This is a bit rude isn't it?

[The2Ateam]

Currently at the birthday party of my 8yr old DDs school friend. I work full time so, only know a few of the mums, I haven't met this one before.

Anyway, she said hello when we arrived and then has sat with her back to me the whole time. Not spoken once... Rude much?

I'd've given her the benefit of the doubt.

That's the kind thing to do, instead of assuming the worst.

Did she know you were staying before you arrived or was it a surprise for her? That would make a big difference.

Listen, I have no problem with the woman, and if she decided to stay at my DD's party, I would be my usual friendly self. If she ever asked me for advice about parties, I would say: "At the very least give some eye contact and the odd smile to the mum sitting in the corner."

Maybe OP she hoped that you would get the hint and go. Just because you think or are so thick skinned that you have convinced yourself that you are friendly, doesn't mean everybody else does. If you come across in person how you do on this thread, I would have insisted that you leave and reading other people's replies I am confident that I am not the only one.

With every post we get to see more of your amazing social skills OP.

Thanks for that.

Oh you're welcome Surburban- have a great day today xxxxx

Craziest the OP got the bus to the venue, which is on a farm (so presumably isolated). I'm assuming that the other parents all drive hence not having to stay.

Would you really kick her out of the party to wander the country lanes in those circumstances?

Because I would have either welcomed her in a provided a coffee and chat

Or

Offered to drive her child home after the party.

And yes it probably wasn't kind of ATeam to be posting about the party mum but party mum was unquestionably rude in the circumstances.

So the problem is that she didn't randomly look at you and smile?
You think its rude not to do that?

Maybe she was looking over and smiling while you were rudely tapping away at your phone about how rude she was. Unless you spent the entire party staring at her sounds likely enough you can't know,

Oh come on Tigger party mum was rude for not sucking up her annoyance about the surprise extra adult and being a good host.

You wouldn't behave that way yourself - you know you wouldn't.

She wasn't hosting the OP!

I would have greeted her politely, and then carried on talking to my own companion. If the lone person wanted to join us she would have been made welcome. But OP's problem is that a woman she didn't want to talk to also didn't want to talk to her!

She wasn't hosting the OP!

I would have greeted her politely, and then carried on talking to my own companion. If the lone person wanted to join us she would have been made welcome. But OP's problem is that a woman she didn't want to talk to also didn't want to talk to her!

Herewego I would have welcomed an uninvited and unwanted guest in much the same manner than the OP was, although I would have made the effort to include her in the conversation I was having with other people. However, if she then proceeded to be as rude as she has been on this thread or I had known that she was insulting my hospitality by mocking me on an Internet forum for the world to read, then yes I absolutely would ask her to leave in those circumstances. The OP could have caught a bus to somewhere else in the meantime or gone for a walk. Alternatively she could have checked in advance if she was welcome to sit at the party or declined the invite for her daughter. I wouldn't be at all surprised to read a thread from the OP in the future about why her DD is the only one in a class who has been excluded from a party, and it wouldn't be because of the child.

I agree with others, she probably wasn't expecting parents to stay. If it were me I would have just gone for a walk rather than getting under their feet and expecting to be entertained. If I had stayed I would have spoken to the host mum and offered to make myself useful rather than sitting in a corner.

Craziest and Tigger interesting. I'm quite surprised at your responses. It's always interesting to see how differently people do things.

In my family, and in my DH's (different cultural background) however annoyed you were about the unexpected guest privately, the polite thing to do would be to treat them as a guest, which means chatting with them, offering them a drink and perhaps asking them to get involved with the party in some way (cutting cake, serving drinks, making up party bags etc)

To sit with your back to the only other adult in the room at a social event where you are the host is fairly dreadful in my book. And I've never witnessed that happening.

But she wasn't an unexpected guest herewego. She wasn't a guest of any sort.

The children were the guests, OP was more of a gatecrasher. And the staff were doing the party thing, so she's hardly going to get involved with all that.

But are you missing the part where OP said she had no interest in talking to the host, but is upset the host didn't talk to her?

And the part where the OP clearly spent the entire time on her phone on Mumsnet?

Sorry, I disagree she was a guest, if uninvited and should be treated as such.

She was on her phone because the host didn't talk to her.

I'm still pretty agog that anyone would think it was reasonable to send her out to wander about the countryside instead of just politely making her welcome.

The definition of a guest is someone who is invited to attend a social event or occasion. It is not someone who just happens to be in the same place as people who have been invited and who therefore are guests.

Nobody is talking about sending her out into the countryside, ffs.

It was suggested to prevent the OP from feeling aggrieved that the host didn't speak to her (despite the fact she said she didn't want to speak to the host).

Suburban the party was on a farm in the middle of nowhere. She got a bus there. Where else is she to go?

Previous posters said that they'd have happily sent her off for a walk.

You seem a bit tetchy about this Suburban.

It's really not that big a deal.

Well it was a big enough deal for the OP, clearly, otherwise what was the point of posting?

Just because I disagree with you that someone posted they would "send her for a walk" there's no need to resort to name calling. It makes you look as if you don't believe in your own opinions, not to mention being rather childish.

Name calling? What? I wasn't name calling?

"Tetchy" just means grumpy. I meant that your posts seemed to me to be rather more aggressive than a simple thread about an etiquette point involving strangers might warrant.

I'm not sure how you interpret that as being "name calling"?

There was nothing "childish" about my post either. I was perfectly polite.

I have been engaging in debate about this because I find it fascinating how differently people can view "proper" behaviour in these situations.

Read back. Every single one of my posts has been perfectly measured and polite.

I'm quite happy for people to disagree with me. I do object to being falsely accused of being nasty though.

I think it's name calling. You can choose to disagree. And it completely undermines your claim that you joined the thread because you find human behaviour fascinating

And no one used the word nasty - just you.

I think it was rude. I'm always open to any parents who want to stay, to stay at my children's parties, and would make a point of involving them in conversations with my family and introducing them. And I don't have great social skills and would have to make the effort, not finding conversation with people I don't know well easy, but I would consider it rude not to. People on here will argue about anything.