How do you deal with extreme disappointment in a 12yo?

[Katymac]

We are not talking about massive stroppiness - but real unhappiness

She has been working all year for the national finals of her dancing competition

Dancing is very special to her because it is what she does with her dad (who is chronically ill) - she has qualified for the finals & is expecting to dance in the unqualified comps as well

She has had a horrid autumn with lots of bugs & now has a chest infection - she is on antibiotics & now steroids

There is a very real possibility that she will not be able to compete

I don't know how to deal with her disappointment - this is not pre-teen 'angst' this is real

[Katymac]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childrens_health/870806-Shingles-in-a-child-who-can-tell-me-what & here]]

[Katymac]

She is really really poorly see here

I feel so bad about it

[seeker]

Just came to find out how she got on - well done her! How is she now?

[Katymac]

I really am

They spent a lot of today resting in the hotel - thank goodness they listen to me occasionally

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

good girl, you must be really proud of her.

[Katymac]

Poor baby is exhausted - she has one dose left of the steroids - I hope she rests tomorrow before coming home on the coach on Monday

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

She has done very well, especially all things considering

[Katymac]

Thanks for asking:

She got a quarter final for ballroom she was 6th last time

She got a call back for couples and she got the second round in Cha-cha which isn't as good as last

We are still waiting for the couples latin

I'm exhausted & I'm not even there

When you consider she was in bed most of the week (until Thursday) she has done pretty well

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

How did it go for her?

[Katymac]

Thanks - I am a bit wobbly about it tbh

[mumblechum]

Fingers crossed for her Katy.

OYBK, I'm going to try to remember what you told your dd next time ds gets upset about something. It's so true.

[Katymac]

They have gone - but DD understands she might not feel well enough to dance

She has been given oral steroids so I think she is feeling much better - we must watch to ensure she doesn't do too much

[Katymac]

That sounds a very good way forward

Thanks everyone

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

seeker, that is an important point, to let them know that actually it is alright to feel really really bad about it.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

It is very hard to help them go through it isn't it.

To a lesser extent we are with dd. She has broken a bone in her foot this week and is potentially looking at 2 months of no horse riding. she lives for her riding, has a comp coming up just before christmas. With that and the general fun stuff she is missing at this time if year its tough on her.

We had a cuddly chat today where we talked about how if children grow up without any difficulties in life then they often grow up to be weak adults who don't know how to face challenges. We also talked about how it gives her just a teeny look into other peoples lives who can't do the things that she does.

It seemed to settle her well and now we are just going to have to make the best of it, thats another important life lesson - making the best of disappointments.

I am very sad for her though.

[seeker]

Dd said tonight that she felt as if her heart was bruised.

[Katymac]

Oh it is a good idea & if she can't dance on Saturday I might just do it

But it is so hard - she sees it as the end of the world

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

can't hurt, though. it's such a hard thing, dealing with crushing blows at that age. don't really know what you can do otherwise.

[Katymac]

I know what you are saying Aitch - but (fortunately) the cult of celebrity hhas passed DD by

She spends the programme critiquing their footwork and commenting on the clothes

It might be a distractor tho'

[AitchTwoToTangOh]

(write to the prods of strictly come dancing with your story and ask for tix to the final?)

[Katymac]

Cory - your poor DD
& Seeker - what a disappointment for your DD

I just don't know what to say to mine tbh - I am nearly as upset as she is

Her dad is just beside himself

[seeker]

Oh, I was going to post something similar - my 13 year old had a crushing disappointment on Saturday - the woman who owns the pony she adores and has been loaning texted her to say that the pony was being moved to a yard too far away for us to get to. So no more pony.

I understand what you mean about it being "real" not pre-teen angst. It's so hard to see them dealing with such a blow - and I find that I end up crying myself which is no help at all. I've been encouraging her to talk about it, and I'm emphasizing that this is a big, real thing and she won't get over it instantly - it'll take a while. And, crucially, that it's perfectly OK and normal to feel like crap.

[runawayquickly]

Oh no, how horrible. Does she already realise this is what it might come to? If not, wonder if it's best to pave the way?
I have no experience of how to deal with this sort of situation but I can see how horribly upsetting and disappointing it would be for her.
Can she compete next year? She's obviously done so well even against the odds.
I thnk all you can do is sympathise and make sure she knows you ARE aware how bad she's feeling. She may feel like she's let her dad down too, so important he lets her know he's proud of her for getting so far!
Really hope it doesn't come to that for you all, Katymac. Best of luck x

[cory]

Lots of sympathy and hugs!

I know how you feel: dd was devastated when her disability got so bad that she had to give up dancing. It was how she had always expressed her feelings and it was a very great blow to have that taken away.

Not a lot you can do- except be there for her and be the one who knows how she feels.