you v your parents

[Yorkshabird21x]

dont know if this is the right place to put this and sorry if i word this wrong but here goes-
do you ever feel asthough you need to parent your child/ren as your parents did you? or do you try your hardest not to? im one of those that is trying my best not to be like my mum and just wondered about other people x

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

HHHOW Tell her to pay then.

[Yorkshabird21x]

im always trying my hardest not to be like the woman that gave birth to me (i dont call her mum, or mother, as she has never been to me) she hates my guts and i hers and never ever want that to happen between my dd and i. i wouldnt send her to her room for hour upon hour or make her do the weekly family shop on her own at 12years old and have to come back with everything on the list wether i had enough money or not. jeez i best stop there

[HoHoHoOfWalsall]

I try my best to parent nothing like my mum, but sometimes I feel I should do better in some areas and fail - she always goads me about not being able to afford private school like she could

[witchandchips]

weird; instinctive things like cuddling, talking, reading, playing v like my mum but things like routines, food, boundries, dicispline, actual amount of attention (you were happy in your playpen for hours darling!) is very different

[chipmonkey]

I end up parenting like my Mum, whether I like it or not! By and large, she did fine anyway.
MIL and I are on different planets, though!

[GooseyLoosey]

Yes - I do try and parent in some ways like my mother. She was a good mother and I worry constantly that I am not.

I do feel pressure when she is around to do things in a way that she would approve of and sometimes I find myself doing things that I would not normally do just for her benefit. I realise this is worng but cannot seem to help myself.

[NAB3littlemonkeys]

Well, I have kept my kids so I am doing the complete opposite of my parents and am not a bit like them. Thank God.

[oneplusone]

I consciously and deliberately try and do the opposite of my parents, especially my mum, she didn't like me and made it obvious and she favoured my two younger sisters and i grew up feeling very alone and left out. I would never ever treat my DC's that way and make sure they know I love and adore them both.

[Acinonyx]

I really want things to be different. But even so - there are somethings that I will copy.

[DarthVader]

I try too hard not to do the things my parents got wrong

Not hard enough to do the things they got right - which was most of it really!

Perhaps that is human nature?

[scattyspice]

Hi yorksha!

Having kids really makes you think about your own upbringing doesn't it?

I probably do both. Some of what mine did was great, some less good.
I do understand that they thought they were doing the right thing most of the time. My mum says she fed me accoring to a timetable (ie not demand feeding) and would leave me to cry so as not to 'spoil' me. I find it hard to understand how she could bare to do this, but understand that she did it in my interest.

This has made me question some of the current parenting 'techniques' (controlled crying , naughty step etc).

I try to do what feels right and constantly review my ideas depending on how my children seem.

I don't think any one ever gets it totally 'right'.

[NineUnlovelyTinselDecorations]

There are some areas I agree with my mum's parenting, but in the main I fall into the 'over my dead body camp'. To be fair, I think some of her parenting was just the norm in the 1970s, but things have moved on and I don't agree with it now.

[Kathyis6incheshigh]

There's not a lot I'm doing differently. I wouldn't say I feel I need to do it like them, but I mostly come to the same conclusions about the best way to proceed.