I don't know if this is bad or not

[Unknown69]

I don't know if this is bad or not ....

So I had a child a few month ago it was completely unexpected and I've never wanted children but loving him as soon as I met him.
The problem is my bf he was fine the first month but then went back to work and would go straight to my friends house when he got back from work didn't even come in the house then would stay for hours and come back to eat then go back again and wouldn't come back till about 9-10 pm I would probably see him about 20 mins to an hour each day is this bad or am I just over reacting ????
It just makes me feel so alone I'm in all day with no one, I have no one to talk to, he hardly replies then when ever he decides to come back we talk for a few minutes and he falls asleep it just makes me feel like I'm not good enough like why are you never here I've just had your baby, isn't it normal to want to be around the mother of your child or your actual child

[crazychemist]

OP, you're in a very worrying situation. It sounds like this man targets vulnerable people!

You haven't mentioned how many mothers there are to his other 4 children when PP have asked you - is this a serial thing that he does? I'm really sorry to hear that your parents have died, that must be very difficult for you.

You really need some proper professional advice on housing, I'm afraid I just don't know very much about it. You are in a terribly vulnerable position - a man who clearly doesn't care much about you and chooses to spend his time elsewhere is your only financial support. Are there any benefits that you are eligible for? I'm not sure how likely you are to get council housing (most areas have a waiting list and criteria to meet) but I think you at least need to look into this - this man could make you homeless any time he wants to!

Do you have any friends that you will be able to call on at short notice if it comes to it? Or relatives?

[lilmishap]

"There's this Thirty year old man round my vulnerable teenage friends house all the time, his Mrs just had his baby and he's already got 4 other kids but he's spending every minute round my 17 year old friends"
What would you honestly think- How kind of him to leave his Mrs and baby alone to help a vulnerable teen? OR someone should check if he's on the Sex offenders list?

You've had a baby, live together but you're alone all the time, because he's 'helping' a teenage girl how lovely of your bf to be so concerned about your mate that he's prepared to sacrifice your special time with your family. How kind of him to leave you miserable for a 'friend' you also looked out for. So she must be vulnerable?
Maybe she could occasionally show a bit of concern for you? she could spend her time in the house you live in, with you and your BF offering her the 'support' she apparently needs.


No it isn't normal. No she won't be the last 'vulnerable teen' he decides to groom befriend. Sadly I doubt you'll be the last to end up stuck alone at home with his baby

[cataline]

She is not your friend.

He is a horrible person and I'm afraid to say neither of them give two shits about your or your baby.

You need to make a plan to get away from them or this will be your sad life for the next 20 years.

[Unknown69]

[quote lilmishap]@Unknown69 are you really 27? I can't believe a 27yr old calls a 17 yr old a friend of 5 years either.

Your post gives the impression that this bloke is taking advantage of younger vulnerable women, how recently had your parents died when you met him?[/quote]
Yes I call her a friend because I look out for her she's my cousins friend who's her age

[lilmishap]

OP this is very simple, did your dad spend all day every day at another woman's house?

Your 'lesbian' mate is only 17, it's very common for teens to change their minds about being Lesbian and he's Thirty, he has money and he is giving her all his time and attention. She's also spending all of her spare time with him.

I would expect to be homeless soon if your name is not on anything, he's made his choice.

He hasn't chosen you and baby. I'm sorry

[lilmishap]

@Unknown69 are you really 27? I can't believe a 27yr old calls a 17 yr old a friend of 5 years either.

Your post gives the impression that this bloke is taking advantage of younger vulnerable women, how recently had your parents died when you met him?

[SBTLove]

Where did you live a year ago before you met him? did you work?
Contact your local council and apply for housing, apply for UC, stop being hopeless and negative, you lived without him for 26 years

[Iminaglasscaseofemotion]

Youre 27 so you met this girl when she was 12 and you were 22, and your 30 year old bf , father of 5 (wonder how many he sees or pays for) spends all his time with this girl? Really?

[Unknown69]

@SBTLove

Please don’t think you only have him because realistically you don’t have a partner or a relationship.
If it’s not your house, make plans to leave, where did you live before you met him?
There’s no need to stay with him or any man.

With my parents but they died so I don't have anyone anymore

[SBTLove]

Please don’t think you only have him because realistically you don’t have a partner or a relationship.
If it’s not your house, make plans to leave, where did you live before you met him?
There’s no need to stay with him or any man.

[Unknown69]

@SBTLove

OP, are you really 27? I’m struggling to understand how you even have to question this and why you are tolerating it.

Because if I leave I have no where to live I have no money and only him

[Angelina82]

I only ask if it's bad because I know they are friends or if I'm just thinking more into it and a few months I didn't know i was pregnant.

He’s allowed to have friends (male and/or female) but he’s not allowed to spend every bit of spare time he has with them, leaving you holding the baby and using you for food and shelter. I’m shocked that you’re 27 and are questioning if that’s ok. He is using you so badly. Tell the piss taking twat to do one. You don’t need him.

[SBTLove]

OP, are you really 27? I’m struggling to understand how you even have to question this and why you are tolerating it.

[Tempusfudgeit]

Reread your original question OP. If you don't know whether this situation is bad or not then you have a lot of learning and growing to do. Reach out to a trusted older person (parent?) and have a very long talk. Not one person on this board is going to say this is a healthy relationship/situation. Take control of your life and stop being a victim. You're 27 and responsible for the development of another person. Good luck.

[roadsurvey]

I've known her for 5 years and him for 1

Is he your babies dad? You say you had a baby a few months ago?

[Unknown69]

@haveyoutriedgoogle

Gee. Your 30 year old boyfriend, who already has 4 children, is spending all his time with a 17 year old girl, and you’re asking if this is normal 🤨
Probably wasn’t going to end well with a 30 year old and four children. How many different mothers?

I only ask if it's bad because I know they are friends or if I'm just thinking more into it and a few months I didn't know i was pregnant

[haveyoutriedgoogle]

Also, how long were you together before you fell pregnant if you’ve only known him a year?

[haveyoutriedgoogle]

Gee. Your 30 year old boyfriend, who already has 4 children, is spending all his time with a 17 year old girl, and you’re asking if this is normal 🤨
Probably wasn’t going to end well with a 30 year old and four children. How many different mothers?

[SBTLove]

What would you say if this was a friend telling you this?
He’s not your bf and she isn’t your friend.
If it’s your house, pack his stuff and change the locks, he’s a waste of space, I’ll take it as a given he doesn’t bother with his other kids.

[Unknown69]

@Tacca

I am very sorry, it must be very difficult having just had a baby for your BF to act this way. Unfortunately some men just run away from responsibility and commitment.

It must be a horrendous time for you and whilst everyone on here is being very harsh, they are also correct. We sometimes forget how hard it is to see clearly when we love someone.

Unless you know from another source that she is a lesbian, then that is probably just an excuse they used to stop you suspecting anything.

Even if it was just a friend, which I would be very surprised about. Not being there for your gf and your new baby is completely out of order.

First off tell him if he is going to spend every day at his "friends" when he has a new baby, he can stay there. You have to be very firm and give him an ultimatum. He will probably run a mile but trust me it is better to find out now than drag it out for a year, as heartbreaking as it may seem.

If he leaves know that you will be fine and he is the one that will lose out. He will never get those memories that he will miss out on with you and his baby.

I know she is a lesbian I've known her for 5 years and him for 1 they only met a few months ago and he says he's just trying to help her out because she's not doing good

[Unknown69]

@Angelina82

Your 30yr old bf would rather hang out with a 17yr old than his baby and it’s mother?!!! What does he do with her? Gaming? Whatever he needs to grow the fuck up and face up to his responsibilities! Does he even see his other children? Does he doss at yours live with you? How old are you OP? I’m guessing quite young if you’re having to question if the way this selfish manchild is behaving is bad or not?

I'm 27

[Tacca]

I am very sorry, it must be very difficult having just had a baby for your BF to act this way. Unfortunately some men just run away from responsibility and commitment.

It must be a horrendous time for you and whilst everyone on here is being very harsh, they are also correct. We sometimes forget how hard it is to see clearly when we love someone.

Unless you know from another source that she is a lesbian, then that is probably just an excuse they used to stop you suspecting anything.

Even if it was just a friend, which I would be very surprised about. Not being there for your gf and your new baby is completely out of order.

First off tell him if he is going to spend every day at his "friends" when he has a new baby, he can stay there. You have to be very firm and give him an ultimatum. He will probably run a mile but trust me it is better to find out now than drag it out for a year, as heartbreaking as it may seem.

If he leaves know that you will be fine and he is the one that will lose out. He will never get those memories that he will miss out on with you and his baby.

[lilmishap]

How does he treat his other children?

[crazychemist]

Your 30yo bf is spending all his time hanging out with a 17yo girl. I’m afraid you’re basically not in a relationship with him. It sounds like he didn’t want the child, so can’t be bothered with you or it.

What do you get out of this “relationship”? He obviously isn’t fussed about spending time with you, romantically or otherwise. He comes home to eat and go to sleep - he’s bored of this relationship. Is this the life you want? Eventually he’s going to leave, you must know that deep down.

[Angelina82]

Your 30yr old bf would rather hang out with a 17yr old than his baby and it’s mother?!!! What does he do with her? Gaming? Whatever he needs to grow the fuck up and face up to his responsibilities! Does he even see his other children? Does he doss at yours live with you? How old are you OP? I’m guessing quite young if you’re having to question if the way this selfish manchild is behaving is bad or not?