Potty training upset 3 year old

[SnowWhite26]

Mt 3 yr old asked to go in knickers and has done a few tiny wees on potty and gets a sticker. Tonight she hadnt gone for a big wee all day so was obviously uncomfortable. Put nappy on at night like normal and have just had her inconsably crying about needeing the potty. I got her up and changed her nappy which was soaking. Shes settled for now. Shall we give up with training for now? Shes obviously starting to understand what a wet nappy feels like but dont want her to be traumatized! Any ideas? X

[Move2WY]

@Monstersunderthebed would you like to give the OP a time machine along with that helpful nugget of advice?

[Namelessinseattle]

I think find a method and stick to it. We’re using oh crap potty training. And literally didn’t leave the house for the first 4 days - online grocery shopping and everything. It’s really helpful to have a guidline. She says that every child has cues to pee and you just need to figure out what your child’s are. That overpromotingg them to use the potty when they don’t need to (and know they don’t) can cause stress and that was defo what I was guilty off. He’s doing great though. But he’s 2.5 so younger. We’re stjll doing nappies at night.

[SoftSheen]

I would suggest staying at home for 2-3 days with nothing on her bottom half- it will be quicker and easier for her to get to the loo. Once she has got the idea move to loose trousers only for a few days, then finally reintroduce pants. Definitely no more pull-ups (except at night).

Time and patience is required, some children take several weeks to potty train. Try a small reward for successes (sticker or smartie, etc).

[lovetherisingsun]

Knickers all the way. Keep regularly putting her on the potty/toilet, even if she does nothing - "wee wee time!" etc. Don't go back. It can be hard at first when they keep wetting themselves but they will soon get used to it. Pirate Pete's Potty was a great book we used to help with our first (they have a girl's equivalent, not sure what it's called) - reading to her similar things may help her make the association with weeing in the potty etc more comfortably.

[lovetherisingsun]

I should say we used pullups still in the first week or so for car journeys after staying indoors for a few days totally nappy-free. First and third borns had pull ups at night, second born was instantly dry. Took many changes of clohthes for park trips etc, and just made sure to keep trying them on the toilet. They get it eventually x

[Monstersunderthebed]

I am surprised that a 3 year old is not yet toilet trained. I have 4 children who were all toilet trained before they were 2 years old. It took less than a week with each one. I have to say my boys were not completely dry at night by 2 and had a few accidents during the night. They were very deep sleepers. My girls did not wear a nappy day or night since they were 2 years old. I agree that it’s not helpful to suggest it should have been done earlier. The OP has however mentioned the age of her child. This is relevant to understanding and also to whether it is a reasonable time to be persevering with such training. People are generally seeking advice and it is my opinion that a 3 year old should be toilet trained. I assumed obviously wrongly that they must have tried toilet training earlier and perhaps given up too easily therefore child was still not in pants and was 3 years old. Perhaps it’s a generational difference. It seems more and more common for children to still be in nappies aged 3.

[Sal1977]

I think pre-2yrs old is very young to be toilet trained. Your children must be exceptionally clever and gifted and so much more advanced than other children. You must be chuffed to bits!

My DS is 2yrs 9 months. He kicks off if I try him on the potty. I'm not gonna force him. We've got more fun things to be getting on with. As long as he's done by school, I'll be happy.

[hamburgers]

Slightly off topic and re @Sal1977's commeny, I think it's a very UK thing to leave toilet training so late. 3?! Really? I was toilet trained at 12 months and plan to toilet train my DD by 18 months. But I'm an immigrant so what do I know right.

[Monstersunderthebed]

I am not chuffed to bits. I was told by the HV that children should be toilet trained by 2 not 24 months exactly but it just so happens that was case for mine. I took the time to prioritise it because it was important to teach them how to use a toilet and given that they were all in childcare at that age I would not have expected the childminder or nursery workers to be changing the nappy of a child who should have been able to use the toilet. I remember being quite shocked when a family friend visited my house with her 3 year old and proceeded to lie him down and change his nappy. In fact I was horrified. The fact that my friend thought it was normal also shocked me. Btw I said nothing. I have a number of coworkers who speak about toilet training and their children are over 3 and I find it quite alarming. Just my opinion. Children will not learn to toilet train on their own. It’s the same as everything else. They need to be taught how to. I for one would not be happy to wait in line for a baby changing room with a 3 year old

[Mrsfrumble]

I agree that it’s not helpful to suggest it should have been done earlier.

Why not stop it then, eh?

[Sal1977]

Meh.

I'm 41yrs old and have no idea when I was toilet trained. I've done alright.

[Robots1Humans0]

She sounds like she is tensing up on the potty. I've heard of giving kids bubbles to blow while on the potty to help them relax to do a poop, may also work for a wee! She will get there

[Robots1Humans0]

Ps I also potty trained my eldest at 2.5 and youngest at 10 weeks, it's a juggling act ! Plenty of clean clothes and coffee!

[Robots1Humans0]

It's all well and good looking down your nose at those of us who haven't potty trained by their second birthday or before, but the OP came on here looking for advice not criticism. Toilet training is not a race, there are no prizes for first place. Same for the rest of children's milestones. Give your heads a wobble , and if you still can't support OP then kindly leave 👋

[RemoveAllPicturesOfRon]

My DD has a bit of general developmental delay, and I only potty trained her at 3.5. She held it in for AGES on the first day, but the thing that worked (and still works) for us was an exaggerated “listening for the wee wee”. DD thought it was hilarious, relaxed, listened herself and out it came! She was pretty much sorted in less than a week after that. Good luck!

[SnowWhite26]

Thankyou so much for all the useful advice
I think she will get ot once shes done a proper wee. I stick her on the potty or loo regularly but after 5 hrs of holding it in thats when shd gets upset and i give into a nappy as i dont want her to hate the toliet. Should i not put the nappy on and just let her cry and make her sit on the loo? She had a poo and wee accident at a friend's house on wed after insisting she wore knickers there and was ok about it but coz shes quite a thinker i font think she wants that to happen again and is worried X

[Sal1977]

How about putting the open nappy on the potty and getting her to go 'on' it? Show her that it's the same thing?

Try not to stress, you don't want her to end up having issues around going to the loo!

Good luck!

[Move2WY]

Don’t put a nappy on at all during day because she will get confused. Leave her in knickers and if she has an accident don’t criticise just clean her up and tell her to ask for the toilet/potty next time.

I see people are still hung up on age. Everyone needs to say it to themselves and stop writing itnout. Its not helpful for goodness sake

[Robots1Humans0]

Definitely get her on the loo when she's not desperate to go and get her to relax into it. The discomfort from holding in a wee will tense her up even more so maybe an hour or so after she's done one. Maybe when baby is asleep or chilling in a bouncer nearby. Get the bubbles out, reward sweeties or whatever at hand, maybe a pirate Pete book or similar toilet book, videos on YouTube or whatever to try and distract her from what she's doing and chill her out. Get her bare bum if you can, and once she will do a wee bare bum, then put knickers on, then build up to clothes.

[SnowWhite26]

Another day of going to the loo with a sing and no wees and 3 lots of emotional upsets when she was desperate and didnt no what to do with herself. She pooedon her knicjy and didnt tell me and only wee'd when desperate and couldnt hold it :( i dont no what to do she gets so upset!

[MadeForThis]

Ignore all the people telling you about age.

You are training now. That's al that's relevant.

We stayed home for 5 days. Very hard. Especially in bad weather. But makes it a lot easier. Invite people over.

No pull ups except at night. Chocolate buttons for every wee that makes it into the toilet. Wear clothes so they understand that messes mean clean up time away from toys.

If she's really resisting wee's, have you tried a pull up but sitting on the toilet, then gradually opening pull up so the nappy sensation is gone.

Have fun on the toilet. Songs, bubbles, toys. We had a wee wee song and a dance. Sounds ridiculous but it can work. Take the stress away. No pressure.

[SnowWhite26]

We have a song. She just fets so desperate its almost like she cant stay on the toliet and doesn't no what to do with herself. We are in tomorrow. Pre school Monday though. So i shouldnt give up and try another time?She asked to keep her knickers on to do a wee earlier x

[MrsA2015]

The people saying”she’s 3 no more nappies” need to fuck off

[Robots1Humans0]

Would she stand up in the bath (empty obviously) knickers off and do a wee?

[SnowWhite26]

She hsd her bath this evening and got up immediately saying she needed to get out. I think she did a little bit of we abd it freaked her and this was followed by a whole half an hour of been desperate byt not letting go. Then i put her in a nappy in the end as it was bed time