Finding the balance between high expectations for children and what is achievable.

[Reallytired]

I think that children rise to high expectations. Ie. if you expect a child to misbehave they will. However you also have to realistic.

For example my six year old son would not want to spend two hours sitting at table during long adult meal, but I would expect him to sit and behave himself for twenty minutes.

I am often guilty of having very high academic expectations. Its a balance between mentally stetching my son, without knocking his confidence with totally unrealistic expectations.

I agree as long as lots of praise is used to reward effort as well as achievement. My kids are not at school yet but I expect high standards at home of behaviour etc.

As a teacher I also have high expectations of my class' behaviour and achievement. "High expectations, high standards".

If your academic expectations of a child are too high do you think it damages a child.

For example its Ok for my son to be in set 2 for maths instead of set 1. Its OK to be on stage X of the ORT when your child's friend is two levels of the ORT above your child. Its OK not to make your child do Kumon Maths.

However it would not be OK for my son not to try at school. Its not OK for him to not to practice his reading book. Its not OK for him to refuse to do his homework in year 1.

Where does the balance lie between being a pushing alpha mum whose child is expected to be gifted and talented at everything and have expectations that are too low.

Do we as a nation expect too much of our kids, which is why so many of them fail their SATS.

I think it's fair to expect a child to try to achieve his potential, and to work hard, and to put the effort in. It would be unfair to expect him to do better than his innate abilities allow! And it would also be unfair to let him believe that his value in your eyes is in any way conditional on his achievements. So long as you reward effort and not just results, I don't think you can go far wrong.

Reallytired I agree. I come from a family of overachievers - put it this way, my Great Grandfather won a Nobel prize. I am relatively normal in comparison but have always struggled with not being exceptional. At 35, I have finally put my demons to rest but not without some counselling last year!

My mum used to say "as long as you try your best, that's all we ask". My dad used to say "you were second? Who was first? Why weren't you top?". I was always a disappointment to him.

Unfortunately although all my children are above average, none of them have ever been top of anything or won prizes and I've found myself very disappointed. I go to prize giving and find it frustrating that the same kids always win everything and mine are content to just coast along.