struggling to cope

[jobekal]

i am pregnant with fourth baby and have a 7 month old who doesn't sleep well, a year old, a nearly 3 year old whose behaviour is awful. I am finding ot such hard work. I always want someone with me and have started to panic at the thought of being alone for just an hour with them all

[LadyOfTheCauliFlowers]

If it started before you could have pre-natal depression.
I had prenatal depression with DS1 which then turned into awful PND after his birth. He was very ill when he was born and had to stay in hosp. for the first 2 weeks which apparently contributed to it.

Have you looked who is local to you on here?

There may be another MN'er close by who is also looking for a friend who would like to meet up?

If I was you, I know it's crap, but I would really try at the groups to make some friends, even if it is just to talk to while you are at the group.
Also, call the surgery and see if you can get a different health visitor, if not change surgeries. I had a lovely HV and could not have got by without her.

Initially though, the first thing you need to do is sort you marriage out.
Your DH has no right to emotionally abuse you and things willonly get much worse if you let him.
You should suggest some 'Relate' style counselling and see what his reaction to it is.
Ask him if he thinks the way he speaks to you, treats you is okay.
My DH can sometimes get a bit nasty when his diabetes goes a bit nuts as it has a major affect on his moods/behaviour and he usually does not know he is acting off until I tell him.
If he continues, I tell him it is not on and I won't stand for it.
Keep talking on here at the very least.

[iheartdusty]

this is the address for homestart

homestart

What area do you live in jobekal? Maybe someone on MN knows a friendly group to try.

[jobekal]

just realised i put a year old in my first message that should be a 4 year old!

7 months, almost 3 years and 4 years

[jobekal]

he is very controlling when he is around i am unhappy although he is emotionally very abusive to me, he is good with the children and they think the world of him

have just seen my health visitor once since i registered at that practice and she wasnt very friendly so hard toi talk but she asked if i was depressed, i assumed she was talking about PND which this isnt as it started before the birth (I have just been like this since i moved house as i hate living here) but i did tell her i was feeling really low and fed up and isolated, she said i need to start building up some contacts here like i had before but i have tried and without wanting toseem prejudiced and theres nothing realy wrong with the people here, i just don't feel i can build a relationship with any of them.

The groups and children centres here are not my cup pf tea, although i do still go.

The HV suggested chatting to mums at my eldest ones nursery but again that doesn't seem right. Anyway i am taking her out of that nursery as have had a lot of concerns about it. My nearly 3 year old has her name down for nursery but its the same one nd she wouldnt be able to start nursery til after easter apparently

[LadyOfTheCauliFlowers]

I have 14m between my 2 and may be preg. again with DC3 and sometimes feel outnumbered with 2 so things muct get quite overwhelming for you.
Sorry if my previous post came across rough, it was not intended to.

[LadyOfTheCauliFlowers]

You and your nubby hate each other but you are having another baby?

Have you been to the doc to check you are not duffering depression? I know there is not much they can do till you have had this baby though.
No toddler groups you could go to with them?

[GooseyLoosey]

Have only 2 dcs with 15 month age gap and sympathise. For a long time I was terrified at being left on my own with them even for 5 mins and would sieze every opportunity for someone else to be there.

Can you work on your relationship with dh so you can have someone who will help you out? Dh was little help with ds but I told him that I could not cope alone with dd and would go nuts without more support. He had not realised how hard it had been for me.

I can only imagine how hard 4 children would be, but for me part of the solution was to pretend that I enjoyed it and was calm and then after a while I found the pretence became real.

[iheartdusty]

have you spoken to your health visitor to see if you can get help from Homestart or Suretstart? Will your nearly 3 year old be able to go to a nursery, when s/he is 3 s/he will get free sessions if cost is an issue.

[jobekal]

i don't have any friends, family, have had nobody since i moved hosue except husband and we hate each other

[Swedes2Turnips1]

Pregnancy can be hard going, especially at the beginning when that awful tiredness hits. Can your DH/DP take a week off work for you to have a bit of a rest? Have you got a mother/sister/aunt/best friend who might take them sll or one or two off your hands for a couple of hours or even for a night or two?

Congratulations btw