Breastfeeding help - new mum

[Igglybuff]

Hi I'm a newbie on mumsnet and a first time mum of a three week baby. I've been breastfeeding excusively but having trouble which is really undermining my confidence as a mum.
My little boy has a new habit of pulling on me toward the end of a feed. Yet if I take him off thinking he needs winding or is done he does his hungry face or starts rooting so I stick him back on. Only for him to suckle a couple of times then start pulling and grunting again. Now I feel like i can't read my baby anymore - is he hungry? If he wants to comfort suck, why is he pulling? A couple of times I've broken down in tears thinking my boobs are rubbish and I have no milk (sadly I go and check to find that there is)
I'm seeing a BF counsellor soon as I think his latch is wrong(he won't open wide - not sure if having a bottle in special care before we'd established feeding is relevant?) but wondered if anyone had similar experiences? My hubbie is knackered from taking baby in the night to check if hungry (I.e. Does he cry for food) and I can't put baby to sleep anymore. I feel a failure.

[Tambajam]

Glad you are feeling more positive.
Some people really don't notice obvious growth spurts. That isn't a reason to worry.

Daisyj - Obviously I don't know your individual situation. It sounds as though your DD was following her natural patterns. Thanks for not getting defensive and shirty.

[Igglybuff]

Just thought I'd update to say I saw the BF counsellor who gave me tips on positions for baby which I've been trying. I think it'll take practise to get the latch right as he really doesn't give me much time to get him in the right place before he finds my breast and starts guzzling! The counsellor reassured me a bit although I have a concern about missing his cues still although I guess that should come with time. The main reason for that worry is that he's not had a textbook "growth spurt" i.e. relentless feeding for 24 hours - he's only done that for a couple of hours here and there. Maybe I should be grateful but did wonder if spurts vary in nature.. A question for another thread perhaps!
Anyway, thanks for helpful posts and the encouragement. Am feeling more positive today!

P.s daisyj I've not CATd yet as not paid up! Will do so once I get organised!

[daisyj]

Thanks, Tambajam - I'm always happy to be corrected, and would hate to have inadvertently caused more problems for any mum/baby trying to establish bf. I did actually mean to say wet/dirty nappies - shouldn't post when in a rush, though.

I was also led to believe by a bf counsellor that a month or so to get back up to birth weight wasn't a problem in bf babies - but, as I say, always happy to be put straight. I did wonder if in my dd's case it was a question of her readjusting to her natural centile (she was 8lb 4oz at birth (75th) and dropped to bottom of 25th, which she has followed since then).

Apologies if I've been guilty of misinforming. I feel rather

[Tambajam]

daisyj - I have dithered about responding to your comment but decided as a breastfeeding counsellor I have no choice.
I'm very glad to hear everything worked out in your case and in the case of your friend's baby but it's simply not correct to imply that taking 5 weeks to reach birth weight isn't a cause for concern in the vast majority of cases. Even the most passionate breastfeeding advocate would urge someone to seek help if a baby hasn't reached birth weight by around 3 weeks.
Wet nappies and sleeping are also not going to tell you much as babies can produce urine without sufficient calories for a poo (which is why poo rate under 5-6 weeks does matter -it can slow down after then). And newborns who are excessively sleepy and sleeping for long periods can also be an indicator of a problem.

I am not making these comments in response to the OP's problem but because another mother of a newborn who may come across this page.

[daisyj]

x-post. Great, look forward to hearing from you. xx

[daisyj]

Oh, and DO NOT let health visitors or anyone else stress you about your lo not being back up to birth weight. My dd and a friend's baby one week older both took 5 weeks. But the most important thing is wet nappies and that they are sleeping (as well as a newborn does!).

Also, in the short term, are you using anything like Lansinoh ointment for your nipples? It helps loads, and you can bf with it on.

[Igglybuff]

Thanks Daisy. Am a bit further south although lewisham is only ten mins on train. Will get in touch - I think the more contacts for me the better

[daisyj]

Iggly - just seen this. Am in a rush, so just briefly, I'm in SE London too. Mum of a 7mo, but went through a very similar thing at 3 weeks. Don't know which bf group you are planning to go to but the Deptford one is fantastic. There is also a wonderful group of local mums (Lewisham, Lee, Blackheath, Greenwich) who meet regularly. The thread has gone a bit dead, but there's a thriving email group which I can put your name on. I'm back at work now, so not about much, but loads of mums of babies 1-10 months are around. CAT me if this is any good to you. x

[Tambajam]

Hmmm. Not sure it's fair to say non-free = crap. There are some fantastic lactation consultants out there. They have to make a living and support their families - fair enough. The lactation consultant exam is very rigorous and many charge on a sliding scale or do some voluntary work.
www.lcgb.org
There are also some volunteers who attend cafes who may only be peer supporters and have received less training. Some people with questionable training even call themselves 'counsellors' as the term isn't protected.

However if someone is trained with one of the main four organizations I think you can feel pretty safe.

Definitely don't worry about crying on the helpline. I am one of the volunteers and we are very very used to it. Hormones are flying all over the place for a start. It's really fine.

[Igglybuff]

I'm going to try and pluck up the courage today and ring nct. Baby is now grizzling for food so lets see how this goes!!

[GhoulsafraidofVirginiaWoolf]

suburban sweetheart if the group is any good, not only will they put you at your ease but they will boost your confidence. You are not a bad mother you are on a steep learning curve. Unless you had the good fortune to grow up with lots of older sisters, aunts and neighbours all breastfeeding then it is very hard to work out what is going on sometimes (sounds a bit lentil weavery and camp-fireish but you get my drift). Ours has a side room reserved for use when someone comes in who is at the end of their tether and in need of a good cry. No one judges because we've all been there (bf mums and ff mums - cos there's plenty to cry about in the early days with a new baby whatever your feeding method, sleep, wind, throwing up, leaky nappies........)

I don't have any experience of paid lactation consultants/BFCs. I was a bit when I saw some prices on the internet. The beauty of bf is that is is virtually free, so paying £60 an hour for information you can get for free does seem a shame. But I am sure there are good people out there working in the field and charging for their services.

[Igglybuff]

I'm hoping the latch can be sorted quickly and I'll feel so muc better!

[suburbansweetheart]

Thanks Igglybugg. Would be great to compare notes (hopefully of how things improving!). There is a bfeeding group near me that I'm planning to start going to. Feel a little nervous though about meeting new people and then probably ending up crying and sounding like a terrible mother! Will try out suggestions from the post and just let her cluster feed in the evenings to see if she is happier. HV coming on Monday, so hopefully weight will have gone up (not back to birth weight last week) which would give me some more confidence.

[NotQuiteCockney]

Oh, relieved to see it's a free BFC - sorry I got the wrong end of the stick. (Ghouls, always good to keep pointing out non-free = crap)

It does sound like your breastfeeding should be fine, you obviously have lots of milk, your baby is thriving, it's just a matter of sorting out the latch.

[GhoulsafraidofVirginiaWoolf]

oops just seen that you are actually seeing a free BFC

[GhoulsafraidofVirginiaWoolf]

Igglybuff - if you ring one of the voluntary organisations and just cry for a bit it is absolutely fine - honestly I have been that bf mother weeping down the phone several times and they are so nice you find you can get thru the sobbing and actually talk. A good friend is training as a BFC with one of the big BF charities and and said they are trained to listen to crying - it is actually part of the service. A good cry and then some well-informed free help from someone with bf expertise can actually make all the difference. Good luck to you and ring them today. Doesn't mean you can't see the person on Monday. Take all the help you can get (esp. the sort you don't pay for). Get some tissues handy and get the phone.

[Igglybuff]

Have posted in the breastfeeding thread now.
Sweetheart-send me a message if you want to compare notes/let off steam off the thread xxx

[Igglybuff]

Hi suburbansweetheart. It's so hard isn't it! Especially when I feel I have no time to myself - my daily luxury is a 15 min shower.... Have you got any mums you can meet with? I've found it helpful to email a couple of girls I met in antenatal classes to compare notes although not sure they're as honest as me as I'm the only one confessing to blubbing all the time!!

[suburbansweetheart]

Igglybuff. I'm first time mum of a 2 and a half week old and having similar problems. Finding it really hard to cope when my baby cries and don't know what to do. DH great and often taking her to try and settle her, but also getting run ragged. Feel upset and guilty as I'm not enjoying motherhood and just don't know if or when things will improve.

[Igglybuff]

Mehdismummy - not done that, will do! x

[Igglybuff]

Counsellor is from a localBF group and free (live in SE London) They have meet -ups as well so I plan to get myself out of the house and go along - although I've only had one outing so far as I lost nearly a litre of blood post birth so taking ages to recover! So not confident about outings yet.
AliBean- it's encouraging to read your post - I keep telling myself it will get better but come 3am I don't believe it...

[mehdismummy]

have you joined local mumsnet? also post a new thread in breast and bottle feeding x

[Igglybuff]

Thanks NotQuiteCockney. Can I move the thread or do I need to repost? Will check help sections as no idea!

MrsHappy - when he first did this, I switched boob and it solved the problem. However it hasn't worked the last few feeds so just when I thought I'd sorted it... Maybe my letdown is slower but don't know how to tell. I'm trying to relax before a feed but end up hunched up waiting for the pain when he first gets on. Or I wait for the pulling, feeling tense as I "know" the feed will go wrong. So his next feed i will try and relax although morning feeds are easier as I have milk.