Just an experience I'd like to share.

[Cappuccino17]

Once i was abroad with my husband and 18 month old daughter. Our 1st holiday away. We had booked for 10 days and she was teething practically all the way from day 1. She'd cry non stop I literally felt like crying too as I'd wanted a break and didn't expect this to be a stressful holiday. I gave her calpol which settled her and so she could actually enjoy the holiday too. We did a lot with her day in day out the whole holiday was centred around her. On day 8 we booked a restaurant for a romantic meal. We dressed up and took our daughter with us. We literally just wanted 1 peaceful meal between us with a chat. So we took the ipad along. We made sure she ate first. When our food arrived we put the ipad on and let her watch rhymes. But we couldn't help but notice many families around us staring in disgrace and whispering. They were from other parts of the world but I felt very uncomfortable. 1 lady in particular was glaring and shaking her head at us. When I say staring i mean very obvious staring from many people. I felt so uncomfortable. Like I couldn't relax. When we finished and switched off the ipad which my daughter was so content watching. They stopped staring but loved my daughter and smiled. So it was kind of a happy ending. Still shocks me till today lol.

[dumdumduuuummmmm]

OP apparently some posters never allow their dc to use a screen. I mean surely they are not just talking about at a restaurant. Surely they are not suggesting it is ok to pop the dc in front of a screen at home but not when out because that would make zero logical sense. It would suggest that they think there is some special significance to a table. So they must be never allowing screens at all. Meanwhile in the real world.... Personally, meals at home are pretty quick so of course no screens but if it enabled parents to enjoy a long meal out from time to time then rock on. You said the volume was so low you couldn't hear it. So the judgement tells you more about them

[username39583]

@iminthebath12

Sometimes MN makes me realise that some people are just mental. I'm not talking about you OP...

Agree!

I have done this occasionally OP. The noise of the restaurant with music/people talking drowns out any noise of the iPad. We once went on holiday when my DD was about 18months. She would not sit in her high chair, we gave her toys, books, crayons etc she would throw them on the floor often causing a scene. We had room service almost every night. On the final night DH said he we deserve one meal out. So we took the dreaded iPad and had a lovely meal. If anyone did judge I was too busy having a nice meal to notice .

DD is now 6 and she loves going to cafes with me so it hasn't done her any harm either would you believe!

[clickbaitcow]

I bet these posters 18 month olds probably hold two way conversations at the dinner table, can hold a knife and fork, probably have a wine tasting certificate from Le Cordon Bleu and do paper rounds in the morning to pay for their own meals at the restaurant because they were taught table manners from not having an iPad. But fwiw, any toddler I've come across are like ghouls, especially if they have to spend a long period of time in a high chair they then turn into one. Again, mn is a different universe and the family that gave you the look most likely from that universe judging you for giving an iPad and not the volume. In a restaurant I can't even hear myself talk most of the time. I'm trying to imagine their home life as well. I bet they don't go to the toilet at all or prepare food because god forbid they leave the toddler in front of the tv. By the sounds of it they probably don't work and have nannies, chauffeurs, cleaners and chefs so they can 24/7 talk their child and play with toys all day everyday. No wonder there's so many mh issues today from trying to live up to some superficial expectation of a perfect parent or beat yourself up because some twat doesn't like the way you parent your own child. Do whatever you like, whatever floats your boat as long as your convenience doesn't inconvenience someone else which you've already mentioned you didn't inconvenience someone else.

[LightDrizzle]

Child appropriate, volume governed headphones or no device. It’s not acceptable.

DD2 has learning difficulties amongst other disabilities and disliked hats/ gloves etc. I sat on a promenade bench to get her used to headphones before taking her tablet into enclosed places. I would not inflict Peppa or Old MacDonald on trapped paying diners.
Until she tolerated headphones it was picture books only (lacks motor skills to colour).

[TaraRhu]

I'd have judged you... until I had kids! We do it all the time. Our son is a live wire. You can't get him to sit down nicely or be quiet. He also talks constantly and loudly. We live hundreds of miles from our parents and family and get very little help. Sometimes we just want to go out and have five minutes peace. I feel shit about it sometimes and judged. We never have the volume up and literally play with him all day sometimes before we go out for dinner. Europeans do have a different approach but in my experience (lived in Spain ) are more hands off at other times. For instance they just let them crack on in the playground rather than hover around them.

[clickbaitcow]

Same. Lived in 3 European countries and got told off last summer in my own home country in the Mediterranean for hovering too much and to set the kid free. Little do they know if I didn't hover, there would be looting and riots caused by my little one. Again as a over cautious parent that acknowledges and respects the peace and harmony of my surroundings whether in a restaurant or someone's property, I will either hover or use any means I see fit to avoid disturbing other people to keep my little terror at bay until he learns how to behave like a civilised human being. So it's either that where he gets to practice living in civilisation despite getting judged or lock ourselves at home and never see the light of day until he grows older.

[MangosteenSoda]

I would never assume that a single snapshot of someone’s day is indicative of their every interaction. Sometimes children join in, sometimes it’s nice for them to have downtime and watch rhymes/cartoons/whatever and not have to performatively learn patience and table manners so busybody diners can nod in approval.

Also, one or two bars of sound on an iPad is pretty damn quiet and wouldn’t be audible to spaced out tables in a restaurant with music playing. It’s pretty clear from the responses on this thread that many people are massively judgy at the sheer horror of children looking at anything other than a book or a small toy (unclear about the acceptability of medium to large toys), so I think you would have been getting glared at regardless.

[hoomaeyy]

I had to do this when my Daughter was about the same age up until about 2-3 years old because she just would not sit still & would whinge and we wouldn't be able to finish a coffee let alone anything else.

You've got to do what you've got to do! I felt like the worlds worst Mum the first few times but after that I stopped caring. People have either forgotten how hard it is with a baby or just incredibly judgmental.

Either way - Fuck them x

[CuriousCatfish]

I think it's fine. Ignore the perfect parents of MN.

[BendingSpoons]

We were on holiday with our DD when she was around 2. Another guest was worried talking to us. Her husband translated that she was worried we were giving DD baked beans with her breakfast. It was concern, not judgement but quite random to us!

[00100001]

@JudgeRindersMinder

What’s wrong with a book or small toy? Why does it have to be a screen for a baby?

Because a small toy doesn't keep them interested or quiet for that long. So adults have to work a it harder to keep them from climbing the walls.

Where as an iPad will zone them out for ever basically.



Not saying which is the "right" solution.
Just saying why the iPad may sometimes be chosen over a small toy.

[Runorsleep]

I wouldn’t judge you whatsoever. I also cringe a little bit with the “in Europe…” , we are in Ireland and from day one we eat together at the table, we also spend loads of time a year in Central Europe and also expect our kids to sit at the table. I don’t like screens at tables but don’t care what other people do. However at 18 months none of ours would have lasted more than 20 mins at a table as they were all hugely physical and nope it doesn’t make any difference how much we engaged with them or how strict we were they would constantly try and climb down or walk off, constantly…..
I’ve never had pudding type kids that would just sit for ages. So I’m sure we got judged for having to take our kids out of restaurants or them not being able to sit that long, if we restrained them in a seat they would have screamed the place down so that also wasn’t an option. They are older now (still all under 11) and we still always go abroad as family live them and yes they’ll sit but not for a two/three hour meal. I’ve never seen the kids running around restaurant thing in Spain and France regarded as a good thing by the general public anywhere. I much prefer seeing kids active and happily running around than in front of screens but plp on mn expect kids to be like adults and sit still for hours , which I think is always a bit odd for small children as for a lot that physically impossible…. Basically parents can’t win. We still take our kids out for meals , they love food and will eat everything but it isn’t a long leisurely one.

[00100001]

@AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair

Are you easily shocked? Prepare to be blown away then, I and millions of other parents managed perfectly well before iPads and other portable screens were invented, I'm certainly not the only person never to have done this, that's for sure

Millions of people coped perfectly well with out a washing machine and hand cleaned all their clothes ... So, if you could just unplug your washing machine,and crack on with doing it in the sink from now on, im sure you'll manage perfectly well.

No need to be a martyr about things. My son is 19, we didn't have iPads either as they weren't really prevalent when he was a wee one. But I'd probably use them from time to time if I had a toddler now and the situation was appropriate.

[rattlemehearties]

@Cappuccino17

Do people never ever do this when out? Just for a break? We did it once on our full holiday so for us we didn't even feel bad in the least as we know how much attention my daughter gets from us in the bigger picture.

I've been a parent nearly 10 years (more than one child) and no, we've never done it.

You actively made the decision to hand over an iPad in public in a nice restaurant (with the sound on!) so own that decision. Don't try and justify it by saying "everyone does it" - no we don't! If I wanted a nice quiet romantic meal out as a couple, I'd wait until I had babysitting. Otherwise it's an opportunity to teach the child how to behave appropriately in a restaurant setting.

[Indoctro]

I've a 5 and 7 year old and to be honest it's my absolute pet hate seeing kids sat on screens in restaurants

When my kids were in that difficult stage 18th that's to about 4.5 years old we simply didn't eat in anywhere but restaurants aimed at family's like Pizza Hut etc

Or buffets where the delivery of food is quick so kids can't get bored.

I hate seeing kids staring at screens. I think if you desperately need to keep your kid quiet don't go to that establishment. Go somewhere you can interact with the kids and if they noisy it doesn't matter.

[Change123today]

Weve used a mixture of activities during meals out - from colouring to uno to the iPad. Obviously when food arrived all switched off and time to eat :)
I don’t judge EXCEPT when the sound is on trying to eat a meal when the table next to us is blearing out pepper pink theme tune drove us mad recently, and it does seem to be happening more often! Regardless of whether the restaurant has loud music or not you can still hear it!

[TiredEyes1991]

I’ll be honest - I HATE seeing families out for dinner with the kids/babies sat in front of a phone or iPad, whether the sound is on or off makes no difference. Meal time is family time in my eyes. You shouldn’t need a screen to occupy your child, we all grew up without a screen at dinner time so I don’t see why parents do it now?

I have a baby who isn’t even 1 years old. We go out for food but obviously we only go places where it’s fairly loud/casual so it won’t matter if the baby makes noise. Romantic dinners are out of the question unless you have a baby sitter. We just find other ‘romantic’ things to do

[Runorsleep]

Like I said, we don’t use screens at the table but do people going on about the “more relaxed attitude “ towards children abroad notice children running around restaurants? Would that bother you? It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest or noise but I guess others would judge that too… Maybe people from the uk are more worried about bothering other plp or are v self conscious.
I have spend loads of time in France and it’s the one country I have noticed parents hitting their kids in public , I’ve seen this several times there. Of course it’s a massive minority but I hate the frequent attitude of “other countries are so much better at parenting , look at Scandinavia , France “etc etc . The French are actually v v lucky with their education and childcare support, school everyday until 4pm, school meals served so kids all eat together, loads of childcare provision , parents imho actually have an easier life there than in the UK and Ireland so maybe they are relaxed for good reasons !!

[Hermione101]

We’ve never done it. And sound in a restaurant or other public place is intolerable.

[Cinnabomb]

@TiredEyes1991 wait until your baby is older - an energetic toddler- before you judge. It’s easy to keep a 1 year old in a high chair, a 2 year old not so much.

To those saying just avoid ‘nice’ restaurants and go to Pizza Hut until they are old enough, why? This is such a ridiculous notion as long as it’s not disturbing other diners (ours is always on silent). Why can’t parents use an iPad to facilitate an hour of ‘adult time’ once a month? My DD gets high quality input pretty much constantly, I’m a SAHM, she is taken to the park, swimming, read to daily etc. home meals at the family table, cooked from scratch. Why is an iPad for 1 hour once a month really an issue? Those saying meals are family time, please clarify why for 1/30 dinners (and we have breakfast and lunch together too- so really 1/90 meals) is bad parenting?! Why is it worse for the child than having them sat in front of the tv at home by a babysitter?

it makes me angry because it’s something that is given so much flack relative to other issues but logically most people with toddlers are usually only eating out on special occasions- so just let them enjoy it and back off!

just to clarify this is for those saying it’s bad parenting to the child, at no point should it effect the other diners, which we don’t allow.

[Cappuccino17]

@cinnabomb very true.

[artificialheart]

So many rigid parents who would rather be seen dead than accept a little help from the technology department every once in a while. If your child has no interest then good for you but there are many toddlers who simply won't sit down with any amount of colouring books and toys and screen time is the only way to distract them. Flexible stress free parents who enjoy a meal together not giving a rats ass about what others think of their entertainment/parenting choices live a far more happier life and age more graciously than those who bust their asses off trying to please some pearl clutching nobodies. Equally, the stress free flexible parents don't bring up miserable children to grow up being judging bullies either or rebelling against their parents because they've had enough of it. Keep the volume down, teach them to be considerate. I never had a iPad growing up but I never remember going to a restaurant until I was way older. It was picnics and bbq. We did have a tv though and used to watch cartoons whilst eating breakfast before going to school in the mornings but in the evenings, we would sit at the dinner table as a family. We also used to go to bed at 9/10pm but play out until 7pm/8pm and then bathtime, story time and bed. I had a pretty awesome childhood tbh. Been to many places, slept at weddings as it went through to the early hours. My parents had fun with us and so did we and never restricted us and did everything in moderation and we never restricted their lifestyle. Our neighbours kids who used to wave at us from their bedroom window at 5pm on a hot summers day being forced to go to bed are now the most complicated adults as we still hear about their shenanigans by our parents who still live there.

[00100001]

@Hermione101

We’ve never done it. And sound in a restaurant or other public place is intolerable.

It's been made very clear the sound was low and you couldn't hear it at the next table over all the talking

[00100001]

@TiredEyes1991

I’ll be honest - I HATE seeing families out for dinner with the kids/babies sat in front of a phone or iPad, whether the sound is on or off makes no difference. Meal time is family time in my eyes. You shouldn’t need a screen to occupy your child, we all grew up without a screen at dinner time so I don’t see why parents do it now?

I have a baby who isn’t even 1 years old. We go out for food but obviously we only go places where it’s fairly loud/casual so it won’t matter if the baby makes noise. Romantic dinners are out of the question unless you have a baby sitter. We just find other ‘romantic’ things to do

Ha ha, come back in two years and let us know if your toddler sits happily and quietly in a high chair for the entire time.

[110APiccadilly]

Do people never ever do this when out?

Personally, no. DD, also 18 months, doesn't get screens, except once a week when we do a video call with my in-laws. We had a family wedding recently and I just took books, colouring, stickers, etc to keep her happy with, and when she was finally starting to get fed up DH took her off for a walk, then I played with her in a quiet corner for a bit. It genuinely never crossed my mind to give her a phone or tablet.

I actually don't think it does harm to have a small amount of screentime fairly young. But what I have observed with friends' kids is that once you start they're always pestering for more and more screentime and it rapidly becomes a battle. I'd rather put that off as long as reasonable. So, for me, it's actually because I'm a lazy parent who doesn't want a constant battle that I don't do screens!