Need to get a book on toddlers TODAY! which one is best?

[StealthMouse]

Right, I've had enough of my dd she now 2yrs 8mths and this morning she nearly reduced me to tears for the first time.

I've heard of "Toddler Taming"(is that right?) books but I don't know of a specific one - does anyone have any recommendations? I thought reading something liek that might give me some hints and tips.

I've never parented from a book before so this is new to me...

[StealthMouse]

Aloha that book sounds really good, I think I'll buy it when I get paid!

As for us - dd got her first smiley face sticker this morning after being the perfect angel last night, she was so excited about getting her star she was asking me if she could go to bed!!!! . I was trying to just finish something so I said yes but she'd have to climb up on her own and I'd be up in a second - in a blink she was up the stairs with the stair gate shut behind her!!! 1 story, 1 lullaby and that was that - back to the old 10 minute routine!!

I hope we keep this up. I feel human again with no unbroken nights - this morning she even stayed in her bed until I went in to her. And she seems so much happier too (possibly as not over tired anymore)

I just can't believe this happened over-night.

I have started to dip into Toddler Taming - I read a few pages on discipline last night.

[aloha]

Depends on your approach but I really like a book called The Social Toddler published by an organisation called The Children's Project, which is more about learning to understand how your child's mind and emotions work so you can avoid getting into situations that are fraught or upsetting for both of you. It's very practical in the sense that it is made up of real situations with real parents and toddlers (all photographed like film footage so you can really see what is happening) and I found it enlightening and helpful - it's a bit like a book form of Little Angels, in fact. YOu can buy it online at thechildrensproject.co.uk (I think) - I also love their baby book - the Social Baby.

[Fennel]

I also liked Toddler taming, and the Libby Purves book. both are rather opinionated but bracing.

star charts never really worked for us. not sure why.
putting stropping toddlers out in the back garden is my current favourite method, ie with their clothes if they refuse to get dressed. it works every time and meanwhile I can get on with stuff indoors!

[eidsvold]

another vote for toddler taming - very easy to dip in and out of - practical and sensible.

[WideWebWitch]

Ooh fab Stealthmouse! Be consistent and I bet she'll stay interested.

[pinkwhistle]

WOW stealthmouse, that's excellent!

No book needed now then?!

[StealthMouse]

Just posted on another thread that I started a star chart last night with fantastic results.

She got 1 star for good behaviour during the evening, 1 star for not playing up at bedtime, 1 star for sleeping through and 1 extra star for being very good this morning whilst I got ready for work. She knows she needs 5 stars to get a smiley face sticker and if she gets 7 smiley faces she gets a special treat!

I just can't believe the difference - she started to go into one last night about not getting something and I just reminded her about the stars and she stopped instantly!! Amazing! I hope it's not just novelty.

She even got herself undressed last night and this morning without being prompted.

While I was getting dressed this morning (wihtout me even saying anything) she got out a top, trousers, nappy, wipes, cream and socks all in a pile where I normally put them then started to take off her pyjamas. I have to admit to welling up at this point (this earnt her the extra star for good behaviour this morning which wasn't meant to have a star)

I really hope it lasts!

[bobbybob]

Of Course I Love You Now go to Your Room, by Diane Levy.

The title is ironic, just in case anyone thought I was recommending a very odd book.

She is very good with battle of wills between parent and child, her writing style doesn't make me want to throw the book at the wall (the highest compliment ever) and she is very good at getting rid of guilt and procrastination.

Toddler taming is very similar, I think they know each other. They are both child pyschologists, so maybe that's why.

[pinkwhistle]

I have Toddler Taming - easy to read, fairly straight talking stuff.

But my fave book I STILL refer to even though my kids are 5 and 8, is called What to Expect the Toddler Years.

You may have heard of What to Expect when you're Expecting. Similar layout to that. Huge book, over 850 pages, with soooooo much info. Fabulous. Goes month by month from age 12m to 3yrs. Also has sections on feeding, safety, diseases, injuries, special needs, siblings, parenting and child care. I don't know if you can get it in the UK, but it really has been my "parenting bible".

Enough of a rave. That's my pick. Hope u can find one you are happy with.

[CazTurner]

Hi Kelly1978

I tried to CAT you but it tells me I can't, I've been trying to contact you about the DD100 and A103 thing! Let me know if you still want to do it! My email is [email protected], I'm pretty sure there aren't any axe-murderers on here, if there are ... well ... good luck! Take care ... CAZ

[Kelly1978]

Another vote for toddler taming and also for How not to bea Perfect Mother by Libby Purves. A great read, which helps alleviate the guilts of motherhood and present a more laid back guide to child rearing. I didn't agree with everythign in there, but I did find some of the common sense approach really useful.

[StealthMouse]

lol - I was just about to say the link diodn't work. Will have a look, thanks!

[mears]

Link isn't working.

Go to www.amazon.co.uk?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Click on books then type in Toddler Taming in the search box.

[mears]

Definately agree Toddler Taming. Here is a link with reviews here

[Tommy]

I'd go for the Toddler Taming too - sensible and won't make you feel a failure if things don't work out the way you think!

[StealthMouse]

Toddler Taming seems to have the most votes so far.

[bubble99]

Yet another vote for Toddler Taming. I like his style of writing, he's pragmatic and manages to inject some much needed humour. He's also the father of two boys and admits that before having children he considered himself an 'expert'. Post children he acknowledges that it's very different dealing with your own.

[StealthMouse]

so there's hope yet www?!

[WideWebWitch]

It would fuck me off too! I had a similar thing, my ex dh and ex mil have seen ds every other weekend since he was 2, when I left dh. (all amicable etc) and their rules are very different to mine. All you can do is try to get them to follow yours but if they won't, keep at it yourself imo, my ds eventually got the idea that our rules and mils were different. But easy for me to say, he's 7 now!

[StealthMouse]

lol www, if only it was that simple eh - I've tried doing all that but it's hard to ignore someone when they're biting/hitting you.

The main problem I find is I'm trying so hard to deal with this 'properly' i.e. no attention etc but her father and grandparents who all have access to her without me there do not/will not keep up the consistancy and quite frankly it really fu*ks me off. It's like I work hard with her go through all the crap and they just think fuck it and do what they want anyway - they do not listen to me it is infuriating me to the point where I am about to start restricting their access to her... I just do know what else I can do!

Soryy for ranting

[WideWebWitch]

Agree, the gist of Toddler Taming is that children want attention so don't ever let them get any as a result of a tantrum since they'll take negative attention over no attention any day. Praise the good, ignore the bad, be consistent, pick your battles wisely. Think those are the main points And it's nothing you've done, it's her age imo, perfectly normal!

[StealthMouse]

See this is the thing - I always been big on praise (perhaps too much??) and now I don't really know how to deal with problems because until Christmas I honestly never honestly never had any.

It's hard because she pushes and pushes and there's nobody there to vent my frustrations at, I'm full of cold and so tired.

Yet with other things she's so good, liek this morning I was so stressed and late and rushing around that I was a bout to whisk her out the door when she really quielty and politely told me she hadn't cleaned her teeth and could we do it - then I feel even more guilty!!!

Still thanks all for the comments so far, I'm not sure I could follow a book that is anti-nursery tbh but I agree it's about taking what fits for you.

[welshmum]

Stealthmouse - I'm with bundle, we've recently introduced star charts with our dd who is a couple of months older than yours. She gets a star for teeth cleaning with no fuss, one for hair brushing and one for going to bed nicely with no calling out in the night. If she gets most of her stars she gets a small treat at the end of the week. It's worked really well and removed alot of conflict from troublesome times of the day.
Don't worry about crying over it - it's parr for the course I reckon

[Carla]

Another vote for Toddler Taming. Just ignore the bits you don't feel comfortable with.

[bundle]

was going to say being pg would explain the tantrums! from the books i've seen, "fighting" with her will only "feed" the tantrum ie any attention even shouty mummy is attention = love. go big on praising her good behaviour and applauding when she does things right. start a sticker chart (including staying in bed, helping mummy to dress her, eating etc), all stuff that worked for us. i've got the biddulph book but he's v anti-nurseries, so i pick & choose what i believe about his views.