husband wont help with names

[myhouseWILLbecleanthisyear]

Hi,

I dont often post on here, but I am looking for some mumsnet honesty.

Im 30 weeks pregnant today with DC3 and having real trouble with finding a name both me and DH like. We had a 4D scan at 25 weeks and found out it was a girl. We had a boys name sorted (DH's choice), but not a girls. Anyway now its a girl we need to start again and DH is being no help whatsoever.

I want to give her a name as to me she's a real person and I want to start calling her by her name so we can start thinking of her as a person and not just a baby. So I have been looking and thinking of girls names. I have made a few suggestions to DH and he either makes a no-way type of comment or just grunts. Ive told him to come up with a name and all he says is that he doesnt like any girls names so wont be able to come up with anything and Ive got to choose.

So the other day I thought of a first name and middle name and he didnt whinge, so Ive decided that the name I had chosen was going to be the baby's name. Now he's saying its horrible. What do I do? He wont think of a name, Ive been telling him to think of something and he wont even consider anything.

First of all am I being silly? Im 30 weeks so potentially could have another 12 weeks to go, as DH says plenty of time to start thinking of a name. However, I cant help getting upset at DH for not helping me come up with a name and I really want one now. He tells me to choose and everything I do isnt good enough What do I do?

Thanks.

[KateeTheBump]

Its the other way around in our house, DP is in every baby names book and on the internet looking for names, I've been fairly proactive in the early weeks and am now fed up of it all and want just to wait until near the end to draw up a short list. We got the girl names sorted, its the boy names that are a problem. We don't know what will actually suit the baby when its born, so would rather not saddle it with something that will define him/her before then!

OP, I would suggest you draw up a shortlist, of say 10 names in the next few weeks and then put them to your DH - if you keep going on about it you will most likely piss him off and make him more stubborn!

[MackerelOfFact]

You are being a little unreasonable needing to have a name picked out by some arbitrary point in the pregnancy. The baby doesn't need a name until you register it, so why should your DH settle for something at this stage which he doesn't necessarily like? There is no hurry, you're still 30wks pregnant. There is time to find something you both like.

Go to the baby names section on MN, list the names you like and the reasons DH doesn't like them and we'll try and help you think of some alternatives, if you want. It is stressfull but you're imposing unnecessary stress on yourself by getting worked up about this. :)

[spookshowangel]

all of mine were named in the hospital prob about 30mins after they were born, only with the first did we have a name picked out and it was so horrible when she was born it was like hitting her over the head with a cactus, it just didnt fit her at all. so now i have a list of names i like floating around my head and one just tends to float to the surface and you say it and its like a magical moment because it just fits wonderfully. last time it was a name we had both vetoed but couldnt deny it suited him.

[lenak]

OP - I totally understand where you're coming from (I'm 30 weeks too ).

I really don't get people who don't find out the sex or have a name picked out - but then I hate surprises and not being prepared. It would drive me insane.

Each to their own on and all that, but I think the people telling the OP to chill out obviously don't understand what it is like to feel that way - try a little empathy maybe?

We are having a girl (DD2) too and we had a girls name chosen before we even conceived. DD1's name was chosen by the time I was eight weeks pregnant. However, we couldn't agree on a boys name at all. I loathed DH's suggestions for boys names and he didn't like any of mine.

In the end, I told him if it was boy, his name would be X unless he could come up with something I loved. When he objected, I told him if we couldn't agree then the fact that it was me that had gone through the pregnancy gave me the deciding vote .

Try doing the same - tell him that unless he comes up with something himself, her name will be whatever you have chosen. You don't have to go on about it then and you leave the ball firmly in his court!

[ASByatt]

Can you not just keep a list of the names that you come up with over a couple of weeks - gives you time to think about them, try them out in your head etc? Then you're prepared when your DH is ready to talk about it - of course, he may be thinking about names anyway but just not letting on???

I agree that he's not being brilliantly helpful, but it sounds as if you're ending up at loggerheads about it all, when this is different to how you've done things before anyway.

I'm confused as to why you've decided that choosing a name at a later stage means that it won't be a suitable name? (One of my friends chose a name for her baby as soon as they found it it would be a boy. All the way through the pregnancy they used the name, told everyone etc. When he was born, she decided that she'd gone right off the name, as the baby was new and special and the name had been around for months already and she wanted to start again, so they did.....)

[LoveBeingAbleToNamechange]

I'm sorry but calling her dh a shit and saying he's sulking cause it's mot a boy isnt helping either. Surely the op saying she WANTS to do it now might as well have said with a stamp of the foot?

Op. There is nothing to stop you coming up with names you like and waiting a couple of weeks to discuss them, by firing a different name every few days I think you are more likely to end up with one just decided on rather than one you really like which is what you said you wanted.

[theonlyhb2]

i'm with you pictish i don't see the need to find out what sex it is let alone have a definite name already for a boy or girl. who knows what its going to look like when it comes out? you have 6 weeks to register your babies name, why worry about it now?

OH & I bought a couple of baby name books to begin with, both wrote a list of names, then crossed each others out as we didnt like them and didnt bother looking again til this weekend (am 35 wks). we will both make lists, we will both poo-poo a name as soon as the other one says it, but I know we will decide on one when it pops out.

Your DH, like most men (and a lot of women!) does not want to be forced to make a decision now. which is fair enough.

[pictish]

As I said previously OP, if you are determined this baby should be named now, then make a shortlist of a handful you really like, and then have you and your dh choose from it together at your leisure.

[Fifis25StottieCakes]

Just to add, ive seen loads of posts on baby names where people have named their child then wanted to change it.

Go with a name you like op or try and reach a compromise with your OH.

The one child my OH named hates her name. I like it but she loathes it.

[questforanswers]

Wow! As amusing as it is seeing 2 ladies slogging it out on a forum I'm not entirely sure how it's helping the OP with her problem?

[questforanswers]

There are so many joys to bringing a life into this world and the name is just one of them. All the peeps that are saying OP is being 'bossy' or nagging tell me you never picked out names when you were younger, before you had even THOUGHT of getting pregnant and I will call you a liar.
OP's DH sounds as though he has regressed back to his teen years where he sulked if he didn't get things exactly as he liked them. My OH 'wanted' a boy when his ex was pregnant and he had a DD. Now I'm pregnant he wants another girl (probably due to his DD being soooooooo cute without realising ) Once his baby girl is born I'm sure he will realise what an arse he has been (especially when you refuse to change the name you have picked )

[RingEir]

Myhouse - I think you'll just have to accept for now that what is a priority to you is not a priority for your DH. How does he refer to the baby at the moment? If he says 'bubba' or whatever, just make a face and make it clear you don't like that. I think it's fair enough after he has been so dismissive about your choices. I don't think you are being bossy, you just want your DH to be interested and involved in the name-choosing, but you can't force him to be, and if you try, he'll just dig his heels in even more. You still have two months left to choose a name, so there's no need to panic. And of course the baby won't be stuck with something last-minute or horrible because you wouldn't agree to that.

[pictish]

That was to LoveBeingAbleToNameChange - not to LadyInTheRadiator.

To LadyInTheRadiator I say bollocks. I'm not mocking her...I'm simply saying calm the heck down, what's the big rush? Stop trying to force a decision way before it needs to be made.

[pictish]

Indeed.

[LoveBeingAbleToNamechange]

I think the point Pictish is making (I hope ) is that the op has said with the other two they waited till last min/after the birth and she has changed how they would normally do it, her bringing it up again and again is just winding her and probably her dh who can't understand what the rush is all of a sudden.

[pictish]

Eh??

How do you work that one out?

[wigglesrock]

Completely disagree, you're having a baby, you would like to choose a name,it's important to you, he couldn't be bothered but "doesn't like any girls names" .

Strange that most posts regarding what a mum wants in pregnancy ie home/hospital birth, who she would like at the birth, when she should tell people/ work etc are met with whatever makes you feel comfortable, its your baby, but this OP is being told to catch herself on because she would like to have a name picked for her daughter.

[pictish]

Agree Benne. It's all so 'I WANT' and 'I DON'T WANT' and 'NOW NOW NOW'

It would get on my tits too, and I wouldn't appreciate being cornered about it on a weekly basis. I am not surprised her dh is being so reticent about it all. The OP is being very impatient, and this idea that leaving the name till the baby is born, meaning being stuck with something the OP hates is just nonsense isn't it? It's just over exuberance on the OPs part and she is being a bit like a steam roller insisting on a name now. Sorry OP.

[benne81]

I think you really need to just take a step back from the situation and relax. I understand if you want to have a name for the baby now but its obviously not top priority for your hubbie at this time and maybe he just needs a bit more time to get used to the gender.

I don't really get even finding out the sex never mind choosing the name before the baby is born - all just seems so definite & decided before the little one arrives and seems to take away the surprise and fun element to me. I have a number of options for both sexes but husband is not keen in discussing names much until baby arrives and we can actually meet the little one see what they are like and then decide. I don't think its going to harm him/her if they don't have a name for a few days whilst we decide and certainly doesn't make him/her seem less of a 'real person'!

I know that you feel very diffierently but really its not the end of the world, just give your husband a bit of space - you have months to decide!

[Fifis25StottieCakes]

All my bumps were named and thats what we used.

DD1 - he disliked the name i chose and the 2nd choice so i told him to make a list of 3 and i would pick one. This was on the condition i would choose dd2's name

DD2 - i used the name i had always wanted with dd1.

DD3 - he actually loved the name i picked.

Make a joint list of 3 names each and cross a one of each others list in turn till you are left with 2 names. Fight it out for one you like

[wigglesrock]

Look he's being a dick, if he doesn't like the name you have picked then he needs to make some suggestions himself. I can't stand bump names either, I have always decided on a name boy or girl a few weeks before the baby is born. I don't get the "we'll see what the baby looks like" my dds would be called wrinkly, overcooked and gorgeous if that were the case.