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Original poster

My gay friend wants to take his son to a toddler group that is run by a Church - do any church-goers here run a toddler group?

53 replies

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 10:51

He is worried that he will get a negative reaction from the leaders. I have to say, that going by my own toddler group (church run, with a very slight Christian bias) he would certainly get a few odd looks, and possibly some nasty comments behind his back if people found out that he was gay.

I know there are going to be people who say, "How will people know?" but there is no way you could meet my friend and not realise that he's gay!

OP posts:
Mermaidspam · 04/10/2009 23:15

Bless 'im. Could he meet with someone who runs the group first and gauge it from there?

weegiemum · 04/10/2009 23:56

At my (evangelical happy clappy) church a gay parent would be very welcome to the toddler group. Why not?

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 05/10/2009 00:06

It's a while since we left the toddler group circuit, but at those I used to go to, I think a gay man might have been more welcome than a straight one, just because hardly any of the mums spoke to the dads there for fear of looking like a harpie on the pull!

pofacedandproud · 05/10/2009 08:16

well on the whole the evangelicals are pretty homophobic weegiemum, glad that is not the case at your church.

Cluckyagain · 05/10/2009 08:20

At my Baptist Church toddler group he would be very welcome - no hesitation.

tatt · 05/10/2009 08:37

hard to say as they differ so much. In villages everyone is talked about behind their back so he wouldn't have to be too sensitive about it. It takes a while to be accepted and it's wise to turn up early the first time so you get to meet the organiser before they are busy chatting to their friends. No experience of inner city toddlers groups but they might be more welcoming.

However they react initially after the beginning what will matter is not if they are homosexual but how your friend behaves. Blatant display of any sexual preference might be met with frosty looks at toddler groups.

notsofarnow · 05/10/2009 09:49

I run a toddler group and we wouldn't be judgemental we may not agree with the lifestyle but we are all inclusive and would make sure that there would be made to feel welcome as would anyone else regardless of race, gender, or religion.

1Maya2 · 05/10/2009 10:10

It is a sad indicator of our society that gay and lesbian parents even have to worry that they might not be accepted at a toddler group because of their sexual orientation.

I have never had to worry about not being accepted for my sexuality, because I was born straight, which is the ""acceptable norm"" in our society. I never had to think "will I be accepted because I am straight, will my child get teased because their Mummy is straight"

I hope society is changing, I think it is slowly. And I really hope for the day when people won't even have to think about whether they will be accepted or not because it just won't be an issue.

50 Years ago unmarried mothers like me were astrocised, I hope it doesn't take 50 more years for gay and lesbian parents to enjoy the same ""approval"" from society.

Zoya · 05/10/2009 10:13

'How would people know he was gay?' well you talk about your life at toddler group don't you? 2 minutes into a conversation about what you did at the weekend, people will be referring to their dp/dh, and he will have to come out. It's not a question of talking about your 'sexual preferences' - just talking about your life.

NorbertDentressangle · 05/10/2009 10:23

I'm not at all religious but have been to toddler groups that are linked to churches (seem to be the only sort around here) -I would say that he would probably be welcomed by the organisers and other parents but there is always the chance of an individual (Christian or non-Christian) who would give him a hard time, like for example the Mum at the Surestart group you mentioned.

In any group of people, whether it be at a toddler group, school gates, workplace or pub, theres always the chance of a Daily Mail reader narrow-minded individual who will take offence to someones sexuality, race, religion or beliefs. However this shouldn't stop him and I'm pretty sure it won't stop him.

LeonieBooCreepy · 05/10/2009 10:45

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Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 05/10/2009 12:32

Zoya - a lot of the gay people I know play the pronoun game. Instead of he/she you say "they" - so even though my friend is married, he might refer to his partner, and rather than say "he" say "them", although that in itself is a bit of a giveaway IME.

I've shown him the thread, and he's going to take the plunge on Thursday morning. Lots of great advice on here, and nice encouragement. I'm hopeful that an urban playgroup might be more accepting than a rural one - village life can be very gossipy as someone else said.

OP posts:
Reallytired · 05/10/2009 14:17

There are plenty of throughly gay catholic priests. Our church of England Priest is very camp to put it mildy.

There is a Christian Lesbian and Gay movement and they might be able to suggest sympathetic church toddler groups.

pofacedandproud · 05/10/2009 14:40

Good idea reallytired. Many CofE priests are camp and heterosexual and some are definitely gay [though most celibate although I have know two in long term discreet relationships]

LeninGhoul · 05/10/2009 23:04

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LeninGhoul · 05/10/2009 23:08

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Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 06/10/2009 08:17

Lenin - do you think it's easier for gay women than men? Because a toddler group is a mainly feminine environment anyway, a bloke is going to stick out to start with!

I really hope he gets on ok, he's such a lovely bloke and a great dad - I can't imagine anyone being mean to him, it'd be like punching a kitten in the face!

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LeninGhoul · 06/10/2009 13:24

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MadHairDay · 06/10/2009 14:41

I used to run an evangelical c of e mums and tots

I would be shocked and appalled if a gay person was made to feel unwelcome at the group, and would have no hesitation in saying so.

Fed up to the back teeth of so called christians being so judgmental and petty. Aren't there more important things in the world to be getting on with?

Hope your friend finds a place he feels welcomed in soon Tafka.

permanentvacation · 06/10/2009 15:05

I run a church toddler group, and we would make anyone coming along with a toddler welcome. Unless your friend turned up with his partner it would be difficult to spot his sexuality anyway, and many toddler groups have a few dads along.

If someone came to my church run group and told me they were a gay parent I would be very happy to accommodate them. The group is there to support parents and their children. I say that as a licenced Reader in the church and member of the PCC (church council).

Cheers,

PV.

p.s. In the unlikely event that your friend lives in Somerset please get in touch and I'll let you know about our group.

Original poster
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 08/10/2009 14:57

Hi all - just to let you know, he went along this morning and had a fab time! Everyone was very welcoming and his ds had a ball!

Thanks for all your advice!

OP posts:
hester · 08/10/2009 19:16

Really pleased to hear that, Tafka. Send him our love

LeninGhoul · 09/10/2009 07:34

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MaryBS · 09/10/2009 08:15

Thats lovely, UD!

KayHarkerIsKayHarker · 09/10/2009 08:43

hurray - lovely to hear of good things like that.