What would you do if your friend regularly left her young family home alone?

[InAPredicament]

I don´t know what to do, someone I know regularly leaves her 2 year old and 4 year old home alone while she goes out, as far as I know not longer than around an hour. I´m appauled. She´s knows she shouldn´t do it but does anyway. To put it in context she has ongoing mental health issues and clearly has problems coping. We live abroad which doesn´t make things easier. Her eldest is in school, the youngest in nursery half days and she doesn´t work.

What would you do, if anything? Various people have told her she should not be doing this.

[sb6699]

My youngest are 4 and 2 and I make them come outside with me to hang the washing up - could never leave them for an hour - would be catastrophic.

At their ages they aren't danger aware - things like filling the bath, putting plugs in sockets and such like are just fun.

Would really urge you to speak to them about it and make it perfectly clear that if it happens again you will report them.

[Cadelaide]

2 and 4? Terrible ages to leave at home alone. Mobile, curious, inquisitive but no sense of danger whatsoever.

[GypsyMoth]

Remember madeleine mcann? And remember that NO charges were brought against Gerry and Kate..... Huge debates at the time, but it's rare anything is done to prevent home alone scenarios. It's bad but unless they get hurt nobody steps in.

[Tamarto]

Nothing was done about them because

1 They were on holiday.
2 They could see the villa
3 they were checked on regularly.

None of these applies to the woman in the op.

[GypsyMoth]

No tamarto......those were just the circumstances. Fact is here in uk you have to use your own judgment......I asked social services about this recently as my ex was clutching at straws trying to get me in trouble. Nspcc website states similiar. Parental judgment.

[PortAndLemon]

But the NSPCC leaflet on the subject also states (specifically in relation to children the age of those in the OP) "young children should never be left alone, not even for a short time. An hour without you or another caring adult can be very lonely and distressing. And there are many safety risks to a curious, exploring child [...] Never leave babies or young children home alone (whether sleeping or awake), not even for a few minutes [...] The law is not clear because it does not state an age when children can be left alone. But parents can be prosecuted for wilful neglect if they leave a child unsupervised 'in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health' (Children and Young Persons Act 1933)."

[GoodGrrrlGoneBad]

i half expected it to be about older kids where it's more of a judgement call, and i was all ready to defend your friend. But 2yrs and 4yrs is pretty shocking. My 2yr old doesn't have the sense to look after himself for an hour, nor does a 4yr old.

If she has ongoing issues with mental health, is there a social services or equivelent that could help her out?

[PortAndLemon]

Here's one example -- two under-10s left at home for three hours and the father was convicted of child abandonment even though no harm came to anyone.

And another -- a ten-year-old and a ten-month-old, neither of whom came to any harm but the mother was convicted.

And another (although in that case the child nearly came to harm, as was the case here).

[Tamarto]

Parental judgement my arse when the children in question are 2 and 4.

NO ONE can justify leaving kids that age alone for that length of time!

It is neglect.

[MmeLindt]

There is no excuse for leaving a 4yo and a 2yo at home alone.

My DCs are 6yo and 4yo and there is no way I would leave them alone. I would not even pop to the shop (2 mins away) even if they were asleep.

2yo and 4yo have no sense of danger, and too much curiosity to be left longer than a few moments.

OP
I would speak to the DH, and tell him that unless he does something to get his wife help that you are going to have to go to the authorities.

[InAPredicament]

Thanks everyone. I´ve informed her dh about the situation and will speak to him after work. I´m afraid he´s devastated about it all.. The links were particularly useful and eye-opening. I have to say, wealthy middle class parents don´t seem to get the same treatment do they..

[Buda]

Well done for telling the DH. I am sure it wasn't easy.

[Nabster]

I heard today about a 22 month old who died alone in a fire when her mother left her.

PLEASE do something.

[ICANDOTHAT]

Can't do links but stick this is your browser:

www.nspcc.org.uk/HelpAndAdvice/Parentsandcarers/HomeAlone/homealone_wda35965.html

Nev er mind about legal ... it's wrong, irresponsible and abuse, as they must be terrified alone. Phone NSPCC, POLICE whoever ....

[blinks]

well done...

[TheYearOfTheCat]

I would consider myself pretty laid back, but even I find this shocking and unacceptable. My DC are this age, and I dread to think what they would get up to.

I think it would be a good idea if you could offer some positive suggestions when you meet the parents. It may be less threatening, although I agree, the bottom line is that if it continues, you needd to report it - and tell them this. Do you know anyone who would be willing to babysit for a couple of hours? re they wealthy enough to employ an au pair / mother's help? If so, you could offer to help interview prospective candidates. I'm not suggesting you take responsibility for solving this situation, but that offers of some help may help to alleviate the tension of the situation.

Keep us updated.

[strictmumof3]

Are you in a position to watch her kids, maybe offer to watch them if she needs to go out so they are not left home alone.

Personally i would have to report it, i couldn't live with myself if something happened. The kids welfare is the most important thing here.

Good luck

[aGalChangedHerName]

Jesus when i think about the stuff my 2 who are the same age btw, get up to when i am in the house with them....

You know the right thing to do is report for the childrens sake Unless dad takes steps to ensure the safety of the dc that is.