expecting new baby and 2.5 yr old dd demanding attention and crying all the time. Any tips?

[LiliAnjelika]

I'm expecting a new baby in a fortnight and my two and half year old has started behaving very uncharacteristically - crying all the time, demanding to be picked up etc. We have tried to include her as much as possible in the new baby thing but I'm not sure if it's backfiring. To complicate matters further, she has just started pre-school three mornings a week (for 2.5 hrs) and whilst she seems to be mostly enjoying it, I do wonder if it's adding to the trauma. She has never been in childcare before.

My dh says I am indulging her too much and seems confident that she will cope. He gets very annoyed with me but I feel that she needs the support and reassurance at the moment.

Any tips?

[kiskidee]

It is a normal thing for 2yos to get 'clingy'. I have a dd the same age. She has previously always been very confident but is now a different child. My own reasoning is that it comes with their growing understanding of complex social interaction. no, you are not overindulging you dd. when a need is met it goes away.

[thegardener]

Would it help cuttimg childcare down to just an hour then building it up?

Will be watching for tips myself as only have one child at the moment.

[LiliAnjelika]

Thanks for the reassurance. I have considered cutting down nursery hours but at the same time I feel that I'm going to really need those few hours when the baby comes - and she really does seem to enjoy it most of the time. The other complication is that my partner works away all week and I think I'll go nuts if I have two babies to cope with 24/7.

[Beachcomber]

My DD1 was two and a half when her sister was born. We has some difficult moments in the first few months but now things are great.

Sounds like your DD is behaving just like mine did, uncharacteristically, as you say.
I found my eldest was very 'demanding' for a while, she needed lots of love and reassurance and she made that known by being clingy, difficult, babyish and naughty. I think you are wise to 'indulge' your child, she is only little and is telling you in the only way she knows how that she needs you and that she is anxious.

I found, whenever my DD played up, the best way of dealing with it was with lots of cuddles and constant reassurances of how much we loved her. I used to tell her that now she had a sister we loved her even more as we loved her for being a wonderful big sister as well as being our daughter. I also used to tell her that she would always be my baby even when she was a grown up and had babies of her own. She seemed to like hearing these things and would ask me to repeat them.

My DD started preschool just after the baby was born and although sometimes it was hard for her I think at the same time she enjoyed having something of her own that was nothing to do with the baby. I tried sometimes to drop her off/pick her up by myself (not with the baby in my arms) when I had my mum or dad to visit.

My DH often said to me that I was soft on her but I KNOW that what I did was right.

Good luck with everything. I so love seeing my two together now, they giggle away together and love each other so much (still fight over toys mind you).

[kiskidee]

With your partner being away during the week, I highly recommend getting a wrap sling like a moby or a hugabub. bigmamaslings sells both. You should find it supremely useful when also having a toddler. here is someone offering a swap so maybe you can offer to buy?

[kiskidee]

the wrap will be for the newborn, not toddler.

[FlossALump]

DS has become more clingy to me since I started mat leave - not sure if it is just because I am home all the time or if he is aware of all the big changes happening.

I too have been telling him lots about how loved he is and that he is still and always will be my baby, which has actually backfired a little as he keeps pretending to be a baby, but am hoping that by ignoring that he will still feel loved and secure when new baby eventually decides to make an appearance!

[juuule]

Sounds like normal behaviour from a 2yo with 2 big, stressful changes in her life. Coping with pre-school for the first time could prompt behaviour like this all by itself. The impending arrival of a sibling will also be being felt by her.
I would say give her as much time as you can, lots of cuddles and reassurance. Understand when she's clingy. Indulge her now and reap the rewards later. When the baby arrives include her where you can. Ask her if she wants to help. If she doesn't - fine. If she does - let her. Things will settle after a while.
You are right to think she needs support and reassurance. Hopefully, your dh will come to see that, soon.

[fillyjonk]

Its normal and you are right to indulge her

having a new sibling must be a bloody hard thing for a child to go through.

tbh, I'd cut the childcare if its making matters worse. I find it much easier to deal with an average 2 yo and a newborn than a clingy and demanding two yo wanting to be carried, plus a newborn who needs to be carried.

I also think that second time round, if you have an anxious child already, using a sling 24/7 on the baby is possibly not an option. It might be better to also get the baby used to a pushchair/pram (as WELL as the sling). A BIG disadvantage of a sling is that the baby will normally be closer to you than your dd.

Ds didn't mind at all that dd was always in the sling, he liked having me able to play with him (22 mo gap). Dd needs the physical closeness, though, so when baby no 3 arrives (2.5 y gap), it will end up in the pram a lot more

[Beachcomber]

We used a sling too and I don't know how we would have managed without it.

For some reason I found my DD1 didn't mind me carrying the baby when she was in the sling as much as she sometimes did if she was in my arms. It was like being in the sling didn't count (also I had free hands to do things with DD more easily).

[fillyjonk]

every child is different

My experience of the sling was positive with ds, it kept my hands free, which was what he wanted.

HOWEVER, dd is very jealous indeed. She gets upset if I pick up another baby.

I think sling wearing is fabulous, neither of mine really went in prams at all. But you DO have to respect the needs of the other kids as well as the baby, IMO, and for some kids, having a baby sibling in a sling is not the way to quell early jealousy.

Just worth considering. Definately get a sling though.