What was the deciding factors on the number of children you stop at?

[bacon]

I have two lovely boys, 4yrs and 5 months. I am now 38. I would be sad to think that I am now passed it. I am 50/50 on trying for another and hubby is more against it because he thinks I'll be too old in a couple of years time (he is 5yrs younger than me). I am not worried about conceiving as I caught quick with both.

Surely in this world of global warming and general economics surely 2 is enough?

On the other hand shouldnt we push to do as much as possible and we are only young once.

But do we want to be with young children when we are nearing 50? or should we be getting free from them.

At the mo, I generally bring the children up myself as hubby works and isnt much of a home bird. I do love being around my children but can I face doing it again. I am being greedy?

Surely there must be many couples going through the same thoughts or have been though this and have come to strong mutual agreements?????

[glasgowlass]

We have 1, I would dearly love more(I always wanted 3 DC's) as would DP however it took 8 years TTC DS so not getting any hopes up.

[violethill]

Always thought I would like 4, but stopped at 3.

Reasons.... money! I know they don't cost a thing as a newborn, but the realities of childcare for 4, housing, transport to get them around (once you're a family of 6 it's a people carrier) ...

I always worked, part time at least, between babies. Both parents working is damned hard with 3, so I reckoned would have been really frustrating with 4. End of the day you want to be happy and have a balanced life. I reckon 4 would have tipped the balance the wrong way.

We have 2 dd and a ds, so this may have made the decision easier - perhaps I would have felt more inclined to try for another if we'd had 3 of the same sex, I don't know.

IME, you just reach a point when you see your old life returning. You're not getting woken up 5 times a night, or struggling to dress 3 under fives each morning. And you know you're ready to move on to the next phase in your life. TBH, the people I really don't understand are those who have a massive age gap and then have another baby - I could never go backwards and do it all over again.

[chosenone]

Well I've come full circle on this over the past few months! We agreed 2 and got 2. 1 DS and 1 DD but I felt I wanted another but a bigger age gap as 22 months was quite busy with 1st 2! I talked DH round who said 'ok 'in spring but clearly wasn't that up for it and it affected our sex life as he wasn't into it! On holiday in the summer the 4 of us had a lovely time and I felt complete, I started to think a 3rd would be a mistake. I'd chosen not to think about our small house, my career, providing enough time for the 2 we've got. Then i had a preganancy scare and was panicking as realised I didn't really want another. I was so relieved when i wasn't, so was DH, he's now booked in for the snip!

We're happy with the status quo
We can afford a nice (ish) life with 4
I can just about cope with family and career
2 in nursery has been so expensive am more than ready to stop spending on childcare!
I find the toddler stage pretty irritating

Now if we won the lotto and I could have a cleaner, nanny etc then it would be a different story!

[itsbeingsocheerful]

I knew it was time to stop when I spent the night feeds with DC3 feeling resentful that I wasn't tucked up in bed. The five year gap was too big, I'd got too used to my sleep again

Now however broody I get, and I'm ONLY 45 I know it'll be a bad thing. Am considering fostering though

[NightShoe]

We have stopped at one because it just feels right. We sometimes think about another one but if I am honest I can never summon up much enthusiasm and when someone hands me a newborn I feel immediately jittery and bored rather than cooing and broody. Strangely though, if you offered me a two year old I would probably be over the moon.

[KERALA1]

Got 2 would love a third but guilt over environmental reasons/over population is preventing me going for number 3. Would love to though!

[Heated]

We are sort of ttc no 3.

We agreed to try this month but then dh was ill most of the crucial time, so it's unlikely no 3 is on the way, and now I've got cold feet again...!

[Meglet]

2 children for the following reasons:

• our house is too small and no possibility of getting somewhere bigger for a few years, by which time I would be nearing 40.

• I had to have c-sections and wasn't keen on risking more than 2. Didn't want to push my luck and have complications.

Originally I wanted 3 or 4, but didn't want to risk it.

[tkband3]

I am very lucky because I got more than I bargained for . We only planned to have 2, but got DTs second time round. DD1 is now 6 and just started Y2, and DTs have just started reception - they go full-time next week. There's a very small part of me that is nostalgic for the baby years - but then I remember the sleepless nights etc and the nostalgia goes completely. I am 40 now and feel too old to cope with another small baby.

So, now I finally have some time to myself, I'm applying for jobs! Much as I've enjoyed my time at home with my girls (mostly ), I'm looking forward to getting out into the world again.

[mackerel]

I think you just get to the point when you know that you have it right for you. We agreed on 4 and after 3 I felt v. broody. i thought I'd always feel broody but that we would stop at 4 and i'd have to deal with that. As things stand my broodiness has disappeared and I feel very happy but busy with my 4. I feel pretty stretched and the real factor putting me off more would be that I think we couldn't give enough time to any more children and be fair on the ones we have. Ours are pretty close in age. We don't have any money or disposable income and I don't think that for us that was important - we see the children getting so much out of each other which you can't buy. i do think that if you have 3 or more you both need to be keen on the idea and not persuaded and doing it against your better judgement, because it is hard work and needs the two of you to be hands on. $ suits us and occupies me. I suppose for others that number could be higher or lower. Our families warned us of the costs of 4 growing up - which we blithely ignored - and now we go shoe shopping - clubs etc and are broke! Still wouldn't change anything.

[Arsed]

We have 2. I would love another.

We cant though, both of mine have been premature because i have an incompetant cervix. I've run the gauntlet twice and got two beautiful children.

I cant risk it agian, we have ben so lucky.

it does make me sad

[francagoestohollywood]

Deciding factors here: stamina, patience, age.

I kept putting off a third as I wanted my youngest to grow up a bit (there are 22 months between my two). Now they are 7 and 5, and I'm not sure I want to have another baby

[alypaly]

now wish i had had a football team

[alypaly]

go for ...otherwise you will regret it. 38 is not old...i would like more now and im a fit 53...unfortunately now thro menopause.

[HeadFairy]

We're officially stopping at two... we'd agreed on two when we talked about it before having ds, and then after ds came along, dh said he didn't want any more. It took me ages to talk him in to having another one.. and I'm now 27 weeks pg with dd.

I feel very fortunate that we have a lovely healthy ds... after 2 back to back mcs I didn't even think this pregnancy would last, so I'm very grateful for it, plus having one of each makes things feel very balanced.

I'm 39 now, and I was quite scared at how quickly my Downs risk went up between ds and dd (60% increase in 2 years) and the thought of having a baby after 40 is a bit daunting. I'd probably give it a go if dh was keen, but he's not. But he's not offering to take care of contraception, and he knows I can't take the pill or implant (and don't fancy the coil) so if anything happens... who knows?

[sweetkitty]

Am almost 8 weeks pregnant with number 4, who hopefully if all goes well will be our last baby.

Four is more than enough lol

[pagwatch]

and I had DD at 41. She is 7 now and I enjoy her enormously even though I am nearly 48 - which apparently mean I wish to shun young children and take up bingo and buy a cat

[WinkyWinkola]

I want four. I know I want four. I'm 35 weeks pg with no. 3.

DH doesn't want four. He says we can't afford school fees for four. I don't really care about private school but he says I'd be depriving my dcs of the best possible education.

It's an ongoing debate. Sigh.

[pagwatch]

except it depends on their ages bacon
Ds1 has baby sat for the other two for a couple of years now. Takes DD to school etc.
I find it easy having three.

The real pisser is how much more standard hotel holidays cost when you have three children. And hopefull when DD is 14 plus she can sit with DS2 for me which will give me a few more years of being able to go and get my haircut etc.
Once she has left home I will have no help at all with ds2 - well not from anyone who enjoys doing it

[bacon]

Thanks for everyones submissions.

I'm thinking seriously that 2 is me done, for a mumber of reasons -

Who wants to baby sit 3 children?My mum is now 74 so she can only cope with 2.
Transport - at least I can still fit
them in the back.
I can get my life back on par.
Terrified when 8 yrs old I becaome a taxi for every different group under the sun, at least with 2 its ok.
Having a spare guest bedroom.
Can afford it.
Holidays easier to handle.
Start getting my body shape under control.
I'm not laid back enough to let the place go to the dogs.
I'm already knackered.
Lonely enough now, housebound with everyday chores, going out knocks my routine out (how sad).

I see comments about wish I'd started earlier and understand but so many of us are getting married later in life and a child needs security first. Average first marriage now is 30yrs old but its my second! I couldnt face knocking one out after another and glad there is a 3.5 age gap between my boy and baby.

I think I have at least a year left to think about it and through some miracle my husband keeps bringing in the money then we can afford a part time nanny I think that would sell the idea. If I could be guaranteed a girl too, but its a risk another boy...madness!!!!!

[expatinscotland]

Stopped at 3 and we're very pleased with that.

I am 38 and DS, our third, was born when I was 37.

My husband is only 31, but I was feeling too old in the body to cope with any more pregnancies/childbirth/newborns.

Plus, I'm finding three a lot of work (mine are 6, 3 and 10 months).

DH is getting a vasectomy next month.

[MoonTheLoon]

Oh and lack of sleep! I'm too old for this nonsense of 5 hours sleep.

[MoonTheLoon]

Have two (5 and 2), second birth horrendous so never want to do that again.

Also cost.

[MrsJohnDeere]

Have stopped at two.

1. Hate pregnancy (and really struggled with the last one, pre-eclampsia etc), and don't enjoy the baby phase. Can't face doing it all again.

1. Pure selfishness - now ds2 is 19mo there is light at the end of the tunnel, and I can start to do things for me. I don't just want to be someone's mother - I need an identity and interests of my own.

1. Economic reasons - school fees, cost of foreign travel (which we'd like to do a lot of a few years down the line), etc.

1. Would hate to drive an MPV.

I didn't have to make a decision as such as have never felt remotely tempted to have any more.

[minxofmancunia]

have a 3 year old dd and am nearly at 42 weeks gestation with dc number 2!!

tbh am v frightened at the thought of even 2, really wanted this 2nd baby but the reality of what we're facing is really starting to scare me now esp as it could be any day.

I know for definite and fir sure this is it for us. The reasons are mainly selfish, 2 seems just about manageable, after this one I can't face the thought of pregnancy/baby stage all over again. house size and finances also an issue. still comfortable with just 2, any more, and we would struggle and we're not prepared to do that.

Also will be 35 next month the cut off point for me. I see 40 in the dim and distant future as having slightly older more independent children and our lives being more settled.

Also am plagued with anxiety about this baby being ok, from birth and beyond. So much for being less anxious 2nd time round, this time I've been far worse, terrified about babys health and potential birth complications.