My gay friend wants to take his son to a toddler group that is run by a Church - do any church-goers here run a toddler group?

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

He is worried that he will get a negative reaction from the leaders. I have to say, that going by my own toddler group (church run, with a very slight Christian bias) he would certainly get a few odd looks, and possibly some nasty comments behind his back if people found out that he was gay.

I know there are going to be people who say, "How will people know?" but there is no way you could meet my friend and not realise that he's gay!

[Fossie]

He would be very welcome at ours but sadly we are a long way away. It would be safer to stick to established church denominations such as C-of-E toddler groups to start with and then you can ask around the group for other toddler groups that might be good to go to and see if anyone mentions the one that is near your friend. He will be the 'odd one out' as there are so few dads at these things so he should expect a few looks. If he is enthusiastic about caring for his son and shows an interest in other mums children he will be off to a good start.

[Gracie123]

We run a toddler group at my church that he would be most welcome at. It is predominantly church members, but there are a number of non-christians that go, including a muslim and two hindu ladies, and two stay at home dads. No-one attacks them, tries to evangelise to them, or talks about them in a derogatory way to their faces or behind their backs.
TBH I hadn't even thought about the fact they were there until I read your question.
I guess it depends on the type of church. Maybe you could go along with him for a few weeks and help him check out?
We all know toddler groups can be nasty places, and sadly being at a church might not making any better than the local NCT...

[allaboutme]

i go to 3 toddler groups and although i am not reliious, the church one i go to seems the most welcomng to all and most friendly out of the lot

[KayHarkerIsKayHarker]

hurray - lovely to hear of good things like that.

[MaryBS]

Thats lovely, UD!

[hester]

Really pleased to hear that, Tafka. Send him our love

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

Hi all - just to let you know, he went along this morning and had a fab time! Everyone was very welcoming and his ds had a ball!

Thanks for all your advice!

[permanentvacation]

I run a church toddler group, and we would make anyone coming along with a toddler welcome. Unless your friend turned up with his partner it would be difficult to spot his sexuality anyway, and many toddler groups have a few dads along.

If someone came to my church run group and told me they were a gay parent I would be very happy to accommodate them. The group is there to support parents and their children. I say that as a licenced Reader in the church and member of the PCC (church council).

Cheers,

PV.

p.s. In the unlikely event that your friend lives in Somerset please get in touch and I'll let you know about our group.

[MadHairDay]

I used to run an evangelical c of e mums and tots

I would be shocked and appalled if a gay person was made to feel unwelcome at the group, and would have no hesitation in saying so.

Fed up to the back teeth of so called christians being so judgmental and petty. Aren't there more important things in the world to be getting on with?

Hope your friend finds a place he feels welcomed in soon Tafka.

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

Lenin - do you think it's easier for gay women than men? Because a toddler group is a mainly feminine environment anyway, a bloke is going to stick out to start with!

I really hope he gets on ok, he's such a lovely bloke and a great dad - I can't imagine anyone being mean to him, it'd be like punching a kitten in the face!

[pofacedandproud]

Good idea reallytired. Many CofE priests are camp and heterosexual and some are definitely gay [though most celibate although I have know two in long term discreet relationships]

[Reallytired]

There are plenty of throughly gay catholic priests. Our church of England Priest is very camp to put it mildy.

There is a Christian Lesbian and Gay movement and they might be able to suggest sympathetic church toddler groups.

[TAFKAtheUrbanDryad]

Zoya - a lot of the gay people I know play the pronoun game. Instead of he/she you say "they" - so even though my friend is married, he might refer to his partner, and rather than say "he" say "them", although that in itself is a bit of a giveaway IME.

I've shown him the thread, and he's going to take the plunge on Thursday morning. Lots of great advice on here, and nice encouragement. I'm hopeful that an urban playgroup might be more accepting than a rural one - village life can be very gossipy as someone else said.

[NorbertDentressangle]

I'm not at all religious but have been to toddler groups that are linked to churches (seem to be the only sort around here) -I would say that he would probably be welcomed by the organisers and other parents but there is always the chance of an individual (Christian or non-Christian) who would give him a hard time, like for example the Mum at the Surestart group you mentioned.

In any group of people, whether it be at a toddler group, school gates, workplace or pub, theres always the chance of a Daily Mail reader narrow-minded individual who will take offence to someones sexuality, race, religion or beliefs. However this shouldn't stop him and I'm pretty sure it won't stop him.

[Zoya]

'How would people know he was gay?' well you talk about your life at toddler group don't you? 2 minutes into a conversation about what you did at the weekend, people will be referring to their dp/dh, and he will have to come out. It's not a question of talking about your 'sexual preferences' - just talking about your life.

[1Maya2]

It is a sad indicator of our society that gay and lesbian parents even have to worry that they might not be accepted at a toddler group because of their sexual orientation.

I have never had to worry about not being accepted for my sexuality, because I was born straight, which is the ""acceptable norm"" in our society. I never had to think "will I be accepted because I am straight, will my child get teased because their Mummy is straight"

I hope society is changing, I think it is slowly. And I really hope for the day when people won't even have to think about whether they will be accepted or not because it just won't be an issue.

50 Years ago unmarried mothers like me were astrocised, I hope it doesn't take 50 more years for gay and lesbian parents to enjoy the same ""approval"" from society.

[notsofarnow]

I run a toddler group and we wouldn't be judgemental we may not agree with the lifestyle but we are all inclusive and would make sure that there would be made to feel welcome as would anyone else regardless of race, gender, or religion.

[tatt]

hard to say as they differ so much. In villages everyone is talked about behind their back so he wouldn't have to be too sensitive about it. It takes a while to be accepted and it's wise to turn up early the first time so you get to meet the organiser before they are busy chatting to their friends. No experience of inner city toddlers groups but they might be more welcoming.

However they react initially after the beginning what will matter is not if they are homosexual but how your friend behaves. Blatant display of any sexual preference might be met with frosty looks at toddler groups.

[Cluckyagain]

At my Baptist Church toddler group he would be very welcome - no hesitation.

[pofacedandproud]

well on the whole the evangelicals are pretty homophobic weegiemum, glad that is not the case at your church.