My Baby has not bonded with me...

[NoBrie]

I have doubts about whether DD2, 2 years, has bonded with me and don´t know what to do, if anything (?)

She was a little strange as a baby, wriggling away from me as soon as she was able, around 5 months. She´s a very independant child and I don´t know how much this has to do with it. She never gives me a kiss, though will kiss DD1, whom she mostly adores. She actively prefers nursery to staying home with me and cries hard when she doesn´t go in the morning.

I bonded with her as soon as she was born but have always felt pushed away. At the moment she will often scream "not mammy not mammy" if I ask her to come to me, prefering her father.

So is this within the bounds of normal? Has anyone else had this experience?

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

speak to your dh, you need him! if you feel you need to visit your gp then i would suggest (if you have 1 at your practice) see an obs/gyne specialist gp. i did and all i had to say was 'im not very happy' and there it was loads of help
all the best x

[NoBrie]

Thank you , both of you!

Yes, you may be right, I´m not sure where the line is between being miserable in a situation and being depressed, but maybe DD2 has picked up on this : ( And doesn´t want to be around too much : (

We did have huge problems with feeding as well and I worried at the time that it might be more in the interests of our relationship to just give the bottle. I did in the end.

Thanks again.

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

i second that bambino, sorry yes that is what i was saying,

mils are so rubbish sometimes mine refered to herself as mummy sometimes and that only fuelled the fire. i just thought my ds had his mummy and daddy and there was no room or need for me

[BambinolovesBeccie]

"So do you mean there was nothing wrong with your relationship with your child just that you weren´t seeing straight because you were depressed? I´m not sure if I understand you!"

NoBrie, this is exactly what happened to me. I can only echo what pinchme has said. I had an EM-CS, couldn't breast feed - couple that with a few very unhelpful comments from my MiL and I was a right mess - but it took me almost a year to realise it.

DS (12 months on sunday) didn't like me holding him, wouldn't fall asleep on me (but did on his Dad) and tried to get away from me when I cuddled him. Or so I thought. It was only when I addressed that I might have PND that it all made sense. I didn't think I was good enough and was totally paranoid so subconciously used to try and hold DS all the time and when he didn't want to be held (as anyone wouldn't all the time), he pulled away and I took it personally.

I second talking to your DH, you need his support very much at the moment. Hope it starts to work out for you. I know excatly how you feel. All the best.

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

yeah spot on it was all in my head.i put everything down to when he was born. had to have emergency c section and other complications. tried to breast feed and did everything right but he just wouldnt do it. how was your dd2 birth and feeding? it can really affect bonding. i really hope this isnt the case for you, but whatever is going on you need your dh on board

[NoBrie]

So do you mean there was nothing wrong with your relationship with your child just that you weren´t seeing straight because you were depressed? I´m not sure if I understand you!

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

going out on a limb here but only as it was my experience.....
when my ds was born i felt very much the same and for quite some time, i was suffering with post natal depression. no 1 could see a problem with my ds and just put it all down to the fact i was tired.
i know you've said she was fine at birth but do you think it couldve been underlying?
think i would be inclined to speak to your dh and let him know that you are NOT happy and that this is a REAL problem for you. he really must listen.

[NoBrie]

Thanks for answering. Yes, we do spend a lot of our time together, though often also with DD1. But DD2 is definitely much happier when DD2 is around to play with.

DH doesn´t see any problem, he is just delighted the baby so obviously prefers him to me : (

[pinchmeimustbedreaming]

sorry to hear this. do you get much time just you and dd2? how does you're dh see the situation? does he feel the same?