Refusing to poo in potty or loo

[bluedanube]

Hi,
I think this is a fairly common problem so I'm hoping for some tips on how to deal with my 3 year old son's refusal to poo in the potty or on the loo. He's doing great with weeing on the loo but goes into hysterics if I suggest doing poo there and grabs his nappy. If we're out he won't tell me he needs a poo and does it in his pants.

I've tried lining the potty with a nappy, and bribery but neither worked.

Any tips most appreciated!

Thanks.

[MummyNic]

Had the same with 3yo DS. Potty training started 2.5 months ago... Wee was cracked within 2 weeks... Poo took until 1.5 weeks ago!

Someone (my bloody mother!) had told DS that his poo was stinky. I tell him how lovely his poo is and say "try to go on the loo / potty next time" etc.

In the end... He just started doing it! I didn't shout, I tried to not show my stress.

However, I was just about to try this (which worked for a friend):
Buy about 5 treats (toy cars / trucks / anything they love), arrange them on a visible but out-of-reach shelf / windowsill. Show the "prizes" to DC and say "when you manage to do a poo on potty / loo you'll have one of these.
Friends DC was poo trained in 3 days after this!
If they can see the reward they become quite motivated apparently

Good luck x

[MTB1]

We had the same problem with DD, but did crack it eventually. I think this was due to a combination of poo goes to pooland, and lots of talk about poos, eg 'I wonder if it will be a big one today?' and 'poor poo, wants to come out and see his friends in the toilet, he must be sad' also, found that if we got her to sit on the toilet when she knew a poo was coming she would start to panic, so we would have to do a ridiculous amount of distraction to get her to stay there, eg, launching into song very loudly or dancing for her! Once she's been a couple of times and realised it was OK to poo sitting down she was fine. The the other problem was she wanted them to be pink. Wasn't a lot I could do about that....

[Ginlord]

I've got no advice but I really like how the thread title rhymes

[MartinPlattRGN]

Apologies for reanimation of zombie thread (but loving the cartoon zombie alert!).


DD is three and a half. She has been out of nappies during the day for over a year, no problems at all with wees (think she's wet herself about twice in all that time).

She has never done a poo anywhere but in a nappy. She has never done a poo at nursery since she went into knickers. We have tried offering bribes, it started with chocolate buttons and in a moment of desperation DH has now promised her a scooter. She still will not even TRY. It's driving me round the twist. DS is 18m and takes it aaaaaaaall in so I'm worried we'll have the same again with him.

We have tried Mr Poo goes to Pooland but she doesn't soil or withhold, just demands a nappy (she's very regular) so she was a bit wtf about that to be honest. We've also read I Want My Potty and I've Finished and On My Potty about a billion times.

We have tried offering games/DVDs on the potty/loo but she won't even consider it.

I have tried talking to her about it, is there something that she finds worrying or scary or uncomfortable about it, she just says 'because!'

She's very competitive so we've tried telling her that her friends all use the potty/toilet because they are big boys and girls. She hasn't taken the bait.

DH got cross and told her point blank that he hates changing pooey nappies and that he gets annoyed changing hers as she won't even try to poo anywhere else. I know this is against all parenting advice but he was at the end of his rope and tbf she is quite sophisticated in her reasoning a lot of the time and I did wonder if talking to her on a more grown-up level might help. But it didn't.

So this has been going on for over a year, she started potty training in May 2012! She's virtually dry at night now. DS has started sitting on the potty, nothing happens but he is clearly interested.

She is stubborn as a very very stubborn thing. She is usually motivated by treats. I just don't know what we can try. I wondered about refusing to put a nappy on her and just leaving her to it but I don't want her to start witholding. She doesn't and has never soiled so it's not a physical thing.

Any ideas? I expect she will just carry on as she is until she can change her own nappy :(

[MartinPlattRGN]

Bumping for the breakfast crowd! Lovely.

Yours in desperation
MP

[ratqueen]

Hi MP, I just came on this thread for the exact same reason as you. My DD is 3.5 and has been dry during at night for almost a year, and in pants apart from for poos since 2.11. She has wet herself about twice in all that time (she can hold on for hours). The only (big) issue we have is pooing.

I have tried literally everything, like you. My potty training book has no advice for someone whose child simply point blank refuses to comply with any of the 'just stay relaxed and try this' advice offered in them.

When things are going normally, and she can simply request a nappy every evening, she poos reguarly. But when the slightest thing changes (holiday, visitors, weekend away, new baby five weeks ago), she stops pooing and becomes constipated until things get back to normal. That is the most upsetting part but I also just feel like a crap parent when I see other children happily taking themselves off to the loo months in.

Sorry, no advice but you're not alone!

[fanny75]

I love this thread - we too are having the same problem. And DS needs to be clean to go to nursery (he's 3 months shy of being 3).

He's pretty good with wees, altho not so good at telling us - sometimes he does, but other times he's hopping around. But poos. No way. He crouches over and goes to hide in a corner, and then will tell us what he has done. Altho now he's not telling us because we tell him that he needs to poo in the potty and not in the pants. Nursery have kicked him out until we can sort this out!

I've bought 'Everyone Poops' which doesn't seem to be that much of a hit, and I've found Poo goes to Pooland which we'll try today. I have been giving DS a bit of lactulose everyday to help soften the poo as I have a feeling he's had some uncomfortable ones which have made him more reluctant to perform. I know it will come eventually, but I really really really want DS to go to nursery and play with other children, for his sake and mine!

This is a great thread, and some positive ideas/tips. I don't want to wait until he's 4 tho!!

[crazybutterflylady]

I'm having exactly the same problem here. I've tried everything on this thread. She is just so stubborn. She will sit on the toilet/potty but as soon as she feels it coming she jumps down and pulls it back in (!). It is driving me MAD!!! I've now started taking things away until she goes. No classes, no treats, no TV. She can only watch TV if she is sitting on the potty. I know it's against all parenting advice to make a big deal of it but 7 months on from potty training and still no poo...(she did initially but after a hideous day at nursery where they didn't handle things well she requests a nappy when she needs to go, goes, then we clean it straight up.) I've just had enough of it!!

I need a miracle cure I think.

[katieglastonbury]

I've been potty training my little boy for a little while now. He is also very stubborn and I was ready to give up. But I read a blog on this website by a lady called Kate and it made me realise I was confusing my son by caving in and putting a nappy on him when out walking the dog or visiting people and in the car just because it was less hassle than keep cleaning him up. www.theparentconsultancy.com/potty-training/toilet-training-trouble The parent consultant, Kate Barlow explained to me that having accidents is important in the potty training process and if it's inconvenient to clean up after accidents whilst we're out then we could try 'dry like me' pads - they soak up wee wee and avoid number two sticking to pants - yuk. But the child still feels the discomfort and thus should avoid messing themselves. She gave me the confidence not to give up and a few cool ideas to refresh the situation. Like getting my little one to aim for a cheerio in the loo. I've contacted Kate for other things too like sleeping and behaviour and it's amazing how her simple, straightforward approach is so successful. Don't give up, it gets better.

[dixiezephyrmohawk]

Having similar problems with a poo refusenik... Hoping DS (2.4yrs) will respond well to Poo in Pooland which, thanks to this thread, I have just downloaded! Have also got great support and advice from The Parent Consultancy (www.theparentconsultancy.com/) and am hoping we can crack it in the next week or two...

[BHillary]

My daughter turned 3 last month and has been fully dry for about 2 months but will not poo in the toilet what so ever. She holds it for days then poos in her pants. I really don't know what to do have tried all these suggestions

[BHillary]

Thought I'd update I case anybody reads this in frustration like I did a few months ago.
My daughter cracked it about a month after me posting! Just be persistent they get there x

[Kittykat2027]

Omg there are so many of you sharing my problem. I have just posted is my son lactose intolerant and the found this and realised we are not the only ones dealing with this. My son goes fine for a wee. He's four and he's dry at night but he will not attempt to go for a poo. He tries to wipe his bum in an attempt to hide the fact he's done it. My post explains why he's scared. I have tried literally everything but he still refuses to do it on the toilet or the potty. My daughter is 2. 5 and noticing now when she needs to go but seeing her brothers anxiety seems to stop her. One min she's encouraged we try toilet train, stickers then The next she's telling me it's bad.

I have two older boys and have never potty trained a girl so with her it's new but my younger son has always had issues from a tiny baby.
Thank you for posting!!