are we bad parents??????

[bambam30]

today we went looking for a new coat for ds 2.5 and went to mothercare etc but couldn't find one however at each shop we went to he kept saking if he could look for drumstix [ he is into music BIG time ] and i kept jollying him along saying maybe later because you see he has been asking for at least 2 weeks but dh got made redundant a couple of weeks back and so we are watching the pennies -anyways we go to the next store -toysrus and dh and lo stay in car i go in to look for vests and said coat but nothing but they have got a musical set with everything my lo could dream of for 6.99 , so i have a dilemma do i get it or not so i go back out to car to discuss with dh and the first thing ds says is drumstix mama with a big smile and i say i sorry little man but they haven't got any to which he starts crying and i don't mean in a spoilt way but in a sad way so i whisper to dh that they do and he says no we really can't to which i get teary and then so does dh and he says oh just go get it and so ds very very happy but when i relayed this to my friend she said we had made the worst mistake ever by giving into his crying- have we -cos he really doesn't get that much and he is not spoilt far from it but did we do the wrong thing -because it broke my heart to see him like that in fact it makes me want to cry now

[pelafina]

Message withdrawn

[PeachesMcLean]

Oh bless you, not bad parents at all.

But you might come to regret it

[hertsnessex]

not bad at all - but dont do it all the time!

be kind to yourselves.

xc

[belcantavinissima]

bless you bambam but dont be daft. thats lovely that he got a treat! so long as you dont buy him something every single time he wants something thats fine .
prob next time you might want to go for something quiet though lol

[lucyellensmum]

Wll......at the begining i thought, what bad parents, i read on and thought, wow, what a lucky little lad, you did the right thing of course.

Can i offer a suggestion if money is tight? Do what i do, scour the charity shops. You would be surprised at the absolute bargains you can pick up, and its not rubbish i promise you. My DD wears designer clothes and i have even had comments from other mums that i must be minted - yep, at £2.50 a throw . It really is the in thing to do, i have to leave M&T early to beat the crowds - always a group of lovely ladies after the bargains. Id much ratehr pay £1.50 in Oxfam than £5 in tesco as the quality is often better.

Enjoy the drumming

[evenhope]

If you didn't find a coat Woolworths had loads at 1/2 price

[bambam30]

thanx all of you -sorry just put liitle man to bed- tbh i do get stuff from charity shops for him and i am gonna check out woolies tomorrow tbh with you i know he is not spoilt but you know when you just have a moment and heIS a really good boy [i know we all think that of our own lol] but after my friend said that i just worried -probably nowt to do with it more likely to be worry about interviews etc but any way thankyou you have made me feel not so bad now

[Acinonyx]

I've got some good stuff at charity shops and nearly new sales - but we all get those times when you know your lo really truly wants something and it's not just a moments faddiness. It's hard to resist!

[LyraSilvertongue]

OMG, how can you think you did the wrong thing? Your ds is clearly not spoilt and you made him very happy for £6.99.
You so did the right thing.

[misdee]

the other week i was popping to the shops after aquafit and asked dh if he wanted anything. dd3 pips up, 'i would like a monkey tocuddle and stroke' she is 3 next week btw. she comes out with some cracking stuff. anyway i was doing the shopping, and wandered down the toy aisle. i spotted they had little soft toy monkeys for £1. so i got dd3 one. i also felt bad like i was giving in to her demands. but felt £1 was worth it to see her little face light up when i came back. i stuffed it down my jacket with just its head poking out. she was estatic. and now wont be parted from her toy monkey (which is called mummy btw) and is currently sleeping on her pillow next to her.

i dont see it as giving in to their demands, as long as you dont do it all the time. i like to surprise the girls a bit, which is why when they ask for stuff they never really get a definate yes/no answer. which makes it easy to slip in an extra small gift at times.

[Alambil]

You didn't get it because he cried; he didn't cry and yell "but I NEEEED it" or something along those lines; he was just upset that he didn't have one. If he is like my DS, he would not demand that he wanted one but be quietly hopeful and then genuinely upset that his hopes were dashed... not spoilt IMO

You aren't bad parents - you are doing your best whilst money is tight AND making your child happy at the same time (not giving in to him - but making him happy)

[hotchocscot]

Hi bambam i think your friend either didn't understand the situation and type of crying properly or was being just a little bit mean. If your son was having a spoilt stroppy "everyone ELSE has one" type tantrum then maybe it would have come under the "giving in to demands" category but NO, the way you describe it he is NOT a spoilt demanding child who will repeatedly cry to get what he wants. You have made a very sweet little boy very happy with a simple toy and in my book this makes you a GREAT parent. Enjoy him enjoying his new toy with a light heart and happy smile.

[Desiderata]

If a 2.5 year old boy shows such a marked desire for music, then it should be fostered. You have done absolutely the right thing today, and you should be proud of yourselves.

I hope he's enjoying it

You're friend is just plain wrong. You parent your way .. it's nowt to do with her.

[Desiderata]

Your friend

[Vacua]

what an unhelpful comment from your friend, when we're sad we do stuff to cheer ourselves up don't we? sometimes this involves spending money and sometimes it doesn't, I'm pleased your little boy has got something that will make him happy.

[Flibbertyjibbet]

Will watch out for your post tomorrow night ' Am I a bad parent cos my little boy had been drumming all over the house so I snapped his drumsticks'

Would you also like the recorder that I have confiscated from my boys? (pleeeeease)

[S1ur]

Clearly not spoiling your child. Der!!! He is into music and you gave a pressie cos you love him. That's lovely. Give yourselves a pat on the back for caring about your baby

[Granny22]

My husband kept asking for a drum aged two and his mother, against her better judgement and friends advice, eventually got him one. 65 years later he still plays with various dance bands, really enjoys it and usually gets paid pretty well too.

If for some reason he does not have a gig for a week or two, he gets quite miserable and has to set up his (enormous) drumkit and have a lengthy rumble. Thankfully we have a stone built detached cottage and I am a big fan. When our girls were little they used to complain that they could not get to sleep for their dad playing loud rock music.

If someone has 'got the music in them' it would be downright cruel to deny them the opportunity to play.

You are excellent parents. You can see the difference between something that will give lasting pleasure and the usual over hyped branded tat that many children demand.

[aefondkiss]

I tried to cat you bambam - I have three coats my ds is rapidly growing out of... one black( it has a zipped on outer waistcoat which he can wear separately, it doesn't have a hood), one red lightweight from gap, one grey woolen duffle, I know you are not looking for charity, but I would much rather my ds had musical toys, than new clothes he grows out of.... let me know if you are interested, I will send them to you!

[bambam30]

aww thanx all of you lo is happily playing his drums along to the police dvd [sting and stuart copeland are his heroes ] aefondkiss thankyou so much for the kind offer but i just got him a lovely blue 'puffa' coat from bhs for 6 quid so very happy with that once again thankyou all for your support