private viability scan advice. please help

[Piffyonarockbun]

I am 8+4 with a much longed for pregnancy. My last pregnancy ended 2 years ago with a mmc. Discovered at 10 weeks, baby died at 8. I then had severe spinal problems which needed surgery so despite the desperate feeling of wanting to try again immediately i was unable to. I also dont find it easy to fall pregnant so it all takes time.

My trust will not give me an early scan. Fair enough. Up until the last couple of days i havent wanted one. When i first found out i was pregnant i felt so sure it would be ok. Was really positive and happy. The last few days though i have felt less sure and i am now actively stopping myself thinking of a baby or being excited as i dont want to get too invested.

I am terrified of getting to my 12 weeks scan only to find another mmc. But i am also terrified of having a scan full stop. Im desperate to know but i really dont want to iyswim. I know im probably hard to understand. I know if i get a scan now and there is a heartbeat then my chances of a mc go down but i also know that a scan is a snapshot and it could still all go wrong at 12 weeks.

My dh thinks we should have a private scan. He has found ultrasound direct. I was wondering if any of you lovely lot have used them and if they are any good? Im in yhe bnorth east of england if anyone has any other recommendations. Also if you have a similar tale to mine if an early scan did actually make you feel better and more relaxed or if you just worried more.

Im sorry. I know this is epic. I started off this pregnancy very zen and what will be etc but the more time goes on the more im terrified by the thought of being back to square one again. Any advice or wise words would be much appreciated

[comfyonesie2]

Piffy that's wonderful news! Congratulations! Hope that puts your mind at rest for a few days at least and hope everything continues to go well for you

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Piffy - one and join us on the pg after mc thread- it's a difficult time and there are a lot of lovely women on there who will hold your hand and listen to your panicking without judgement, xx