Please help me, desperate

[AngC273]

Hello,
My baby is a week old and I am really struggling with what I believe is PND, however it feels so extreme.
I can’t stop crying and i’m also having a few panic attacks each day.
I just want to run away! I feel suffocated and so so tired! I’m also recovering from a c section so am still uncomfortable and can’t do much. My partner is amazing and is taking care of me and I do have a good support network but I feel so alone!
I’m having really negative thoughts also such as my baby is going to die or I am going to die.
I just wish someone would admit me to hospital where I can be taken care of so I don't have to think or do anything!
Does anyone have any advice please? I don’t know which way to turn. I feel so desperate!

[AngC273]

Actually I can't see a way to private message. Please post on here and I will help you. I do understand xxxx

[AngC273]

Ginny, everything you just said is 100% how I felt, exactly.
Trust me you will get there. I couldn't imagine myself being in the position I am now.
At one point I ran away from home and contemplated ending it.
Please message me if you need help.
I promise you can beat this. You need to reach out for help. Going to your doctors is a perfect starting point.
It is tough, I won't lie, but take each day as it comes xxx

[Ginny16]

I'm so pleased to read your update. I am basically where you were when you first posted. I gave birth four weeks ago via emergency c section and have basically struggled with everything ever since. I cry all the time and want my old life back - then feel guilty for having these thoughts. I've never felt so low in my entire life. I've got an appointment to see my doctor this evening. I've been keen to avoid drugs but I can't see an alternative. I honestly don't know how women cope and am full of awe and respect for any woman who has had a baby. I stupidly thought that my maternal instincts would just click once the baby arrived but that didn't happen. I'm full of dread and anxiety every time she cries and feel completely clueless and hopeless. I just want the ground to swallow me up. At this present time I cannot see light at the end of the tunnel. I fear this is now my life and honestly don't know how much longer I can stick it.

[DramaAlpaca]

I've just read your thread. I'm so glad you got help and that you are now feeling much better. PND is horrendous, I know as I've been there. You are doing great, and your experience is proof that things can & do get better. Well done you

[AngC273]

So I thought I would update this thread as so many of you were so kind.
3 months on and I'm feeling so much better. I think time does help as does the medication.
I have fab support. I have online PND counselling every week and a perinatal nurse that visits me when needed.
I set myself small goals every day.
I can honestly say that I am enjoying motherhood and have started getting out and about.
I think getting into a routine has also helped
It's been a long scary road but I have learnt a lot on my journey.
To anyone else suffering, you can and will beat this. Be honest and open. Seek help and let others take care of you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel xx

[TopBoi]

It sounds as though you are improving but I truly believe a lot of what you're feeling can be attributed to sleep deprivation. Can anyone watch the baby for an afternoon or morning or overnight each week and let you sleep? Knowing you are going to have that respite can be really helpful.

[AngC273]

I'm getting there. No longer having panic attacks. I don't feel happy though! I just can't be bothered with anything. I don't wear make up anymore and wear drab baggy clothes. I just want to feel like me again!
The sleep deprivation doesn't help. I'm averaging about 3 hours a night. Baby doesn't sleep during day either so I can't even catch up then! 😩

[FionaBrusque]

How are you doing OP? I felt exactly as you described after having my DD and gradually am shifting the balance from stress panic and fear to joy and confidence. It's still not 100% the latter but as each month goes by I'm feeling better.

[AmyPollyMamaKind]

Hi... I felt the same. In fact the majority of my friends did. I think we are too quick to expect to be ok after such a massive change to our life/mind/and body. It is bloody hard and it's not like all these posts on social media. It took me a good 6 months for love to outweigh stress for me.

The doctors want to quickly label us and medicate (I know that is necessary sometimes) but give yourself some time. I remember I couldn't even stand up straight for 2 weeks, I was terrified. All food tasted like cardboard. And I cried because I was too scared to sterilise the bottles.

My mindfulness practice really helped me in the end.... but lots of rest and talking about it with my friends and family came first.

Lots of love xxx

[Nelly325]

The feelings of being overwhelmed by emotion are very familiar to me, I felt the same and it got drastically better after a few weeks . The enormity of what you've been through and the shock to your body are so much greater then you can prepare for in my experience. I'm sure your GP / HV will be supportive if you seek help as this is so common. Hoping for you that you feel better soon XXX🌹

[Whuut]

Hey OP, hope everythings getting better for you, sounds like it's heading in the right direction and you're doing great!

Just wanted to offer a hand and say my DS is now 10 weeks but I felt just like you around that time too. I felt so guilty for some of the thoughts I was having and thought there must be something wrong with me and I wasn't doing anything right. I found it hard to accept support at first but take all you can get as it really does help. And just so you know, even though it doesn't feel like it now, it will get easier. People said that to me but in my head I just thought 'doubt it, I'd rather just run away' but I can honestly say things are so much easier now, don't get me wrong there's still the odd tough day but I'm honestly loving it. Things seem like they will never end at the time and it's hard to see the other side but it's there, promise.

Anyway, sorry for the essay, I just really resignated with you post and hope you might find some comfort in the fact you are not alone! Big hugs, sounds like you're doing great.

[AngC273]

Thanks everyone.
My mum has my daughter for a couple of hours today whilst my partner and I went shopping and had a cheeky McDonald's I then came back and had a nap, which made me feel so much better.
My mum stays with us for a few days a week to help out

[happytobemrsg]

You’re doing really well. Take it one day at a time

[ShrimpingViolet]

for you OP. You're doing brilliantly and you've been so brave to tackle this head on. One day at a time. I promise things get easier and less "all-consuming".

[DerbyshireGirly]

You can do it OP.

[AngC273]

Feeling a bit better. Doctor has put me on 100mg of Sertraline now.
I don't feel panicked as I did.
I'm still feeling low and nowhere near my old self. I know It's going to be a long road but I'm determined to beat this with the right support.

[happytobemrsg]

How are you feeling OP? I hope things are getting easier for you. I’m 7 days post partum & just getting stuck into that newborn phase myself.

[AngC273]

Thanks so much for the support everyone xxx

[happytobemrsg]

I had PND with my first for a year because I didn’t get treatment - you have absolutely done the best thing seeking help. I promise you, it gets better. Even if you didn’t have crazy hormones to deal with as well as recovery from a C-S, a demanding newborn & all the monotony that goes with it is so so hard. Grab all the help that is offered to you & KEEP TALKING - don’t pretend you’re ok when you’re not & you will get the right support

[TweakMyHouse]

I promise you it gets better than this. Keep reaching out for help, be it family/friends/GP/crisis team/posting here.
Things will get better and will get easier

[HollowTalk]

You poor thing. That sounds really tough. I'm so glad you have a great partner and medical team. You will start to feel better soon - hold tight and try to get plenty of sleep.

[peachgreen]

Well done OP. Sometimes you have to hit crisis point to get the help you need. The only way is up from here, you're doing so well. I promise things will be better.

[RedCowboyBoots]

Wrong thread, so sorry! Second time today, no idea how it's happening! Never done it before.

[RedCowboyBoots]

Take each day as it comes. You're doing so well x