What was the deciding factors on the number of children you stop at?

[bacon]

I have two lovely boys, 4yrs and 5 months. I am now 38. I would be sad to think that I am now passed it. I am 50/50 on trying for another and hubby is more against it because he thinks I'll be too old in a couple of years time (he is 5yrs younger than me). I am not worried about conceiving as I caught quick with both.

Surely in this world of global warming and general economics surely 2 is enough?

On the other hand shouldnt we push to do as much as possible and we are only young once.

But do we want to be with young children when we are nearing 50? or should we be getting free from them.

At the mo, I generally bring the children up myself as hubby works and isnt much of a home bird. I do love being around my children but can I face doing it again. I am being greedy?

Surely there must be many couples going through the same thoughts or have been though this and have come to strong mutual agreements?????

[KirstyJC]

My DH. He only wanted 2, then after having DS1 he changed his mind and said he didn't want another. As I'm one of 4 children and always wanted a large family this was hard, so eventually I sat down with him and discussed how sad I was that family was incomplete and that I would never be pregnant again, and asked him to reconsider. Luckily he agreed and we now have DS2 and the 5 year age gap between them both really works well for us.

Keep looking at newborns though and getting broody again....although I don't rate my chances of talking him into a 3rd!

Would be happy to stay at 2 though, as 3 would be much harder - more expensive (childcare especially), bigger house, bigger car etc. Although if he changes his mind I would go for another like a shot!

[isitmyturn]

We stopped at two because...I was 40 DH was 48 and we had two healthy boys. Decided to quit while we were ahead. I would have liked another though.
They are now 11 and 13 , I am 51 and DH will be 60 soon.
Being an older mother was never an issue when they were tiny, but now they are becoming teens I do feel it a bit. I know all teenagers believe their parents are out of touch and ancient but we really are!
Funnily enough DH and I had a conversation the other day along the lines of how different would life be if we had only had one child, or if we had had more.
My only regret is not starting a family 3 or 4 years earlier.

[FernieB]

We stopped at 2 because it was twins and I didn't want to run the risk of having twins again (it's in the family).

I do get broody when I'm around babies/toddlers, but just remind myself that they get bigger and one day will be 6 and that puts me off!

[BarefootShirl]

We stopped at 2 - DS & DD. Much as I love them both to bits, we both felt that we didn't want to be bringing up DCs for ever and look forward to spending time doing more of our own thing while we're still relatively young. That may sound selfish but it certainly isn't meant to

[choosyfloosy]

Dh's health and my selfish ambition. Can't do another two years of dh being so ill every fortnight, plus his doctor has said he must be serious about sleep so it would be me doing all the night stuff and - much worse - the early mornings. I would have sold my grandmother two years ago for what I have now - a child who sleeps until 7.

The arrival of ds also caused me to rethink my whole life, in a really good way, and I love the course I am doing and do not want to give it up/take a year off. Hard hard on ds but the two factors combined are too much.

Plus the fact that i had a pregnancy scare about 3 years ago and started having immediate flashbacks to ds's birth. Pants.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

DH said no more as I have had PND three times and AND once, wo miscarriages, an emergency section, stressful following 2 pregnancies and nearly lost DS2 and my own life when giving birth to him. That was the main reason. I feel I have 2 more children out there.

[AnotherBloodySugaBabe]

We have stopped ay 2 for various reasons (we have a 4 yr old and 1 yr old):

I have complicated pregnancies. I was very ill last time. Not sure I - or my family, who looked after me and my older child pretty much full time during my last pregnancy - could cope with that again.

I have c-sections and would have to do it again. I dont know if I could hack a third.

I hate losing the baby weight. I mean, I loathe it with a passion. It takes me an age to lose it and it makes me feel lethargic and depressed. Sounds trivial, but to me, it's almost a mental health issue.

My mum look after our kids part-time while I'm at work. Two is one thing, three is another. Ditto for babysitting. At the moment, my mum or sister will have both kids, or one will have one and the other the other. Three or more would limit our babysitting options a bit more, and I do enjoy having a social life back a bit recently.

My husband is 45 (I'm 32) and thinks he is too old to have any more.

My career took a bit of a blow from having kids, and it is just getting back on track now. I need my career , for financial reasons and for my sanity and own fulfillment, and I don't know if it could take another maternity-leave blow, to be honest...

I do think about having another. I feel like I would like just one more sometimes . I can't really believe I wont ever be pregnant again. But in reality, I know we have made the right choice for us. I had a pregnancy scare last month and it really brought it home to me that as much as I sentimentalise it, I am moving away from that baby stage in my life now and new challenges await .

[Bramshott]

2 children, because:

• Frankly, they exhaust me enough as it is!
• I had health problems with DD1 and have to have daily injections in pregnancy.
• I have now restarted my career from scratch twice, and don't fancy doing it again

I could spout on about having 2 children and 2 hands; having 2 children and a normal sized car with no space problems; or having 2 children not contributing to the population explosion, but frankly those wouldn't stand up if deep down I wanted more.

However, I do feel nostalgic that the baby-nurturing part of my life is now over .

[happywomble]

have stopped at 2.

1. wanted to have my children by 35 and am now older than that although still under 40.

1. 2 c-sections is enough

1. still haven't lost the weight from last pregnancy and am overweight and unhappy with my weight.

1. health issues in pregnancy

1. Age gap would now be over 5 yrs which I don't think would be ideal.

1. Have given away or ebayed all the baby gear!

However DH would have loved another and my children keep saying they want a baby. I feel bad that I'm the only one who wanted to stop at 2.

[mum23monkeys]

I have 3 dc and should probably have stopped at 2!

The third has really taken it out of me, has made returning to work very difficult so consequently I have taken more time out than I intended and now am facing having to retrain.

Childcare, as someone said, is much harder with 3 - there aren't many people I can leave all 3 with. No family within hundreds of miles, and only 1 babysitter who is up for the challenge of all 3.

I adore my youngest and she is (usually) a delight. This is lucky because in other situations I might really regret my decision to have had another.

[potplant]

Sames as FernieB - twins put me off.

I had a difficult pregnancy, really struggled in the early days (actually still do!), mild PND. The thought that I might have another 2 terrifies me.

I have broody moments but it really is for the best for my family emotionally and financially.

[morningpaper]

money

[DownyEmerald]

I have one (3.5).
I wish I'd started a couple of years earlier (now nearly 41). I fantasise that I might have had another then. But two in childcare even for my part-time work would have been v. difficult financially - tho I think my parents would have helped if asked.

But mainly, and the reason I'm ebaying/selling stuff now, is that the broodiness I felt when dd was small has almost entirely gone. Yes, when I see a small baby my heart melts, but it doesn't last long. Dp doesn't want another, but I think if I really did he would succumb - I do most of childrearing.

I'm keeping an open mind though, in case the broodiness comes back! It might be that as dd grows older I get broody about toddlers/pre-schoolers if that's possible.

[kittywise]

6, sadly I think there will be no number 7
A mixture of no money, exhaustion and age. I'm nearly 42

[Bleatblurt]

I have 2 living children and wont be having anymore. I want at least one more child but can't do pregnancy anymore - I've had a 14 week loss and my DS2 was stillborn at 36 weeks. I can't take the risk of losing another one.

I have spent so long trying to convince myself that 2 is perfect that I actually believe it now and am (mostly) happy about it.

I'm looking forward to the day that I can just sit on my bum and be a neglectful parent while my DS's run wild around me. At the moment DS3 is 21 months so I have to chase him constantly.

[minxofmancunia]

have a 3 year old dd and am nearly at 42 weeks gestation with dc number 2!!

tbh am v frightened at the thought of even 2, really wanted this 2nd baby but the reality of what we're facing is really starting to scare me now esp as it could be any day.

I know for definite and fir sure this is it for us. The reasons are mainly selfish, 2 seems just about manageable, after this one I can't face the thought of pregnancy/baby stage all over again. house size and finances also an issue. still comfortable with just 2, any more, and we would struggle and we're not prepared to do that.

Also will be 35 next month the cut off point for me. I see 40 in the dim and distant future as having slightly older more independent children and our lives being more settled.

Also am plagued with anxiety about this baby being ok, from birth and beyond. So much for being less anxious 2nd time round, this time I've been far worse, terrified about babys health and potential birth complications.

[MrsJohnDeere]

Have stopped at two.

1. Hate pregnancy (and really struggled with the last one, pre-eclampsia etc), and don't enjoy the baby phase. Can't face doing it all again.

1. Pure selfishness - now ds2 is 19mo there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I can start to do things for me. I don't just want to be someone's mother - I need an identity and interests of my own.

1. Economic reasons - school fees, cost of foreign travel (which we'd like to do a lot of a few years down the line), etc.

1. Would hate to drive an MPV.

I didn't have to make a decision as such as have never felt remotely tempted to have any more.

[MoonTheLoon]

Have two (5 and 2), second birth horrendous so never want to do that again.

Also cost.

[MoonTheLoon]

Oh and lack of sleep! I'm too old for this nonsense of 5 hours sleep.

[expatinscotland]

Stopped at 3 and we're very pleased with that.

I am 38 and DS, our third, was born when I was 37.

My husband is only 31, but I was feeling too old in the body to cope with any more pregnancies/childbirth/newborns.

Plus, I'm finding three a lot of work (mine are 6, 3 and 10 months).

DH is getting a vasectomy next month.

[bacon]

Thanks for everyones submissions.

I'm thinking seriously that 2 is me done, for a mumber of reasons -

Who wants to baby sit 3 children?My mum is now 74 so she can only cope with 2.
Transport - at least I can still fit
them in the back.
I can get my life back on par.
Terrified when 8 yrs old I becaome a taxi for every different group under the sun, at least with 2 its ok.
Having a spare guest bedroom.
Can afford it.
Holidays easier to handle.
Start getting my body shape under control.
I'm not laid back enough to let the place go to the dogs.
I'm already knackered.
Lonely enough now, housebound with everyday chores, going out knocks my routine out (how sad).

I see comments about wish I'd started earlier and understand but so many of us are getting married later in life and a child needs security first. Average first marriage now is 30yrs old but its my second! I couldnt face knocking one out after another and glad there is a 3.5 age gap between my boy and baby.

I think I have at least a year left to think about it and through some miracle my husband keeps bringing in the money then we can afford a part time nanny I think that would sell the idea. If I could be guaranteed a girl too, but its a risk another boy...madness!!!!!

[pagwatch]

except it depends on their ages bacon
Ds1 has baby sat for the other two for a couple of years now. Takes DD to school etc.
I find it easy having three.

The real pisser is how much more standard hotel holidays cost when you have three children. And hopefull when DD is 14 plus she can sit with DS2 for me which will give me a few more years of being able to go and get my haircut etc.
Once she has left home I will have no help at all with ds2 - well not from anyone who enjoys doing it

[WinkyWinkola]

I want four. I know I want four. I'm 35 weeks pg with no. 3.

DH doesn't want four. He says we can't afford school fees for four. I don't really care about private school but he says I'd be depriving my dcs of the best possible education.

It's an ongoing debate. Sigh.

[pagwatch]

and I had DD at 41. She is 7 now and I enjoy her enormously even though I am nearly 48 - which apparently mean I wish to shun young children and take up bingo and buy a cat