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Original poster

Does anyone out there feel self-conscious about their homes?

64 replies

VFeist · 21/12/2004 13:49

I have one ds nearly four and he needs to have more friends round to play but I do feel that our place isn't as glorious as some of his friends' places. Am I alone with this paranoia? I have some friends who seem to be super mums with such lovely places and I just feel that ours isn't as nice. I really let it get to me enough to hesitate before I ask people back. I'm very quick to arrange outings and meetings at other places, parks, soft play etc. I just feel so self-conscious it's ridiculous. Very close friends say the place is absolutely fine but I secretly don't believe them! Would love to know if there is anyone else who feels the same about their home.

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smileyragdoll · 21/12/2004 15:30

poached pears for lunch LOL, dont worry its toasted cheese and pinapple sandwiches here as well.

SantaFio2 · 21/12/2004 15:32

coddy i have spat champagne all over my keybpard at the national trust coffe shop so funny!

Flumberrysauce · 21/12/2004 15:32

Little drummer bird - I think she was trying to impress you!

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SantaFio2 · 21/12/2004 15:35

my 'posh' friend has posh tea and biscuits and she give my kids the most expensive biscuits which they wolf down obv, but she has to have pg tips and digestives when she comes round here and doesnt seem to mind

i am just embarassed about the hall carpet, think i will rip it up over christmas

mistletoe · 21/12/2004 15:57

Now here's a conundrum.

When I start getting paid for my new contract next year, should I buy a new living-room carpet (current one literally down to the canvas near the sofa), or should I book a holiday (we haven't had one for nearly 5 years, and dh has worked sooooo hard)

Original poster
VFeist · 21/12/2004 16:07

Many thanks for all the empathy, I feel much better and agree with what everyone says. To be honest my feelings are probably so strong because I basically don't like our house/road/area and think it was a mistake to move here. I don't know what kind of daze I was in when we bought this place but on reflection I had doubts that I ignored to my cost. Has that ever happened to anyone else? A lot of you seem to really like your homes so it's easier for you to welcome people in maybe? I hate our house and wish all the time we had not bought it. That's maybe why I find it so hard to 'home-make'. One girlfriend did tell me that it is really warm and welcoming but I still don't feel proud of it. But you are all so right, the people who are worth it won't care like I imagine they might. I just need to bite the bullet and get people to come more often. We had four people for dinner the other night and it went really well so I don't know why I feel so inadequate!

OP posts:
Flumberrysauce · 21/12/2004 16:14

Holiday, holiday, holiday!!!!!!!

Buy a rug from Ikea to cover threadbare bits.

mistletoe · 21/12/2004 16:17

VFeist
Yes, I hate where we live too. I was brought up in the country, in a secluded house, and now we live on an estate, in an area which is gently becoming less and less desirable.

We bought this 7 years ago, as a temporary move for 2 to 5 years MAXIMUM. But then we had ds, and over the last 2 years I've been immobile cos of a damaged hip, and money has been tight and ...... you know how it is.
So I'm not proud of where we live, but I try to be proud of HOW we live (even tho' it's untidy and disorganised).

littledrummerbird · 21/12/2004 16:37

Yes, poached pears with dessert wine too! Main course was monkfish with sliced courgettes coated in grated parmesan. Delicious, but intimidating.... Made me feel that my gift of a bunch of freesias was not quite up to standard!

Oh - one other note, she said they moved to their current location from Putney because it was too snobby there, and people too pretentious/competitive. Don't know what people in Putney expect if this sophisticated lady was left feeling lacking! Want to stress again that she was absolutely lovely - just frighteningly together!

Flumberrysauce · 21/12/2004 16:53

Putney is full of pukey yummy mummies.

codswallop · 21/12/2004 17:04

fio! aim to please
You HAVe missed me havent you ;)
so touching

if you look carefully you cans ee pph s here

ChristmasCracker · 21/12/2004 17:04

God mine is awgul too. I love the house but not the state it is in at the mo.

Needs loads and loads doing to it, and i have a lazy dp, so after xmas am gonna get stuck in myself, after all i can't make it look any worse, can I ??

I have a friend who lives only over the road but through the cut out where the houses then turn into non council/housing and her house is lovely, but she always says when i go in "oh excuse the state of xyz, " and there really isn't a thing wrong with it.

juniperdropofbrandy · 21/12/2004 17:16

I'm laffin my axxx off here sorry but I think that lunch was mega pretentious. She may be very nice but come on?
Love the NT coffee shop at pph's house

dh is a lawyer and we once went to drop off a brief at a barrister's house (now QC) that was like castle howard. this was b4 kids and we only had our lovely doggy. Anyhoo, b4 we left I'd been out with the dog and was covered in mud. I said to dh when you drop the brief off fgs don't let him ask us in, say we're in a hurry. Well, you guessed it, I was sat in the car and said barrister came walking towards me and almost dragged me out of the car He was posher than the queen and said to his kids to tell mummy they were entertaining.

Well, he got out the best wine and we stayed for ages. His wife and he were absolutely fantastic. But would I return the favour? Ermmmmm luckily they're not local

Having said that an ex mate once asked me why our house wasn't posher considering dh's job. Dh was on poor wages then not that it was any of her business She's now an aquaintance but not just for that.

juniperdropofbrandy · 21/12/2004 17:17

arghhhhhhhh I fell for it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donbean · 21/12/2004 17:24

Mines all done, decorated and every thing. Nice, gorgeous in fact....BUT im embarrassed because i feel like people cant relax in it. Do you know what i mean?
Cream carpets,cream walls (washable paint),But we have toy boxes galore,toys strewn all over the place. We have great fun and mess just is not an issue, we dont care. The sign of a good day is the volume of mess at 7.30 when DS is put to bed!
Im a very homely person, our front door is always open and friends and family dont knock they all just walk in, always have. (in fact we always look at each other in puzzlement when someone knocks!)
I am always aware though that they are anxious about their children making a mess and this is always a bit of a downer for me.
When we next decorate we will definitely choose more mess friendly colours as comfort and relaxation is very important to me.

WideWebWitch · 21/12/2004 17:28

So did I juniper!

GeorginaAdventCalendar · 21/12/2004 17:37

I fell for it too

leglepartridge · 21/12/2004 17:44

VFeist, I know what you mean. Our last house was a big mistake. When I bought I thought "lovely victorian period property to cherish and do up" and when I moved in I thought "oh shit, crappy victorian horrible money pit". None of the walls were even, the 'polished floorboards' were just horrible and dirty, I realised I hated it immediately and the road was crap although in a nice area. My BF there lived in the next road, which is the road I should have lived in and she had a really nice victorian semi with proper walls and floors!! I felt sooooo depressed every time I visited because I loved her house and couldn't believe I'd bought ours. Don't worry, just make the best of it and learn for next time. I did, and our house is really nice (and not victorian although I would like an old house in the future to do-up but will be really careful)

JennisaurusUnderTheMistletoe · 21/12/2004 18:02

I feel embarrassed about my house too.

Its in a truely awful area. My bathroom is peach and just generally grotty. I never feel like its clean or tidy. I am having family over for Christmas and I am really nervous about it, even though they have been here before. I would love to live in a nice little new house instead of this messy terrace.

TheHollyAndTheTwiglett · 21/12/2004 18:27

Gawd .. can't believe any of you actually care what your houses look like

as long as its clean, who cares if you live in a bedsit with flock wallpaper

people are friendly with you because of YOU .. not because of the type of house you live in

people who care about the type of home you have are NOT WORTH SPITTING ON

I have lovely friends with much smaller places than ours, I have lovely friends with much larger places than ours ..

Frankly I don't give a damn ..I'm just grateful to have other people's homes for my kids to trash

life is to f'in' short for that

Original poster
VFeist · 21/12/2004 18:27

I don't feel alone with my secret shame any more, many thanks. Jennisaurus, I have to do xmas at home for the first time rather than go to my wonderful MIL who makes it all so easy in her perfect house...

OP posts:
TheHollyAndTheTwiglett · 21/12/2004 18:27

Oh my .. did someone rattle my cage??

StuffTheMagicTurkey · 21/12/2004 18:29

Yeah twiglett, woss goin' on girl?

stitch · 21/12/2004 18:51

your house is a reflection of you. if the people you invite round dont like it, then they dont like you, and areent worth knowing.
i know lots of people with lovley houses. big, and immaculate, or small and immacullate. i have toys everywhere, the place is a mess, even when tidy. kitchen falling to bits. ( literally. no doors on most of the cupboards. only one of the burners on the coooker turns down etc etc)
but if people dont like the warm welcome they get, then they probly arent worth knowing in the first place

codswallop · 21/12/2004 19:14

mine is very normal but always teeming with folk passing staying for tea etc
OR boozing
a dn will be jam packed tn htusrsdya night when I have 40 coming!!

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