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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

Pregnant at 42, in a mess.

71 replies

Sheerpanic · 27/04/2013 15:16

I have felt rubbish all week and been waiting for the period pains to result in something to no avail. Yesterday I decided to POAS just to put a niggling doubt out of my mind but it was a very definite BFP. My dh is away till late tomorrow so I am on my own with this. Dc2 is starting school in Sept so we were looking forward to child care costs diminishing.
I am absolutely blown away by this result and apart from feeling really unwell I keep having waves of sheer terror wash over me.
I am aware women do have healthy babies at 42 but, really? I can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone in RL as DH needs to be first to know, I have no idea what his reaction will be but I'm guessing it won't be positive. Sorry for babbling, I am in bits here.
Any hand holding will be helpful.

OP posts:

Report

Sheerpanic · 27/04/2013 20:21

Again, thanks for the support. So many positive experiences. I guess I just can't get my head round how to react without the other member of the team here ( iykwim) tomorrow can't come soon enough.
Have come to bed as can't relax downstairs, just kissed the dc's as they slept and it reduced me to tears again.
If I didn't feel so unwell it might help, I always get terrible headaches in early pregnancy and with the jitteriness and nausea I would think I was gravely ill without the knowledge of the BFP.
If I could just go back to not being in this situation I would but I am pretty sure I couldn't take any steps to end a pregnancy though. Does that make sense?

OP posts:

scaevola · 27/04/2013 20:25

Yes, it makes total sense.

rufusnine · 27/04/2013 20:36

My mam had me at 42 when it turned out the lack of period was not the menopause as she thought and didn't I go and follow in her footsteps so to speak when I was 44!! Both she and I were gobsmacked at our late pregnancies but both of us had healthy gorgeous baby girls !! I believe the saying "Que cera cera" Whatever will be will be! Good luck!

CheckpointCharlie · 27/04/2013 20:40

Yes and I understand.

It has been 5 hours since you first posted, another 5 closer to your DH coming back, in a couple of hours (maybe sooner) you will be snoozing, then busy with the DCs so hopefully it will HURRY up and be tomorrow v soon.

Can you do that thing where you start at your toes and squeeze every muscle as you move up your body to try and relax?

TiredFeet · 27/04/2013 21:10

Completely understand.

soupmaker · 27/04/2013 21:17

Hello Sheer. Here is another hand.

I am 42 and 27 weeks with DC2. DD is 5. I didn't know I was pregnant until I was 6 weeks as I was so not expecting to be expecting. I thought early menopause symptoms. We had also got to the stage of thinking no more crippling childcare costs and the possibility of holiday a bit further afield!

I'm knackered and have heartburn but really it's not that different to being pregnant at 37. Of course I had lots of worries about being pregnant at our age but keeping away from Dr Google and taking it one day at a time has saved my sanity.

Wishing you well and I am sure you and your DH will work out what is best for you and your family.

turningitaround · 27/04/2013 21:55

Yes, it makes sense. When we found out I was pregnant I think DH would have preferred an abortion (I have had one before for medical reasons and am totally in favour of choice), but I just couldn't. It took me about a week to be completely sure, but then I was, in a fatalistic kind of way. I was also really scared (for my marriage, which was a bit rocky at the time, my job - I'm quite a senior manager, and family life in general - the descent into chaos with number 3 that everyone talks about). Now, just over a year later, my marriage is feeling pretty strong, work seem surprisingly keen to have me back and my family feels complete. The only two downsides are that my body is pretty shot and our house is so loud. Mostly that's fine, but sometimes I could do with just a bit more volume control .

rosiedays · 27/04/2013 22:00

yep another one here.... 43 and got my very very unexpected and real life changing BFP in December. 27 weeks now and can't wait to snuggle my new litttle princess. PG ok so far, chose not to have any extra test done.
I can imagine telling DH will be challenging, Only thing I'd say is give him time if his first reaction is
lots of hand holding and on fab 40 thread
congrats by the way

CheckpointCharlie · 27/04/2013 22:01

I like the sound of your house turning

morethanpotatoprints · 27/04/2013 22:10

Hello OP.

You are in shock, of course. I remember it well although was 38. Doctor had one week previous confirmed I was going through a very early menopause.

I cried for 2 whole weeks as just got life on track after 2 older dc. (both boys). I knew we had options and dh's comments were not positive either. After the initial shock we realised for us there were no options and we had a lovely little girl who is 9 now. The whole family adore her and she has made the family complete.
Congratulations, you will get over the shock in a couple of weeks.
Sending you lots of hugs and a hand, and shoulder if you fancy a cry

Ledkr · 27/04/2013 22:13

Me too op. surprise pg at 43 I was shocked and scared but she's two now and of course we all adore her. Not easy though.
I had fab early tests at the fmc in Harley street which were amazing and helped me to relax.
I have three good mum friends I met a toddler groups who are the same age

Ledkr · 27/04/2013 22:14

I think I cried for weeks too.

syl1985 · 27/04/2013 22:54

Hi Sweerpanic,

My 3rd was an accident. I was so shocked. Now I can't imagine my life without him. I'm so happy with him and all three of them.

With my first child some of my family and others thought he was an accident. Reason: Because I was a so called young mother. I was 20 and my husband 35. We had a good income and everything was good in our lives.
I was just judged on my age.
That was so very painful. We were so happy that we were pregnant.

Then our little surprise.
That was the other way around. Halfway my pregnancy I felt better about it. But at the beginning it was terrible. I was so worried about what will happen. How will I and we as a couple cope with 3 kids, finances and lot's of other worries and not sure if I wanted the baby.

Everyone around me was so happy for us. But I just wanted to be left alone. I felt like that I had to pretend to be very happy, but in reality I so wasn't happy at that time.
I told close family and friends that it was an unexpected baby for us. Most of them were really helping me threw that difficult time.

It's hard and I hope that your husband and others around you will be very supportive. It's hard and it might feel so overwhelming, but it's not the end of the world. You can always have a chat with your GP or midwife about your feelings and worries. Even if you feel negative about the baby. You can have a chat with them. They'll be there for you to support you.

Sylvia

Sheerpanic · 28/04/2013 06:16

I had a much better sleep than I thought I would, but have been woken by spectacular nausea. Had to run to the bathroom an unfortunately didn't quite get there fast enough, baby wipes are great though, so many uses.
DH text me at 11 to say they'd had a great day, got in safely and he loves me an misses me so much. He can't wait to get home! That made me almost laugh.
The positive comments from you all is brilliant. I Keep crying though, I am such a mess. Not long now and I guess we can take it from there.
DH was so thrilled when we found out about the DC, just can't see it this time. Only a matter of hours now though.

OP posts:

TiredFeet · 28/04/2013 06:52

Glad you slept! Sorry about the sickness, its the last thing you need. I hope it all goes well today

scarecrow22 · 28/04/2013 06:58

sheer another hand - and more good tales from the other side.

I'm 42 and my 20 day old son is downstairs snoozing while DH plays trains with 2yo DD. I have a precious 90 min lie in with no child, but worth not sleeping to tell you all the good stuff.

firstly the 40+ fab mums to be thread is just that - fantastic. It saved me in early weeks when I had a lit on at work felt suck as a dog and was worrying about fact I had bled heavily a few weeks before I found was pg. I've just "graduated" to the 49+ mums thread set up because there were so many if us in our 40s. Three PPs are in it and have mentioned it. You will get kits of friendship, laughs and support from MNetters with un/planned pgs, delighted/terrified dps, and great baking in the coffee lounge we set up, where the rota if waiters and foot masseurs includes George Clooney, Colin Firth and Michael Fassbender

second lots if us have had extra scans, mostly done by or linked to the Feotal Medicine Centre in London. These cost up to c £300 (but I think less too) and give you a massively more accurate early scan and estimate if Rusk numbers. Ladies on the thread above can advise you where or how to find out about it if you are nit in London (I am so went to FMC itself). If you an possibly afford it it is massively with it for reassurance.

Finally my DCs were planned (though DH did panic anyway!). But it takes 2 to make an accident, so to speak, so while it will help to share your fears and anxieties with DH you do not need to feel you take the blame or carry any burden if guilt for him. He sounds lovely though.

My aunt found our many years ago she was an "accident", and was v upset. My grandfather told her they had planned to only have 2 DCs but she was a live child. I have always been very struck by this lovely story.

Good luck, and I hope you and family stay safe and perhaps to meet again on the 40+ mums thread one day xx

GenghisCanDoHisOwnWashing · 28/04/2013 07:00

SheerPanic - what time is he back? I know the situation won't have changed but I am sure it will feel better to have shared this news with someone in RL. I'm guessing you have had a contraceptive failure rather than a drunken night of chancing it. Either way, there can be no blame assigned, you are in this together.
There are lots of positive stories on here, both about healthy pregnancies and also the wonderful impact of a 'late surprise' on a family - I hope you can draw strength from them. Take care of yourself and good luck for later - could your dc go round for a play at grandparents or something while you 'get the house straight' or some such excuse so that you can have dh to yourself for a bit? I'll be thinking of you!

scarecrow22 · 28/04/2013 07:02

sorry awful typos, can't get on with new cheap phone.

importantly is "40+" graduates thread, and my aunt was a "love" child

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2013 07:51

Friend had her surprise DC3 six months ago. Her other children are due to start school and preschool in September. Like you, she was looking forward to reduced child care costs, and moving on from the baby phase. She was 39. In her case, her DH was over the moon. Her previous pg were uneventful, as was her third. The other children adore their little sister and are old enough to be fairly helpful (middle child was potty trained before baby was born) She says 3 is not really that different from 2, but she is very laid back.The baby phase will end - just a bit later than planned. Her DH has now had the snip!

coorong · 28/04/2013 07:54

Don't forget to take your folic acid - irrespective of what you decide and sorry to hear about the nausea.

Remember, the first few weeks of pregnancy are often awful - all those hormones and nausea .....yuk!

IHateSafeStyle · 28/04/2013 07:56

Thinking of you, but just a though can you get rid of the FC do you two can talk properly?

JulesJules · 28/04/2013 08:13

Hello Sheer!

I had my dds at 41 and 43 and it was all fine. Yes, making the decision to have a cvs and then waiting for the results was an anxious time, fortunately everything was clear. There are much more sophisticated scans available now.

I've only ever been pg in my 40s so I've got nothing to compare it to, but it seemed OK to me

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Foxeym · 28/04/2013 08:54

Hi, I'll be 42 when I have DC3, totally unexpected as in a new relationship and wasn't planning on any more. My 2 DD's are 15 and 12 so going to have a huge gap but they are excited.
My nuchal has come back at 1 in 19000 when for my age it should be 1 in 75 so classed as extremely low risk so have chosen not to have any more tests. Also with my previous pregnancies I had terrible all day sickness the whole way through, with this one I had a bit between weeks 7 - 13 but now feel fine :o)

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2013 08:58

Are your concerns about your age OP, or is it that, in your mind you'd finished the family you'd planned? if the former, then there are many reassuring tales of ladies who had healthy babies in their 40s. The latter I suspect is harder to deal with, and happened to an acquaintance at the ripe old age of 31, having had her DC at 25 and 28.

ohcluttergotme · 28/04/2013 09:03

Hi Sheer, just offering hand. So understand how you feel about seeing the light at the end of tunnel re childcare costs. If you did decide to go ahead with pregnancy could you think of changing hours of work so you & dh juggle all childcare between you?
Agree that it would be good if you could have dc shipped off for a few hours to give you & dh some time. Also thinking if he had a busy day yesterday which involved some alcohol his reaction may be different to if he was sober last night. Just a thought. Sorry you're feeling so sick & hope this passes. Thinking of you x

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