After nearly nine years I have finally...

[Lonelymum]

...begun to make arrangements to have my 4 children baptised. It happened entirely by accident today. I wandered into church looking for a (as it turned out non-existant) coffee morning, met the priest and found myself talking about getting the children baptised. Didn't plan it at all but it has been hanging over me for nine years so it feels rather pleasing to be doing something about it at last! Has anyone else baptised their children late (ie later than normal in your church - I am RC and it is normal to baptise them as soon after birth as possible). The reason I ask is because ds1 is nearly nine and I wonder if I ought to let him make the decision for himself or should I jsut tell him it is going to be done? That feels a bit wierd to me but it was what the priest suggested (well, he would, wouldn't he? Would he?)

[Lonelymum]

Me too. I felt really angry with him, but in the sort of way a mother would with her wayward, but loved son. It did occur to me I wanted to make contact with him and give him a big shake and shout a bit and then say something kind and understanding. After all he did for me, it would be terrible to turn my back on him entirely. But, as I said, I haven't known him for nearly decades and I just did nothing in the end (except brood about how appearances can be deceptive).

[Tommy]

He certainly spent time inside but I don't know if/when he came out. The last time I had seen him was probably a couple of years before it all happened - I'm still very involved in the local church (Southampton)and know lots of people that know him. I often wonder what would happen or how I would feel if I saw him again. Most people I know who knew him were completely shocked (obviously) and only one person - a mutual friend from years ago - asked me to find out if he could visit him in prison. I put him in touch with the Bishop - he obviously knows what happening. I just found it all terribly terribly sad

[Lonelymum]

Wow really? He was quite a key figure in my life when I was about 17-21. I couldn't believe it when I heard the news. He was (is?) such a nice bloke, so talented in his vocation I thought, and then he did such a pratty thing as that. If he had been around when I had my children, I would have been perfectly happy for them to have been with him, and I know he didn't actually do anything to children, but there is no way I would want him near my children now. Sorry I am rambling on. It just really upsets me whenever I think of it (and I do think of it surprisingly often given I haven't had anything to do with him for nigh on 20 years.)

So, were you in Winchester too? Do you know what happened to him? (I still feel care and concern for him, despite it all).

[Tommy]

Yep - know who you mean. I found out when I was just about to have DS1 - it shook me up so much I didn't sleep thinking about it. He was a very big influence on my life when I was a teenager and in my early 20s - sometimes still can't quite believe it

[Lonelymum]

Meant to say, I knew him in Winchester, but he was in Reading when I heard about his activities.

[Lonelymum]

Oh goodness Tommy. That was where I knew my priest - in Winchester (which is part of Portsmouth diocese.) ooh I feel quite shakey thinking about it. It really upset me at the time. Dare we mention names or would that be indiscreet?

[Tommy]

I did wonder that LonelyMum - have you always been in Bristol? I live in Portsmouth Diocese

[Lonelymum]

Yes but it is only priests who neceassarily have their sexuality repressed..... Ok nuff said. I don't want to go down that route.... Interesting that you know of 2 disgraced priests too Tommy. I wonder if we know the same man?

[ionesmum]

And it's not just priests, is it, it's teachers. police officers, doctors... Sometimes we just have to trust others.

I hope that this works out for you and your family. As I first said, this is a very beautiful thing that you are doing for them God bless you all

[Tommy]

LonelyMum - the Church is much better at dealing with this sort of thing these days. It's unlikelt that a priest would ever be in a situation where he would be alone with children anywhere - there are lots of rules about it and each parish has a child protection officer. Everyone who works with children and vulnerable people have to be police checked. Please try not to worry about it anymore than you would otherwise!
I too knew two "wonderful" priests who were caught for the same thing - it devastated me but I don't let it cloud my judgement of other priests.
Good luck

[Lonelymum]

Am hoping this church will be good for the children: the priest was friendly and had a sense of humour, and I would like them to be part of the local community as well as teaching them about Jesus. Is it just me, but I was reading the article in the Sunday Times magazine last week about paedophile priests and I am now feeling paranoid about the church and my children. It doesn't help that a wonderful priest i used to know was convicted of downloading child porn off the internet

[ionesmum]

Lonelymum, of course you haven't upset me! My nan (who was like a second mum to me) was an RC so I understand entirely where you are coming from. Being an Anglican is important to me, too, I couldn't be an RC (because of women priests) nor a Baptist (because of no infant baptism). However, I am happy to attend a Baptist church because they are explaining Christian basics in a way that dd1 can understand. It's with no intention of converting and they know that.

Agree, try to find a church that hassomething for your children to enjoy and take it from there. Good luck!

[Tommy]

Lonelymum, IME (I am practising RC and also an RE teacher in Catholic schools etc!)I would suggest you find a really nice church with a great priest so that they actually like going and take it from there! I do appreciate that this may be easier said than done but there are some really noce churches in Bristol - my brother and his family go to Clifton Cathedral (may be a bit far away for you. Once you've started going your DS may want to be a bit more involved and go the whole hog IYSWIM!
Good luck

[Lonelymum]

Oh Ionesmum, I don't want to upset anyone so I am not sure if I should answer you but yes it is important to me that it is the Rc church. I converted myself aged 19, having been with the RC church since 17, and you know what they say, the converts are the worst (when it comes to adherence to the church). Actually, I have made a very poor RC but only because I am a doubting believer in God now. When I believe, and even when I don't, I am a Catholic through and through if you can understand that.

Having said that, my children were going to a C of E school and I have been very happy with their involvement with the village church, apart from the odd evangelical thing, but even then I only minded for me, not them. I don't want to come across as an intransigent RC but I suppose that is what I believe and, until the children can make informed decisions themselves, that is all I can give them.

Aimsmum, I have missed your posts about childcare but I hope you can sort something out. Doesn't your uni/college have a creche? Could you suggest it? There may be others who would make use of it.

Children seem to be settling into school OK. Haven't started any social things yet although I have arranged dancing for dd and cubs and beavers for ds1 and ds2. Ds2 got sent home today feeling sick - there is a bug going round school - so you know how I am feeling now! A few days of misery are about to begin.

[ionesmum]

Hi, LM.

In the CofE we rarely confirm teenagers these days, at least where I worship. I was 26 and most people are in their twenties and thirties.

Personally I think it's really important for a nine year old to agree to what is going on, even if they don't understand it.

Is it really important to you that you go to a Catholic church? I'm very involved with the Anglican church but take the dds to a family service at our local Baptist church regularly, because they get a lot more out of it in terms of participating in the service (rather than getting them through to Communion, as you say.) I have no intention of joining the Baptist church and have had my dds baptised at the Anglican church, but atm I feel they are learning more about God away from my own church - something that needs to be changed, obviously!

[Aimsmum]

Message withdrawn

[marialuisa]

BTW, 11 would be on the young side for confirmation claases even in the RC church now. Schools here offer confirmation classes for anyone in Y8 upwards (after first communion in Y3).

Good luck with the Church thing, we move tomorrow and DD is desperate to go to church more regularly, luckily there's a RC church in the village so no more excuses!

[marialuisa]

BTW, 11 would be on the young side for confirmation claases even in the RC church now. Schools here offer confirmation classes for anyone in Y8 upwards (after first communion in Y3).

Good luck with the Church thing, we move tomorrow and DD is desperate to go to church more regularly, luckily there's a RC church in the village so no more excuses!

[marialuisa]

BTW, 11 would be on the young side for confirmation claases even in the RC church now. Schools here offer confirmation classes for anyone in Y8 upwards (after first communion in Y3).

Good luck with the Church thing, we move tomorrow and DD is desperate to go to church more regularly, luckily there's a RC church in the village so no more excuses!

[Lonelymum]

Yes there is a "children's liturgy" aka creche(!) at this church too but that means they all come back in time for the eucharist which is when you want them least IMO!

Yeah maybe I am being too sensitive about it. My kids undergo other things without being asked if they want to do it, so maybe this is just another one of those things. I am not going to force them to be good RCs afterwards. They can do what their conscience dictates after that.

We have only had one viewer for our house but they are coming back for another viewing next week and I met someone at the w/e who knows them (amazingly wierd coincidence!!) and she said they were definitely planning on buying it! So fingers crossed.

Have you started your next essay yet? Don't tell me it doesn't have to be done by April - that is only a few days away!

[Aimsmum]

Message withdrawn

[Lonelymum]

I have already checked out the godparent issue: the priest said you only needed one godparent but could have as many as you liked as long as one is Catholic.

[Aimsmum]

Message withdrawn

[Lonelymum]

Yes I intend to although there are 2 difficulties:

1. we keep using the weekends to go down to West Sussex to do things at the old house
   
2. dh looks like he will be chickening out of his RC parental responsibilities. Previously, if I have gone to Mass, I am prepared to take one child with me (though none have accompanied me in years) but not all four!
   
   The more I write about this, the more I feel this must look really odd to non Christians, like I am foisting something on my children they don't want. I suppose I am. The only difference between me and loads of other parents is that I am doing this rather late instead of with a newborn baby. I am a bit slow getting anything arranged!

[zubb]

LM - regarding godparents, my kids have been christened catholic and as long as one of the godparents is catholic the other(s) don't have to be - different to Aimsmum so you would have to check.