Are you consciously like your mum or otherwise?

[jasper]

I used to think I had not much in common with my Mum.

Now that I have children I realise I do a lot of things the same way as my mother did. Looking back she was an incredible mother and I would love to be like her.

Any thoughts?

[bubble99]

Baked potato! You're around! I haven't caught you on any other threads. Sory to hijack jasper but I haven't heard from the spud for ages.

And yes, I am slowly but surely turning into my mother. And I have to say that on balance this is a good thing. She was a working mum in the early 70's and it was still not the norm. then but she still managed to cook well, clean and be there for baths and bedtime.

[jasper]

bakedpotato, yes I do tell her . Funnily enough we don't have an overtly warm relationship but that is just because she is not very physically demonstrative. I love her very much.
What I was trying to say was I did not realise just how good a mum she was to the four of us until I had my three kids.

When I look back at the way she ran the household in terms of the meals she produced with limited money and the high standards of housewifery I am frankly amazed at her energy and dedication!

She was also very calm and did not really shout at us or lose the rag.

[WigWamBam]

Definitely otherwise. If I wanted my dd to grow up insecure, lacking confidence, frightened of her own shadow, thinking she was crap, and terrified of me, then I would want to be like her.

I don't.

[Donbean]

We havent all got fantastic mothers Swedishmum, i feel the same way as you.

[swedishmum]

I so envy those of you with fantastic mothers. After 41 years I still have a very strained relationship with her. No particular reason, she's just not a warm person - and doesn't really approve of me. They gave me bad career advice, still give me a guilt trip about not playing the violin and going to church any more, and don't really approve of my lifestyle (happily married mum of 4, financially stable, non smoker, blaa blaa blaa). I resent it but don't challenge her - she's old and ill. Worst moment - one holiday from university she found my contraceptive pills and went ape. The same holiday I had some pink stripey trousers. She said if anyone saw them they would know I was a prostitute and I'd deserve whatever I got. I was 21. Actually I also have memories of having my belongings packed into a shoe box when I was about 4 and naughty and told to wait by the front door while she made a pretend call to the children's home to take me away.... and she was a child guidance social worker and vicar's wife!! She can't talk about it now because she says it's not fair of me to raise it. Maybe it wasn't fair of her to raise me?
No, I don't do anything in the same way as her. I can't even phone her often these days - it sticks in my throat to be chatty. I get the kids to do it instead.

[starshaker]

i was just saying to dp that if i could be hal the mum that mine is alana will be very lucky

[Donbean]

No, total opposite.
I make every strenuous effort to NOT say/do/emulate any of her traits as a mother.

[bakedpotato]

Have a great mum, now see how much I'm borrowing from her. I seek her advice before anyone else's (yes, even before posting on MN). She is wonderful.

Jasper, have you told yours what you think? I try, but it's really hard (and embarrassing, for some reason).

[Frizbe]

mmm I do catch myself every now and again doing things like my mum! I do try and cook nice food like her (not always as good tho!)