Help Pleeease. I am at my wits end

[DebbieSWFC]

My 2.5 DS will not interact with my DH at all, he pushes him away when he tries to cuddle him, he will not let him put him to bed or read him a story ds just screams for me. This weekend I took him to the park and we stayed there for ages , but when DH took him he was only there ten minutes before he wanted to come home.
This is killing dh he is so depressed about the whole thing . DH has now admitted that he did not want children and there is only two ways out and they are to make it work or get out .
Please help I do not know what to do and I don't want him to leave.

[SSSandy2]

How about doing things all together before easing your way out and giving them more time alone together?

For instance can you be cuddled up with ds whilst dh reads the story?

[DebbieSWFC]

Thanks SSSandy2
We have tried this and he just screams the minute I go out and will not stop until I come back. It is not just at night I was just worried that ds knows dh cannot cope with the rejection.
Debbie

[SSSandy2]

If you are all together at the park kicking a ball around say, is he ok to interact with dh if you are there too and all doing something together - or not even then?

[DebbieSWFC]

If we are all together he will play with both of us but he is constantly saying mummy play. We are trying to do things together but it just makes dh feel even worse when he does this.

[SSSandy2]

How about if we out with another boy and that boy's dad?

[DebbieSWFC]

That may be a good idea. DH has a friend with a little boy about six months younger. Thanks for that anything is worth a try.

Debbie

[Tortington]

think you need to go away for a week.

i guarentee by day two - things will be fine

the kid s 2.5 with basic instincts of food love and warmth

not keving the teenager

[cherryredretrochick]

Could you help DH learn about things that ds loves and how to interact wuith im and then go out for 10 mins, increase it by 5 mins per day and then be out at bed time. If ds has no choice he will learn to interact with dh.
Thing is dh needs to be on board or ds will pick up on it.

[DebbieSWFC]

Thanks all, there are some really usefull tips here. Hopefully we can stop this getting any worse.

[GooseyLoosey]

I have been where your dh is. Ds went through a period of not wanting anything to do with me (dd did the same with dh) and it broke my heart. First thing to say is that you cannot imagine how heart breaking it is if you have not been in that position so support him as much as you can.

Next thing is do not force it with ds and say things like you are upsetting daddy. Ds is too little to be made responsible for your dh's happiness (I said these things once and it was disasterous).

It is a phase. A heartbreaking one but that is all it is. The best thing for your dh to do is to make gentle advances to your son and if he screams and tells him to go away, not to force it but to acknowledge it and say OK but I will be here whenever you want me because I love you (very, very hard).

If ds will not be left alone with just dh then you should make an effort to do fun things with the 3 of you with dh taking an active part.

Finally, if you demonstrate affection to dh in front of ds that may show him that dh is a loveable person.

I really do feel for your dh - it is not a reflection on his skills as a father and it will change but it may take some time.

[DebbieSWFC]

Thanks it is good to know it is not just us, this will give dh a bit of comfort.

[GooseyLoosey]

If he wants to talk to me, you can CAT me, I really do understand how truly awful it is to feel rejected by your child.

[DebbieSWFC]

Many thanks I will let him read this conversation tonight.