified by the brutality of it, the pain and the psychological trauma. When I discovered I was pg with my second, I was referred to the psychiatric dept as I was so scared of going through it again. I was determined to have a c section but gp friends persuaded me otherwise and I am glad they did as I ended up having a pain relief free pool labour which was amazing! Now pg with third and slightly crapping myself in case the second one was a fluke, but not traumatised and happy to go for it without pain relief again. Good luck all first timers!

[PeriodMath]

I wasn't scared with my first. Kept telling myself "It's just one day" and thought I was pretty tough and would be ok. Plus, I'd done my NCT prep, listened to a hypno-crap cd, bought massage beads AND read Ina May Gaskin.

I knew it all.

Suffice it to say, I am very scared going into it second time round.

[hettienne]

I wasn't scared the first time...

[LittlePeaPod]

I am scared but I saw my sister have a horrendously traumatic VB with her last chid. She has decided never to have any more children after her experience.

Vickibee. I am the same as your niece and I am opting for an ECS (no medical reason) because I don't want to give birth vaginally. I did go through the trauma of watching my sister nearly die giving birth vaginally (hemorrhage) so I am accurately aware of how bad things can go in child birth. I think every woman should have the option to choose how they give birth regardless of whether that choice is VB or ECS. If NHS refuse the ECS I will be going private.

[Sleepthief]

I wasn't scared with DC1 - didn't take it very seriously at all, in fact. Suffice to say, it went pretty horribly wrong and foetal distress ended in emCS.

So with DC2 I was more aware of how badly things can go, and apprehensive because I was going for a VBAC. All fine .

With DC3, having had a good experience previously I wasn't too worried, up until I was actually leaving for the hospital and thought 'shit, what if I don't come back?' . Again, all was fine - lovely calm, really positive experience in fact. To the point where I immediately thought 'I could do that again!' .

Now I am - doing it again - albeit in about 20 weeks, I feel fine about it. However, I may panic again when I'm actually in labour, and I am aware because of my first experience that things can and do sometimes go wrong.

[islingtongirl]

Due on Saturday (first baby) was feeling ok about it until I read this thread - now terrified! I guess better to be prepared for the worst though....

[CuppaSarah]

I was terrified at first. I had a big day by day pregnancy book, but refused to read the childbirth section. Then after the 20 week scan I stopped being scared and got really excited about giving birth.

I got a gym ball and my DM bought a space hopper and we watched trashy TV trying to get the baby out. When I first went into labour I was so excited I couldn't get any rest and got giddily chatting to my family on the phone all day. Bu the time I got to hospital I ended up so exhausted I slept between every contraction. My labour didn't go according to my birth plan but that was by choice. I just didn't fancy a water birth once I got into it.

During the worst bit I did do everything cliched like beg for the epidural and tell DP 'NEVER AGAIN' But right now I'd happily do it again every day! I can't even remember the pain. As long as you go into it with an open mind, accepting it will hurt but it's not forever, you'll be fine!

[islingtongirl]

Thanks CuppaSarah that's what I am trying to do - keep an open mind. I'm excited to have the baby now so I am almost looking forward to labour starting, is that weird? I know it will hurt, I know that - I just want to feel positive and not scared!

[Mythreeknights]

islingtongirl let me describe a contraction to you: first of all they feel like someone is giving you a gentle hug from behind, it feels warm, you feel your tummy getting tighter, then it releases. By about 2cm dilated, each time you have a contraction, it feels like you are being squeezed pretty tight and you can't really breathe (which is frightening: do not be frightened!) By about 5cm, it basically feels like you are being crushed by a moving bus, which is splitting your body in half and just as it gets completely critical and you can't bear it, it eases off. From then on in, they come so thick and fast you sort of go into a trance and time has no meaning. The pushing stage isn't as bad as contractions (or, it wasn't for me). You can't but push - there is no will power on earth that could prevent the baby from being pushed out. It feels like a giant canonball is erupting through your arse. The final bit when the baby is half in, half out feels like you have a fish flapping about in your foo foo. Not sore, just very very wierd feeling. The crowning bit (e.g. when the largest part of the baby comes out) isn't bad - stingy but not bad.
That is in essence my description of labour. I hope it takes away some of the mystery!

[Mythreeknights]

To all who say they 'loved every second' and 'would do it again in a shot', I ask you: really??

[islingtongirl]

Thanks mythreeknights - I appreciate the honest description! Ill have DH there and hopefully somehow ill get through it and cope. Its all for a good cause after all

[PinkParsnips]

I'm not scared of the actual process or pain of giving birth, I just feel like I'll take it as it comes and not try to plan or think about it too much (it's my first), just take a 'go with the flow' attitude - especially with pain relief!

The only thing that does worry me is if anything goes wrong, but I think that's mainly as a colleague recently had a stillbirth during labour which was a massive shock and I do tend to worry about stuff like that.

[princesscupcakemummyb]

nope not scared i actually enjoy giving birth strange arent i lol

[Sleepthief]

Mythree, what you have described is YOUR experiencd of contractions. It doesn't sound like mine at all. The only point with DC3 where I felt major pain (like someone havking at my spind with a blunt axe) was at the point where his head was descending into the birth canal - moments before my waters broke and he was born 10 mins later, with no pain whatsoever. And yes, I did immediately think I wanted to do it again . As with all things pregnancy, everyone is different .

(DC1, however, being back to back was completely different and complete and utter agony from approximately no cm dilated!)

[Mythreeknights]

Sleepthief - I know it's all so subjective! But I'd love to know how others describe their experience with contractions? Your major pain bit sounds like it was in the 'transition' - that's when I was "I CANNOT DO THIS" but had no pain. It's so odd isn't it - but does explain why some women are howlers (me) and some are so calm - we must all feel it differently

[Flibbertyjibbet]

mythree, not my experience of contractions either.

Just me that felt like I was being ripped in half each time then?

And while the contractions came and went there was the constant excruciating back pain?

Baby not back to back either. Just an agonising labour. Everyone is different. I didn't howl though, but I do remember telling the midwife to tell the howler in the next room to shut the f*ck up!!

But hey ho, I went through that and then had a planned ds2 16 months later (probably short age gap to get it over with quickly...)

[Sleepthief]

I really do think everyone feels it differently, mythree. And even different labours can vary so much for the same person. Basically, you have no idea how you'll be until you're in it! With my last the dr said I couldn't possibly be in labour as I was too calm. He wouldn't have said that if he seen me with DC1 curling up into a ball and swearing profusely, or demanding an epidural and c-section with DC2 . Hopefully my labour with DC4 in January will be an oasis of zen-like calm as he slips out to the sound of whale music or somesuch

[Mythreeknights]

Cool - I'm due in January too Sleep - for DC3 - fingers crossed for both of us that these ones just 'fall' out Congratulations!

[Mythreeknights]

Fliberrty - nope, 'ripped in half' definitely describes it! I was being brave when I said it started really hurting at 5cm. In reality I was a wreck by about 1cm and couldn't believe I wasn't considered to be in 'active labour' (and was therefore denied pain relief).

[sprite25]

Im not due til December so my feelings might change when it gets closer but at the moment Im not scared of giving birth, and havent been when TTC, finding out I was pregnant etc. I actually feel like Im looking forward to it but that may be actually having the baby to hold in my arms and not the actual labour and birth bit. Me and my husband have just started hypnobirthing and I know loads of people will say stuff like it wont help etc. but its what we have chosen as Ive always been the type of person to go quiet, breath deeply and try and focus myself when in pain anyway so Im hoping it will help in labour too. I know it wont be pain-free or all wonderful and stuff but I dont understand why as soon as people find out that your pregnant they insist on pushing horror stories of birth onto you and feed you negative comments about it???

[Eilidhbelle]

I due to give birth in a couple of weeks, and I'm not scared about it. In a weird way, I'm looking forward to the experience!

We had a really awful midwife at the antenatal classes who tried to push how AGONY it all was and how SORE we would be afterwards, which wasn't helpful. I'm sure I'll regret saying this, but my plan is to keep calm, listen to what they tell me to do, and try to focus on the baby coming rather than the pain. It'll be a breeze!

[Daisy299]

No disrespect intended, but crikey, some of the comments in this thread are supremely unhelpful given the topic/title.

Wanting to die in labour/ feeling like you're being ripped in half/ being crushed by a bus - many of us have MILs to make these kinds of comments, are they necessary on a thread about fear of childbirth?

[Bue]

I don't think anyone else's experience of labour is helpful, tbh.

[anaotchan]

It depends what you mean exactly - I am not really scared of the pain for myself. I am, however, terrified that something may go wrong for the baby.

Right now I'm associating childbirth to finally meeting my baby, so the prospect of pain... meh. By FAR the biggest worry on my mind is, will the baby be born safe and healthy.

I realize I'm likely to change my mind in the middle of labour and absolutely hate the pain, but I figure there's no point trying to scare myself in advance - may as well approach it with a positive mind, at least I'll spare myself useless mental agony in the coming weeks waiting for the birth!