It has taken every ounce of self control for me not to lose it with DS2 today

[saltire]

He wrote a note to his brother (older) that he was a - excuse language - a Fuck Duck Shitter. He then called him a fuckin bastard. He said "Well DS1 says that to me all the time outside".
This is jsut the tip of the iceberg
I can't deal with this anymore, I don't have the emotional or physical strength to do it.
I am so sick of this behaviour from both of them, DS1 and his terrible moods, DS2 saying no one loves him, he has no friends, he is truly miserable, he even said he was going to kill himself.

I don't know where else to go or who to speak to

[cory]

Oh you poor thing. Lots of hugs and sympathy!

I can't offer any advice as I don't remember anything about your situation - have you told us in previous threads? - or the age of your children.
DS2 sounds like he needs a very mild telling off for the language (on the lines of 'you don't need to repeat everything silly that DS1 does) and then lots of loving and support for feeling unhappy. But obviously, how you phrase it will depend on his age.

Are you getting any help for DS1? Does he need medical help? Counselling?

[chelsygirl]

salty what ages are they?

I have 2 boys and its really hard some days, no great advice just sympathy from a fellow mum!
x

[saltire]

I think I'm the one who needs medical help!

DS1 and I have been meeting with the schools parental support advisor. So far most of the focus has been on Ds1's behavour. he flies into really aggressive violent moods for no apparent reason. She has been helping him work through this

The main problem at the minute is DS2. He is bored, fed up and depressed according tot eh support woman. He is really huffy and everythingt takes forever to dow ith him. Even things like getting his shoes on. he also seems to have a really low attention span, so if I sned him upstairs at 8am to get dresssed for school, 30 mintues later he's playing daleks! If I say to him to get dressed, he says oh but look at this, just le tme finish this, look wha tthe dalek can do. if I don't then stand there and give him my complete undivided attention for anything up to 10 minutes while he does this, he goes in a huff, then I have 10 minutes of coaxing and cajoling to get him ready.

its only me they carry on like this., not DH. The sadness that emantes from him is very upsetting for me, but there is no way I can deal with it on my own. they are almost 10 and 8

[cory]

His morning dilatoriness sounds entirely typical of his age. With my ds (7) I never find I can leave him for 30 minutes and find any progress. I check on him every 10 minutes and chivy him on. (I would confiscate any toy that got in the way of getting ready for school, but that's a rule he knows about and accepts.)

All his mates' Mums also moan about how their sons take forever to do things (though IMHO ds takes the biscuit).

So this part of it doesn't sound so unusual.

What does come through very clearly from your post, though, is that there is a lot of tension in your house and that you are stressed and exhausted to the point where even fairly normal behaviour is just too much for you. Also, the language you mentioned your sons using, and your ds1's violent behaviour seem to point to some more serious stress.

Has your ds1 been checked out for the obvious developmental disorders? Has he been through any trauma (like a messy divorce, or bereavement)? Sorry if you have mentioned this in earlier threads. It may be that he has anger that he needs to be taught how to express.

Do you think ds2 could be suffering from dyspraxia?

But most important- are you getting any help? Is there anyone who can take the boys off your hands for a while so you can get me-time? DO you have anything in your life that is fun? Like a hobby, or a circle of friends? Have you been to see your GP?

Sorry, lots and lots of questions, but I really do hope you can get some help.

As for them only playing up with you- I'm afraid that's what you can expect if you are the person who means most to them. So very important to get you the support you need.

[PetitFilou1]

Saltire You poor thing, just to offer sympathies as have to go and pay my two a bit of attention (was having some time off as they've been right pains today)

Re the killing yourself thing, have you read overthehill's thread about her 8 year old?