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Parenting

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Original poster

My 15 month old dd hates me and I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself <sniffs miserably>

10 replies

Sixofone · 10/09/2007 19:32

Is this normal? Is it a phase?

My 15 month old really doesn't like me all of a sudden - she ignores me but not her daddy, who is absolutely wonderful, she'll go to anyone but mummy, when she fell over yesterday I picked her up to cuddle her and she reached out for her nanna, she gives everyone else lovely kisses and cuddles, but wriggles and sqwawks to get off my lap...

I don't think I am more than your average common-or-garden bad mother!

Is this part of them growing up, or do I just have a dd that for some reason doesn't like me any more?

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Original poster

Sixofone · 10/09/2007 19:37

Including all the staff at nursery with the kisses and cuddles, but not mummy!

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Sprogstersmum · 10/09/2007 20:07

If' it's any consolation my DD can be like this if other family is around. I'm a SAHM and pretty much never away from her and when daddy's around or if we seeing grandparents she ignores me and cries for daddy. When it's the two of us (which is the majority of the time) she's fine - I presume it's just the excitement of new people wheras she takes me for granted cos I'm always around. Could this be the case with your DD?

Pruners · 10/09/2007 20:18

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madamez · 10/09/2007 20:21

Yup. It's because she knows that you are always there for her, an other people are a novelty. Also, to be fair (and I have had this, too, and this is what DS dad (who doesn't live with us) said: You're the Alpha Parent. You're the one who's there all the time- which does include being the one who sometimes tells her off or stops her doing what she wants to do, etc. But the actively-running-from-you-to-anyone-else is short lived and she'll soon be all over you again

Acinonyx · 10/09/2007 21:35

My dd has been like this and it has gone in phases. There have been looong spells where i just don't exist when daddy's home. Heart-breaking isn't it? I used to joke to onlookers - '26 hours of labour, stitches - and this is the thanks I get'. But I have shed a few tears over it when it has been at it's hieght.

12-20 mo were the worst. She's 26 mo now and still does it but it's not as much - quite bearable (mostly!). I now also have a Favoured Friend that she follows like a puppy and talks about every day.

The love and attention we get (hopefully) are our wages as mothers and it is hard going when you feel you're not getting any. Make the most of it when it's just the 2 of you and don't take it personally when Other Favoured People show up. Jill

flyingmum · 10/09/2007 22:31

Yes perfectly normal. Daddy will be KING because he does all the fun stuff (Daddy's are good at playing) while mummies do tend to do the more borring stuff alongside some fun things. There is also a novely factor about Daddy because they are not around (if they work full time) as much.

Children are very clever, even at a young age, of playing one parent off against another. If she knows it winds you up by giving Daddy all her attention then by gum she will do it. Don't show that it matters one jot to you and use the time to escape and do your own thing. She'll soon want mummy again.

My youngest can still be absolutely revolting to me at pick up time. Its a bit like their punishing you but you know they've had fun. Hey Ho.

Original poster

Sixofone · 10/09/2007 22:33

Thank you so much you've all made me feel a lot better - I was feeling a bit down in the dumps about it! It's not as if I don't get love and affection from elsewhere, it's just you know how for ages the little people are your world and all of a sudden I suppose it's hit me that her world consists of more than me! xx

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nachomama · 10/09/2007 22:48

6of1 my heart goes out to you. I spent last Weds crying more than my 14 mo DS, who spent last Weds being as horrid as poss to me. He said no to everything I said, poked me in the eyes, went completely mental whenever i had to change his nappy- pulling them apart and tipping into bath (cloth nappies for you) and actually bit me when I tried to lovingly soothe him onto the changing mat when he was really rather soiled. When I cried, he smiled or even laughed. When I left him the next day at his Gparents (childminding), he pushed my face away when I bent down to kiss him goodbye. When I returned, gma was keen to tell me how happy and "perfect" he was. It was a low feeling driving back that night, wondering what made me so shit in the eyes of this little whirling dervish whom I love so much.

And then today, we have had lots of kisses and laughs.

The sun will shine again soon for you.

orangehead · 10/09/2007 23:04

my son was like that around similar age it was horrible and seemed to last 4ever, i really beat myself up about it. i had very bad pnd and always thought it may of been linked perhaps he was picking up that i wasnt happy or something but it may not of been. anyway he is now 5 and for a long time now i am completely his world and all he wants. hope things get better

used2bthin · 11/09/2007 14:01

Am sorelieved to read this, my DD is doing excactly the same atm, we have a home start volunteer who came for the 3rd time yesterday and DD had a huge tantrum when she left, crying and reaching out to her! She also does it to a freind of mine who has a younger baby, it's quite embarrassing at times.I am trying not to be offended but I agree it's hard!

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