Please help me with my 3.5yr old DS and his refusal to walk

[Spagblog]

My DS has always been a stubborn mule, but lately he has been a total nightmare. He shouts, hits and tells everyone that they are stupid.

Biggest problem atm is his donkey-like refusal to walk when he doesn't want to.

He demands a "hug" which means that he wants to be carried.
He expects you to walk back to where he is and pick him up. He will not walk to you.

He doesn't want to walk around town and instead sinks down to the floor, arms folded and angrily shouts "hug!" at you.

Nothing seems to work and it is driving me and my DH insane.

You can't cajole him, bribe him, threaten him, etc etc.
He screams if you pick him up the wrong way and I am sick to death of giving in to him for the sake of needing to get home.

I need professional help.

[handlemecarefully]

In fact, lol, reading your description of your ds again I would say that he is my ds' twin!

[handlemecarefully]

I posted almost exact same thread Spag, a couple of months back.

Can you incorporate a short walk into your daily routine? My experience is this will gradually wear him down.

I can't walk all the way to dd's school (it's over 2 miles along roads without pavements) but I make a point of parking a third of a mile away from school (where there are pavements) and walk with dd and ds.

For 8 or 9 weeks (and this was for 5 days per week) I had the exact same scenario that you described. Ds would be okay on the short walk to school (whilst dd was walking with him, racing him etc), but on the way back a 5 minute walk took 20 minutes with lots of vocal complaining and physical dragging of heels....and then, about 2 weeks ago it stopped! I figure ds has realised that come what may he is going to be made to walk and has finally given in...

I can't say it was a picnic though. Whilst the battle of wills lasted it was mind crushingly draining!

[frumpygrumpy]

Either way, try to make it fun. Our kids are fabulous and sometimes we should just let them have a moment and give in to it. A buggy won't make a habit for life. Let them have their say sometimes, its come and go and you ultimately want a happy time not a power struggle.

[frumpygrumpy]

chuck him in a buggy, he might decide he hates it, especially if he has to wear a harness

[Spagblog]

DH thinks he is too old for buggy which we only use if there is a long long walk.

I am considering getting a lightweight umbrella style one and forcing him to sit in it.

Nanny L - we are a stubborn as each other and have had a 10 minute stand off this week, at the end of which I had to go and pick him up and carry the screaming monster like a rugby ball in order to pick DD up.

I just can't wait it out sometimes as I have time constraints.

Is this behaviour normal? Ought I speak to my HV?

[tassisssss]

i was like you nannyL - never ever carried. was quite happy to push an empty stroller and let him walk for as long as he'd manage.

SpagBlog - 2 things that helped us a bit were letting him push a stroller (the ELC one is £6 and they have a blue version - well worth it)...if he gave up he could go in my buggy and the wee stroller would hold up and go on the handles or underneath...the other thing was letting him go on his scooter (which he loved) and then I oculd hang it on the handles if/when he gave up.

[stripeymama]

DD did this at about 3.5.

God it was awful. Found myself sat on the pavement having a rollie while she screamed blue murder way too often.It just got embarrassing - especially the trick she found of sitting down and wrapping herself round the nearest bollard/lamppost. I'd be there trying to peel her off and she'd be bellowing like a bloody buffalo that I was a horrible mummy and hurting her etc etc.

Luckily she grew out of it over about six months. She's now 4.7 and still goes in the pushchair occasionally if she's ill or very tired, and I don't mind too much. Its better (for my figure!) than driving her around.

[frogs]

Buy one of those wooden pedal-less bikes. Did the trick for my walking-refusenik dd2, who used all of your ds's tricks and then some. She now whizzes everywhere, including to ds's school which is 3/4 mile uphill. And is so happy to be independent that she's actually very responsible about stopping at the corners.

[frumpygrumpy]

Its funny isn't it.......I adored carrying my DD1 and hated using a buggy. When I had twins that was taken away and I never had the pleasure of carrying them with me anywhere. I missed it terribly. Not now they are over 3 though

[nannyL]

unless they actually fall over and really hirt themselves i will never carry children....

they can walk or go in buggy...

once YOU decide that you will not carry him, and he relaises you mean it he will very soon learn to walk...

they can drag themsleves along hanging as i hold their hands if they are having a strop but they very soon learn its more comfortable for them to get up and walk...

ofcourse bribary can help along the way...

my charge si 2 years 2 months and has almost given up his buggy completley he walks everywhere and i never carry him!

also you say he wont come to you..... he will you just have to be even mroe stubborn.... at the moment he knows you will go to him.... you need to stop doing that so he realsies he has to come to you

[frumpygrumpy]

Why are buggies a no no at 3.5? My DTs are 3 and I walk my DD1 to school, its miles too far for them to manage and it would take decades to get there if I didn't shove them in a buggy.

[frumpygrumpy]

Then you have to work harder to make it fun. Never give the minstrel before the point. But tickle out the bad mood, act daft, run around him in circles counting down before you kiss him senseless, pick him up and waft the minstrel under his nose saying "smell it, smell it, you want it, it wants you, listen its shouting EAT ME EAT ME EAT ME"

Its all a PITA and its hard, hard work but it will pay off and you won't have to lark about the streets forever. Beats the whingeing.

[tassisssss]

know not now

[tassisssss]

(i now it's considered a huge sin on here, but i used a buggy at 3.5. ds was a hopeless walker. at 4.5 he's FANTASTIC!)

[cluelessnchaos]

yeah mine too, but he notices he wants a cuddle when the pace picks up, on the way to school he will moan to be carried the whole way, when the girls are there to run back with he just belts along.

[Spagblog]

Tried that once and it worked until he staged a sit in protest because he wanted a sweet before we reached the goalpost.

I might keep that as a last resort though

[frumpygrumpy]

he's learning walking = bad time

he needs to learn walking = fun thing along the way somewhere

[Spagblog]

Its not because he is tired, it is because he wants to be carried.

[frumpygrumpy]

1. limit the walking
2. when you have to walk, bribery

"if you walk to that lampost you can have a minstrel"

heaps of praise and a minstrel

"lets see if you can run to the next gate before me, if you win, I'll give you a minstrel"

loads of shouting and laughing and arsing about, he wins, he gets the minstrel

"I'm knackered shall we walk to the next bit and have a couple more minstrels"

happy times

Later, you can fix the chocolate addiction.

[cluelessnchaos]

yes sit down until he is ready, and when he is starting to tire slow the pace right down, just keep him walking. Am noone to talk though I have shoulders of steel from carting ds about.

[Spagblog]

Do you think I should join him in his sit in protest?

I might do it, but I doubt DH would

[SpacePuppy]

All my sympathy, buy a folding camping chair and carry it with you and every time he pulls a "hug" on you, unfold your chair and sit down and wait for him to catch up, take a magazine too