Suddenly having 2-3hr bedtime battles with 10mo- help!

[MintGreenLife]

9 days ago my 10mo suddenly started being really difficult to bed to bed. He’s never been a great sleeper, but generally speaking we’ve never had much of an issue putting him down for bed.

He’s EBF and I feed him to sleep, rock him for a little while and then put down asleep. At the moment he will be tricky to get to sleep (pulling his hair, ear, hitting himself in the head and throwing his arms and legs around while feeding or rocking). Will eventually fall asleep, but then as soon as put down is instantly awake and screaming.

We did go through a phase of not being able to put him down when he was 5 months old which went on two months and we ended up letting him sleep on us and we slept in shifts, until we intervened and started putting him down awake. We only did this for a few weeks though, as couldn’t hack that there was always tears at bedtime. Reverted back to feeding to sleep and it had worked ever since, until recently.

Now he has had one of his top teeth cut through around the time this started, but not sure if that’s responsible as still going on a week later. The same thing happens when he wakes in the night - hard to get back to sleep, won’t go back down.

Does anyone have any suggestions?! I’m feeling completely worn out after over a week of spending 2-3hrs a night trying to get him to bed, and same all over again on his wakeups. He’s ended up sleeping in the pram a couple of nights as no matter what we did he wouldn’t go in his cot 😭

[morescrummythanyummy]

Well done @MintGreenLife

Good luck!

[MolliciousIntent]

@converseandjeans

molliscious

I think it depends on how important sleep is vs keeping breast feeding. I was quite focused on getting my sleep so mine did have hungry baby milk once they were older. So I guess that's a decision only the OP can make.

But the issue here isn't hunger, as OP has clearly said! And as I've said, hungry baby milk is not appropriate for babies unless there's a medical need. Just because you did it to your babies doesn't mean it's a good idea.

[MintGreenLife]

Despite the debate, the hungry baby milk for us is a nonstarter anyway as he doesn’t take a bottle, but anyway, I don’t think hunger is the issue, as he has three meals a day and eats well at every meal, and has plenty of breastfeeds throughout the day too. Thanks for the suggestion though.

so the last two days we haven’t had the bed time fight, and I’ve been limiting his day time sleep and making sure he has at least 4hrs before bed. I’ll see how this goes, but may try dropping to one nap in the not too distant future. It has made me realise he must have been getting way too much day time sleep though. For example on Monday he had 3.5hrs in the day and 7.5hrs overnight. It would make a world of difference to me if he was to sleep just an hour or two at night, instead of in the day 🤞🏼

[converseandjeans]

molliscious

I think it depends on how important sleep is vs keeping breast feeding. I was quite focused on getting my sleep so mine did have hungry baby milk once they were older. So I guess that's a decision only the OP can make.

[MolliciousIntent]

@converseandjeans

molliscious

This is ridiculous advice for an EBF baby, and hungry baby milk shouldn't be given unless advised by a medical professional anyway.

Why is it ridiculous? The baby is 10 months & presumably on solids too. It's more ridiculous to continue with current set up where baby is possibly still hungry at bedtime & stays awake as a result.

It's ridiculous advice because the baby is already being fed in the night, so the issue isn't hunger. EBF babies wake to feed for comfort, not calories, and very often do not take bottles, so suggesting that you give an EBF baby a bottle in the night is basically suggesting that you start another unnecessary battle. Suggesting hungry baby milk for a baby on no medical basis is also ridiculous, and shows a complete lack of understanding of how breastfeeding works.

[Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas]

@converseandjeans

molliscious

This is ridiculous advice for an EBF baby, and hungry baby milk shouldn't be given unless advised by a medical professional anyway.

Why is it ridiculous? The baby is 10 months & presumably on solids too. It's more ridiculous to continue with current set up where baby is possibly still hungry at bedtime & stays awake as a result.

If he was hungry he would have a bf and like the PP said hungry baby milk isn’t actually suitable for babies.

[morescrummythanyummy]

Oh and just one more thing. Sounds as if your son knows he naps in the pram and it is a sleep place for him. If you keep him up longer before first nap and he is tired from lots of activity, maybe see if you can do less pushing? My son often moans when put in the buggy for a nap (he usually prefers to sleep in cot), but if I potter around and make it look like I am doing something around him (putting things in the basket for later, keep saying hello to him, popping off for a bit longer and a bit longer) then he will just close his eyes and nod off eventually. You could try doing just a bit less each time or trying without movement if he is properly tired. Might be a nice kind means of learning to do more himself (and if he doesn't, you can give up and push him)

[morescrummythanyummy]

Yeah, I totally understand about not having a comforter for safe sleep with a young not mobile baby - very sensible, but if they are now dexterous enough to stand up in cot/pull something away from their face, it might be worth trying. In any case, not essential - see if one nap of 2 hours or so helps. Unfortunately you might just have one of the ones like my son who will chose daytime over night sleep if given the option!

Good luck!

[converseandjeans]

molliscious

This is ridiculous advice for an EBF baby, and hungry baby milk shouldn't be given unless advised by a medical professional anyway.

Why is it ridiculous? The baby is 10 months & presumably on solids too. It's more ridiculous to continue with current set up where baby is possibly still hungry at bedtime & stays awake as a result.

[MintGreenLife]

@morescrummythanyummy that’s really interesting, as it did pop into my head earlier that maybe he’s just accepting the naps, even though he doesn’t really need them. Think maybe we have got day and night out of whack. He has all his naps in the pram, and I push him on our gravel drive to get a good bumpy motion going, and so he always goes to sleep fairly quickly.

No comforter as I tend to follow the safe sleep rules as closely as possible. May try to start introducing one now though x

[morescrummythanyummy]

Really annoying question, as you probably have tried everything, but does he have a comforter? Or a cuddly toy that is loved? If so and you haven't tried it, try introducing that into cuddles at bedtime and routine with less daytime sleep and see if this helps once you step away.

[morescrummythanyummy]

My son has been on one nap a day since 10 months (even at 9, I'd only let him have 10 mins or so as a refresher), then down around midday and up by 2.30. My daughter was the same, but she was easier in that she would actively refuse her morning nap if well rested, whereas my son would still nap in the day if I offered it and then it would spoil his evening sleep.

[MintGreenLife]

Think I’ll try reducing day-time sleep and see what happens, and maybe aim for a slightly earlier bedtime. I do agree that it might be time to start trying to put him down awake, as I’m already ending up absolutely boiling rocking him now it’s getting warmer, plus on the nights we are struggling to get him down, I can end up rocking him on and off for hours and my back is always broken the next day! It’s just tricky as last time we did it it involved lots of tears 😭

[Harrysmummy246]

And, you need to find a way to get him asleep without trying to have to put him down- I didn't sleep train but found that completely impossible especially once the cot was lowered

[AtomicBlondeRose]

10mo was a key time for mine being hungry! I used to give some Weetabix or similar bland, filling thing before bed and that really helped.

[Harrysmummy246]

@MintGreenLife

We do two naps a day, we only recently dropped the third nap. Surely he’s too young to go down to one nap?! He’s also obviously really tired at bedtime…he just fights it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Who says? The average guidelines? Which by the way, are largely made up numbers...

DS was one nap at that age, and my DM likes to remind me I stopped napping all together by that age.

[MintGreenLife]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions! It’s so tricky isn’t it, as something is up but I can’t quite workout what the issue is and how to resolve it. I do think it seems like developmental over teething as so similar to the last regression he had. Something is different, as before we would put him down asleep, he would stir a little and roll onto his side and go back to sleep, whereas now he’s eyes wide open as soon as his back hits the mattress, won’t roll onto his side and starts crying. When I do finally get him down he stays completely still and my hand gets stuck under his back, which hasn’t happened in months - he always rolls onto his side.

He won’t settle in bed with us - I’ve tried multiple times, I wish he would as would make this phases a little easier!

[FruitBadger]

Could be 9 month sleep regression? It's a killer. My eldest skipped it, my youngest did it with a vengeance. I hadn't even realised it was a thing, it was a real curve ball. No real advice, sorry, but it will pass.

[Dramaticpenguin]

I would say stop trying. It might not be the best advice but it gives you your evening back - my now toddler is still breastfed but I work the evenings a week so his dad has to put him down so he just doesn't bother til he can see he's really sleepy. Keeps him with him in the living room til about 9 then he puts him down, lies with him for 10 mins then leaves. And actually at 10 months he often just came in with us. Just remember, it passes. And you can keep feeding as long as you want and he's not likely to be waking because of hunger (though a night feed still normal at 10 months!) Kellymom is an excellent supportive and accurate resource for breastfeeding mums!

[Sbena]

My boy was teething for 2 months, resulting in many sleepless nights all the way through. He would wake constantly through the night, sonetimes at every sleep cycle. At the end of the period he went from 0 to 8 teeth, and he was also fed to sleep. Calpol did nothing. The finished the phase with his 8 month sleep regression.

At first I was feeding every wakeup, but it just wasn't working. We thought he would settle when the tooth came through, but another was imediately on the way. We had been sleep training at the time to stop the feed-to-sleep habit, but the whole time was pretty brutal.

All I can offer is that it's probably tooth pain and/or sleep regression (can happen at 10m). Both of these will pass eventually.

Sorry it's not what you want to hear! The whole two months I kept moaning to my (doctor) sister, who kept repearing that it was a phase and he would get over it.

[MolliciousIntent]

@converseandjeans

Go to one main nap at lunch & see if you can give maybe a top up feed at 10pm of hungry baby milk.

This is ridiculous advice for an EBF baby, and hungry baby milk shouldn't be given unless advised by a medical professional anyway!

[converseandjeans]

Go to one main nap at lunch & see if you can give maybe a top up feed at 10pm of hungry baby milk.

[MolliciousIntent]

@MintGreenLife

We do two naps a day, we only recently dropped the third nap. Surely he’s too young to go down to one nap?! He’s also obviously really tired at bedtime…he just fights it 🤷🏻‍♀️

If he's really tired at bedtime and recently dropped a nap, then try moving bedtime forwards at least 30min if not an hour. Babies can't sleep if they're too tired!

[MintGreenLife]

We do two naps a day, we only recently dropped the third nap. Surely he’s too young to go down to one nap?! He’s also obviously really tired at bedtime…he just fights it 🤷🏻‍♀️

[MolliciousIntent]

Sounds like it's time to drop a nap!