Working mums...

[Basketcase28]

For financial reasons, it's necessary that i return to work fairly soon after the birth of my child. By fairly soon, i'm thinking of possibly 4 months after. 6 months if we can survive on the statutory maternity pay for that long.
I feel absolutely wretched about this. :-(

I'm in a stable relationship, and this is our first child. Very, very much wanted. I tried unsuccessfully for 7 years before conceiving (polycystic ovaries) and discovered i was 5 weeks pregnant during a scan to further investigate my infertility (ho ho ho). I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.
My partner and i both work full time, and whilst we are not very high earners, we have always managed. We don't have extravagent lifestyles and are cutting back already as much as we can, however, it's obvious that we can not survive for long on just his wage and the SMP.

I've looked into nurseries, and it's looking to be about £860 per month, and it's making me feel quite resentful that we'll be paying someone to effectively raise our child, when i make a great deal more than that monthly.
I do want to return to work eventually, and i do enjoy my job, and would miss it, but the thought of having to leave my baby at such a young age is heartbreaking.

We don't have any family to help out either as all my family are in Scotland, and his live over 3 hours drive away. We have no real close friends either.

I'm a bit clueless when it comes to things like finances and entitlements, but i'd be interested to hear how other working mums cope with leaving their child.
The thought of it is really upsetting me. :-(

[1Catherine1]

I too have to do the responsible thing and return to work quite quickly.

My partner and I are lucky to a certain extent that we work opposite hours. We are looking at spending the next 5 years rarely seeing each other but it's going to save us a fortune. Since we don't earn a great deal between us and I am the main earner by over £10k a year I can't really afford to take more than 18 weeks maternity leave.

The plan so far is for me to out of the house from 8am to 4pm Monday to Friday. And him to be out of the house from 2:30pm to 2am Wednesday to Sunday. This leaves use with one and a half hours 3 days a week that I need to find somewhere for the LO to be. Being so far away from family and friends though I need to find something suitable. Any suggestions are welcome.

[cuteboots]

I had to go back to work about six weeks after having my son as I just couldnt afford not to being a single mum. I paid £800 a month but this has now gone down as hes at school. I cried my heart out for the first week and felt such a total cow for leaving him but I just couldnt live on benefits.I have been very lucky in that my childminder is lovely and Ive never had any issues with her or the care she provides. My son is such a forward and happy little boy and she does so much stuff with all the children she looks after that I may have had doubts in the beggining but know I am doing the right thing. I dont think its ever easy and whatever choice you make it will never be an easy one

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Whilst I haven't really thought too much about what childcare arrangements will be when I go back to work (mostly because we don't know where we'll be living at the time), I have a lot of sympathy (and empathy) for those of us who don't live near family. Almost all the working mums I know have parents or PILs to help with childcare - even if its just a case of them to fill in the gap between the nursery and home (e.g. if you have to work late).

As I don't have this grandparent luxury (too old AND too far away) I'm going to spend a good chunk of my ML building friendships with other mums in the hope that I can build an informal emergency network. There are enough women around who don't live near parents that there must be lots of people in the same situation.

To the OP all I can really say is try not to worry about things you can't control. I'm sure you will manage somehow, even if it is hard. Despite what a lot of the doom-mongers say in the media, I really cannot believe that your child will suffer from going into childcare at an early age, and your bond won't be affected. Definitely use any childcare vouchers on offer from your or your DP's employers - remember you can start claiming them as soon as the baby is born, and from a tax POV it makes so much sense to do so.

[foxinsocks]

Hi

I just want to tell you my experience so feel free to ignore if you wish.

I work FT and went back to work when dd was 4 months old (I've since had ds).

It may sound awful (!) but for me, it wasn't as hard emotionally as I thought it would be. What I found difficult was how tired I was (physically as much as emotionally). Dd wasn't sleeping through then and I was virtually comatose for the first few months I was back at work. I mean literally comatose, like falling asleep in the toilet, that tired.

My biggest mistake though was using a nursery. Dd, being my first child, had up to that point, barely had a sniffle. The minute she started at the nursery, she got conjunctivitis and was off for 10 days (they wouldn't let her back till it had gone). Then she had a runny tummy and I had to pick her up. Then she got a stomach bug....and it went on and on and on.

The problem I found with nurseries, is that if you are sending a small baby there, they pick up absolutely everything going. This had such a massive impact on me working that for a while I had to give up as we too had no other adults to cover for us, other than myself or dh and it was a massive strain on us.

If I could do it all again, I wouldn't put a baby so young in a nursery. I know that for some people it's their only option but with hindsight, I felt it was the wrong decision. Childminders will have other children with them but not as many as a nursery will have (in terms of germs spreading).

I now work full time (as does dh) but we have a nanny and even though it does cost a lot, the peace of mind it has given us is huge. I know a nanny can't be an option for everyone due to cost, but don't rule out a childminder over a nursery. If I could do my time again, I would have done it differently.

[whizzymummy]

Hi new to the thread but thought I'd post when I saw the title.
If I could just add to the last post - it's not an option for everyone but in some areas you could also try sharing a nanny which can work out similar in cost to a childminder or nursery. It seems to be popular in London where I live and I know loads of people who have made it work with the first child when returning to work.
I have two DC and when my first was born I really wanted to return to work part time (3 days) but didn't like any of the nurseries I saw and couldn't afford a nanny. I was lucky enough to find another family who had one child and we ended up sharing a nanny - so the two kids were looked after on the same days by the nanny in one of our houses and we split the cost. After I had maternity leave for my DD we actually then ended up doing another nanny share with the same nanny, so nanny looked after our two and another little boy. The families just worked out how to share the costs. I suppose for our nanny it was not very different to having a family with 3 kids.
Anyway, it's not for everyone as you have more admin (relating to tax etc) to do whereas a childminder does their own.
I consider myself really lucky a few years on from having my DS who is now nearly 5 - I have moved jobs since my return to work after DD and my DH had a promotion and now we earn enough to pay a nanny on our own. It is such a luxury and we can only afford it because we both can get childcare vouchers (you can pay ofsted registered nannies with CCVs) - I know it won't be like this forever, one day when my DC are in school we may actually take home some of my income beyond paying childcare and travel.
I now work 4 days a week and love it - being a SAHM wasn't for me. I love my days at work and then have 3 treasured days with the DC.
Good luck all of you considering your options.

[FindingMyMojo]

I would like to share my really positive experience with CM.

I was lucky enough to have 8 months maternity leave. Well I say lucky but DP & I were not together & he was behaving badly so I was planning as a single Mum. About halfway through my pregnancy I rented out my flat & moved into a shared house with friends where rent/costs etc was much cheaper & I had company. Thankfully it worked out really well for us all. It also ment I could get through the 8 months on stat maternity pay and some savings. It turned out I spent a lot less than I had thought I would which was a blessing.

Through word of mouth I found our CM. I wasn't too keen on a nursery though one was very close. The CM I found (only one I met with) was so lovely. She clicked with DD & clicked with me & DP (who had sorted himself out & now was back with us). I made a huge difference to my return to work & we are still with the same CM now & DD is nearly 3. She is like DD's 2nd Mum. Now some ladies might not like that, but for me it is wonderful & it makes all the difference knowing I am leaving DD with someone who is not only professional & well trained, but really genuinely cares for DD. It's a mutual love.

I bonded well with DD & despite her strong ties to CM I don't feel that this takes anything at all away from our relationship.
It makes a huge difference to my working day to know DD is in responsible, caring & loving hands.

I spend one third of my annual take home pay on childcare. DP earns just above minimum wage - so yes its tough. We don't get any help from govt & we live in one bed flat still. But we are happy, DD is happy. We live frugally, I buy almost everything for DD (& myself) from ebay or Primark. We've managed a holiday the last 2 years staying with family abroad, but as far as saving for the future or to buy a 2 bed flat goes, its tough. It will get better/easier when DD starts nursery in January - well it would apart from DC2 being on the way so actually it's going to get a heck of a lot worse. I don't know how much maternity leave I'm going to manage next year, but I'm scrimping & saving now to supplement DP's tiny wage & my maternity leave. Fingers crossed DP doesn't lose his job after Octobers Government Spending Review.

When I got pregnant with DD I was so stressed - my wise younger sister (single mum since 19) said to me "be cool, it will all work out OK" - and she was right then. Its a good motto.