hi babysaurus. I have been a mystic since birth basically, but over the years have gone all over the map - in religion, out of religion, reading, exploring different writings and thoughts from all around the world and through time. I am just very interested in god though and my exploration is about trying to understand what its all about, and where I am coming from and going to & how to relate to it all.
I was raised by an atheist so that was interesting. He did send us to religious education on my mother's insistence, but she did not have an active role raising us due to mental illness.
My earliest memory is what is often reported by people who have a near death experience, of being in a realm where I am contemplating a great Light and it is contemplating me. The experience was one of overwhelmingly powerful love and joy, even fierce in its intensity. I used to think of/contemplate/remember this all the time as a small child before I was introduced to religion at all. The experience was so powerful that remembering it was like re-experiencing that huge love. So that is why I say I was a 'mystic' from the start.
Of God I have no doubt and I'm not worried about belief or lack of belief either. The sun still shines whether one believes it or not. I would have liked to have something persuasive for my atheist dad, but I could really only say 'I had this experience. I don't know why. I don't know why you didn't.' Though I actually think everyone has it but they forget as babies in this odd transitory material world of forms.
I don't really have any answers. I like to read near death experiences though, naturally, and feel that I should start at least speaking up and coming out about it.
My thought on ideas of judgment across religions is based on that awesome experience of love. I have been very concerned all my life that I would not let God down next time I stand before him - so that is self-judgment. I do not recall experiencing any judgment toward me in that experience - it was total love at a level way beyond human.
After living since 16 with no formal religious practice, I recently returned to RC. Nobody is more shocked by this than me, and that I am enjoying it. The return actually came about by way of studying Yoga and hindu philosophy. I was reading about approaches to god and that the 'bhakti' approach is as a devotee cultivating a love relationship with god - and suddenly it hit me that christianity at its best is a stunning organized bhakti practice of cultivating love with god. And then, at its best, christianity is extraordinarily charitable in its works with people and that is a further extension of bhakti. And suddenly I started to see the point of being in an organized religion, where I could do more practice of cultivating love than I ever successfully cultivated on my own. This insight also really refocused me on Christ, who I never really understood well as his story and teachings are fairly remote from my one single otherwordly experience, which left at least as many questions as it answered.
When I left RC as a teen, I was full of objections, but now I am content to just make the most of it and of course I will still be doing lots of reading in yoga and in hindu schools of philosophy because I love that too and think the thought of both religions has a lot of overlap.
So in sum I would say that the universe is the Territory and religions are maps. Maps are useful but may contain errors. And overall I would say I see the stor of an individual and god as a relationship that is a love story, with twists and turns but ultimately a happy ending.