I'm really not okay. I've had a complete breakdown it feels like I can't even open my eyes they're so swollen from the crying. My daughter was born at 37+4 after a long, exhausting and traumatising induction process due to a series of reduced movements. My daughter was born via emergency forceps delivery after an hour of pushing. I wasn't having contractions so she was yanked out as a she was so low and a c section wouldn't have been quick enough apparently, however the cord was wrapped very tightly around her neck and they spent 15 minutes trying to revive her before whisking her off to NICU.
She is currently ventilated, sedated and going through a 3 day 'cooling period' before they can warm her up again in a couple of days and try and address her state.
It's killing me because when they say she is doing well, they really only mean that she's not showing any concerning abnormalities at that moment in time whilst she's so sedated. There's absolutely no idea in seeing how her life is going to be impacted until we get the results back from her MRI. Which they won't do until she's 7 days old, and they can take a couple of weeks to come back. Brains are so complicated that it could be she's got some sort of damage which initially might not seem that severe and when she comes out of her cooling period and off the ventilator she may even be able to start feeding, crying, putting on weight and go to the toilet etc, doing things a baby would, and if that's the case we can take her home, but it won't indicate what any long term damage may look like her for (assuming of course she will have some, I know there's every chance she could make a full recovery and have a normal life), so that's what the MRI results will tell us.
I'm so terrified she's going to get warmed up and just suddenly not cope and go downhill and have to be ventilated again, or that she's going to show positive signs and then we get the results back and it turns out she's going to be a very poorly child needing so much help and not being able to live a normal life.
I know there's so many variables and outcomes to this, but my mind is racing and my heart is broken. I feel like the shock has worn off a bit and I'm realising that I'm without my baby, and I just can't take it. I've not even held her and she's nearly 48 hours.
I don't know what I expect from this post, but I'm hoping for some support and words of encouragement.
Thank you for reading x
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*Trigger Warning* Poorly baby, long post
ELBlack · 08/09/2021 05:48
Wonderful update, thank you so much.
for you and your lovely family.
Op I'm just delighted to read your update.
It sounds like everything is going pretty smoothly after a really rough start for you all.
Enjoy your little girl
@ELBlack I'm so pleased to hear that the re-warming went well! We were in your shoes 7 months ago. Our son was born by emergency c-section under GA after I had a placental abruption.
Those first few days and weeks were so incredibly hard. I sometimes wonder how we got through them. The 'wait and see' thing can be all consuming.
Don't expect the MRI to tell you too much as they aren't a very good indicator of prognosis. Very bad MRI results can still come from unaffected children and severely affected children can have normal looking MRIs. It's so helpful 
There is a Facebook group for parents of children with HIE. I found it incredibly useful as a place to share my thoughts and ask my questions in those first few months. I would happily send you an invite.
Thinking of you xx
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I'm almost in tears reading your update. Best wishes for you and your wonderful DD. 
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