1st birthday - we have no mates!

[MayContainNuts]

Ok, DS will turn one next week... and we haven't got anything organised to celebrate his first birthday.
We've recently moved houses. We have no family, or friends with children, living in the area.
We have no money to spend on hiring a venue -I'm not working at the moment so totally reliant on DH's wage.
Plus we wouldn't have anyone to invite! The few people we know live out of town, and the children in that group amount to a grand total of 4.
On top of that I'm pnd, so I've lost touch with many people because I can't face socialising. I know, I know, socialising does me good, but I just can't take the stress of seeing anyone, nevermind inviting them round to my house with their brood.
DH is also a johnny nomates so he doesn't have any friends with children either.
I feel totally depressed for failing to make this day special for my baby. He's lovely and outgoing and it pains me to think he might be suffering from our -especially, though not exclusively, my- lack of social interaction.
I thought maybe I could invite the people we know for a meal at a child friendly restaurant but that sounds stingy and more of an adults affair. I think he deserves much better though I don't know what to do, and no ideas are forthcoming from DH.
Sorry for going on. Any suggestions?

[lou4791]

HI,
Our little one is 7 months. I have chosen to not have a baby naming ceremony BECAUSE of all the people I would feel I needed to invite in order not to cause offence. I really can't be doing with the hassle of dealing with everyone being tactless together. Of course we can't avoid the 1st birthday, but i'd love a private family tea instead reminising over memories of pregnancy, birth and the first year. Funny how we both want the opposite to what we have.x

[whensmydayoff]

Haven't got energy to read the other posters so sorry if it's a repeat!

I have lived in the same area all of my life so know loads of folk with kids same age or there abouts. I wouldn't have dreamed of having a party as it would have been us run ragged, him overwhelmed and not really letting us or him enjoy a special day together. Too much for a young baby/child.

For DS's first birthday my DH took day off work, we took him to a family farm/park thing, animals, ride on train/tractors etc and he loved it (until he fell asleep)!.

We then went to pizza Express for tea and it was fab. Just the three of us and it was so special.

2nd birthday we went to the same park then had grandparents around for tea. Again, he enjoyed having time with mummy and daddy more than anything else. (at the meal we announced I was PG with #2). Not relevant to this but had to get it in .

His 3rd birthday is next Friday and because of his 5 month old sister and her looooong feeds, it's easier to just have a few of his little friends round but I bet it won't be as good for any of us.
We will run around catering for everyone while he runs around fighting for his toys back!!

If I had the choice id rather it was just about him again.

Go out the three of you and have a lovely family day. No doubt by nursery age you will be catering for 15 kids on a sugar rush and wishing he was 1 again!

[Mumof2x]

I think it dosnt matter as long as you and are DH are with your DS.....

I really wouldnt go over the top on prezzys ither, when it was my DD and DS 1st bdays we spent a fortune and guess what... they really wasnt botherd at all lol.

Why dont you take DS out somewhere special for the day or even just do a little tea party at home for just the 3 of you?

I think it makes it alot more special when things are celebrated just as a little family!

The party stage will come when DS is in school and has made his own little mates!

xxxxxxx

[AdasMum]

Like thirdname, ate cake myself (DH was allowed one slice ) and got my DD a couple of presenst she could attempt to unwrap herself.
Am planning a BBQ with a few friends with children for her 2nd (we have no family here, so it will be quite small as well).
I really think it makes no difference to your baby if you have a b'day party at that age.

[lovechoc]

we haven't given DS a 'proper' birthday party yet and he just turned 3yo last month...we have enjoyed quiet family days together - just the three of us! First time was at the aquarium, second birthday was at a safari park and the third was at a science centre and each one has been really special.

Also means no party organising for me! We just chilled out and had a good time, took photos and blew out the candles on the cake when we got home.

Next year we hope to organise a birthday party for DS when he's at the nursery and will have made a group of friends to invite. Before that they don't really get what a 'party' is.

[PurpleCrazyHorse]

Congratulations on the new friend, she sounds lovely.

We're taking DD to Folly Farm for her first birthday (just DD, DH and I). Not sure what she'll think but she loves our cat so hoping the small animals might make her day. We'll have a cake + candle and home for a photo and that's about it. We do have friends with kids but DD just won't get a party so not sure I want to bother with the stress. TBH, I'm not really into getting her a gift either, the grandparents will go crazy so will probably buy her stuff she needs later in the year.

Loving the idea of wine and nice food for us too!

[Firawla]

He's only one so he wont really know the difference. A day out or small family birthday tea @ home sounds better than a big party anyway, as others have mentioned sometimes @ that age they don't really like it if you pack out the house with loads of people and other kids anyway.

[silverdogflower]

Agree with all posters on here. I have got 3 DCs and have never done a 1st or 2nd birthday party! Stay at home and relax, give small presents and do nice cake (i.e one that you and DH like!) with a candle. Take photos. Most importantly - you and DH celebrate surviving a year of parenthood! On all of my DCs birthdays I insist on nice bottle of wine/nice food once DCs in bed. We reminisce about day they were born (all births quite stressful!) and boost each other up that we have survived so far! (We are both quite prone to feeling that we are getting this parenting lark all wrong!)

[thirdname]

sorry but this is a child's first birthday we are talking about?? We didn't invite anyone. Bought a boc of duplo and a birthday cake which I ate myself, that's it. (

[mumblechum]

I wouldn't dream of having a party for a one year old! Ds was eithr 3 or 4 for his first party, any younger and they don't get the point imo.

[inthesticks]

4 is the earliest I would consider a party.
When mine were 1 we had a cake with one candle on and invited the grandparents for tea.
(The occaision is more special for you than the baby I think.). Take lots of photos and show him when he's older.

[thumbwitch]

oh so pleased you have new friends for you both - and Butterfly or Deep Sea World sound great for your DS. We took DS to Chessington when he was just 1; it was winter so only the zoo part was open (and the SeaLife centre) and he loved it.

[stealthsquiggle]

Yay for the new friends (for you and for DS) - well done you!

[mollymax]

Please just enjoy the day as a family, take lots of photos and relax! good to hear you have made a new friend..... It is very daunting talking to new people, but remember most people are in the same position as you. Have a lovely day

[somewhereinlondon]

I agree with the responses here, don't get upset. Moving to a new area is hard, you'll get settled soon enough and will make new friends for yourself and your child will too.

If money is tight, can you just go out for 'birthday' dessert and coffee, bubs will can sit in a high chair feeling all grown up, you and DH can have a lovely time out.

A day out is another great idea, not sure where you live but a zoo or petting farm would be lot's of fun. Check train 2-4-1 offers.

My first ds1 had a big party. DS2 just the family, cake and balloons and much more fun

[MayContainNuts]

Hi, thanks for the "don't worry" thoughts everyone.
I've spoken with a couple of people who advised against a party, so we've decided we'll take him to the Butterfly World or Deep Sea World -we'll see on the day. He'll enjoy that I think.
If I get industrious I'll bake a cake, if not we'll go past m&s
Funnily enough, I took DS to the park yesterday and there was this nice lady who I've seen there a couple of times. She has a lovely little girl who, it turns out, is just two days younger that DS. She wasn't planning on a big party either, only a small celebration, to which we got invited there and then! so potentially, DS has now a wee friend.

[shell96]

We had DS's 1st birthday recently - just had family round in the evening for a BBQ. The only other child there was my nephew (6 months older than DS) and even though it was all people DS knew and we were in our own home he was still a bit overwhelmed by the number of people around. He was very clingy for the first hald hour or so but once he settled down he thoroughly enjoyed being the centre of attention!

He has no other little friends as I am a bit anti social and never went to toddlers/playgroup or anything and now I am back at work he is at MIL's all day so doesnt see anyone else there either but it does mean that when he sees other kids (swimming class is about the only place or at the park) he is totally fascinated by them.

Just do something nice that you will remember as a special day

[mrsflux]

I have a reasonable number of friends with and without babies. Ds is the youngest of our group so in the weeks running up to his birthday we went to a few parties. ALL the birthday boys/girls were v unhappy as they were freaked out by the whole thing- lots of people, some strangers, other babies touching their stuff etc!
We kept it low key. We had a day out with closest friends and their boys at zoo. Family came on day - but only immediate, we went to pizza express and ds loved it- eating grown up food, smiling at waitress wandering round table etc.
Do something you know you all will enjoy.

[Ineedsomesleep]

If you are on a tight budget I'd ditch the idea of a meal out, it sounds too expensive.

Why not take him out?

Me and my sister took DS to Blue Planet for his 0st birthday and then just had a few sandwiches and cakes for tea. He had a lovely day.

Don't be hard on yourself, I can't even remember what we did for DD's 1st

[grumpykat25]

p.s. I totally understand the not wanting to socialise thing- my dd was an ivf baby, and I lost the will to see people as the treatment got under way. I'm only just starting to feel comfortable "in public" again, so although socialising does you good, do it at your own pace and with small groups of understanding people. Sending you lots of happy thoughts, now go and make a jelly! x

[grumpykat25]

I can't remember my first birthday- can you? Don't worry about it, have a lovely jelly and ice cream party for three on the day and go for a meal at the child friendly restaurant you were thinking of the following weekend. Loads of my friends have babies turning 1/2 at the moment, and they don't have big kiddie parties yet- no point, a lot of hassle and expense that they won't even remember! Dd is only 10 weeks at the moment, but I can't see me having a big party either.
Well done for making it through the first year, and happy birthday to your ds!

[CaptainNancy]

Don't feel bad- he won't remember!
We took dd to a children's farm for her first- she absolutely lov ed it. For ds... um I'm ashamed to say I can't remember... and it was only 3 mo ago

Hope you all have a lovely day, and congratulations on your ds turning 1.

[thumbwitch]

Know the feeling too - just have a teaparty yourselves. For DS's 2nd birthday we had no one else either, because we'd just moved to Australia - the only extra family was Grandma. We ended up going to the zoo for the day which DS loved.

[RebeccaRabbit]

Blow up some balloons, make/buy a birthday cake and have a party for just the 3 of you. Put some kids' music on the CD player and play musical bumps and pass the parcel - DS can win everytime. You'll have a ball