Why is my nearly 4wk old baby so bloody inconsistent?

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

It's because he's only nearly 4wks old, isn't it?

In a given 24hr period he might sleep all night except a feed in the middle, go in his basket no problem, sleep between feeds during the day and generally be pleasant to live with.

Then in another 24hr period he'll spend the best part of 10 hours awake, cluster feed furiously until it's just comfort-sucking and I'm on the verge of weeping, fall into a deep slumber in my arms then wake within minutes of going into the basket, whinge/moan/insist on feeding then not really bother sucking, fall asleep again, refuse to sleep in basket, whinge/moan/insist on feeding, fall asleep again etc etc ad nauseum until 2am when I want to cry/shout at him/ask why at not even 4 weeks of age he wants to put me through such endless frustration and tedium after demonstrating that he's perfectly capable of sleeping BUT JUST DOESN'T WANT TO!

What if I WANT TO SLEEP? If I can't sleep I'll go mad/explode/die and then he won't be able to feed but he doesn't seem to give a toss about this logical outcome should he persist in being so damn frustrating.

It's making me really dislike him sometimes, which is awful because he's only tiny and he isn't trying to drive me to the brink of insanity. But just because he isn't specifically trying doesn't mean he isn't succeeding. Please tell me this will all cease at the magical 6wk mark and he will miraculously develop a failsafe in-bed, will-sleep mechanism? I think I might jump out the window if he doesn't.

[yelnats]

This sounds a little bit like what dd2 was like at that age. She was diagnosed with reflux and given infant gaviscon. She too didnt like the dummy initially but I persevered with it otherwise she would have fed all day every day and I would have given up breastfeeding very early on. I also found co-sleepig helped - we got a lighter (4.5 tog) duvet so that it wasnt as warm for her. Feeding lying down in the night was a god send - meant i could sleep while she fed and I wasnt really disturbed too much - I was worried about this to start with because she was normally really sick after every feed but for some reason when she is fed lying down she is rarely sick at all.

6 months on and she is a different baby - never has the gaviscon now, started sleeping in her own cot bed last week and is no longer feeding through the night.

It will get better - mumsnet is geat for your 'feeling really down' days.

[Moorhen]

CSB, I think you must have the clone of my DS! He is 4 wks on Friday, and is either a delight - 5-hr sleeps, hardly ever crying, big eyes and little smiles - or grousing and screaming the whole time and reducing me to tears.

Dentinox helped us with the colic, seems more effective than Infacol although DS hates the taste.

If you have the money, or have relatives desperate to buy baby prezzies, the other thing currently saving our sanity is a Fisher Price Kick 'n' Play baby bouncer. DS is not a bit interested in the toys or coloured lights, but there is a Calming Vibrations function which seems to soothe all but the worst screaming fits (and seems to get his system moving when colicky, IYSWIM ). He is dozing in it at the moment. Best £40 we have ever spent.

Above all, heartfelt sympathy from a fellow toiler at the coalface...

[Guitargirl]

I was the same as you about co-sleeping at the beginning. DD seemed so tiny and fragile there was just no way I could trust myself to sleep in the same bed. I would feed her to sleep and half asleep myself would lay her in the Moses basket then I would wake up half an hour later in a blind panic patting the duvet and forgetting that I had actually put her in her own bed...

DD would be feeding ALL NIGHT some nights until she was about 8 weeks old, typically from 6pm till 4am on and off the breast constantly. Then she slept quite well until she was about 3 months and then she started waking frequently again. At 4 months I cracked one night when I could not physically get out of bed and reached over to the cot to bring her into bed with me. She is now 7.5 months and is still there! Co-sleeping gets less scary as they get a wee bit older and start to look a bit more robust.

[Mercy]

This sounds like my dd.

Having ruled out colic etc,I tried the following methods

swaddling
dummy
rocking and patting
white noise

Usually all at the same time!

[startouchedtrinity]

I forgot - I drank three cups camomile tea/day when bf - it helps to calm both of you and gets rid of lo's wind.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

So we eventually flaked out around 3 (well, I did, I assume LO did also!). I ended up pulling the futon out and crashing out with LO plugged in. OH came and gave me a wee moral support cuddle then I sent him back to bed and kept feeding and feeding. Next thing I knew it was 7am!

LO (he's a pinky-lover, Aitch, although he has already mastered the art of sucking and wailing, the precocious little so-and-so) has gone back to sleep, albeit fitfully, after his feed. Hopefully he'll sleep loads and recharge his batteries because I'm sure being exhausted makes babies cranky too.

STT, I've been off dairy for a week now, and therefore also having none of my usual milky decaf tea. Saying that, a couple of days ago a friend did give me a cuppa which was both milky and caffeinated .

Thank you all so much for your suggestions - I think as has been mentioned, he'll grow out of this but I think it's really helpful to have things to try in the meantime. It's feeling completely impotent that sucks the most I think. We may well do a considerable mileage in the pram today - I could do with the endorphins in case we're in for more of the same tonight!

[startouchedtrinity]

What about what you eat? Maybe you could try cutting back on dairy or caffeine?

Second aitch's suggestion of a cranial osteopath, your ds may have got squashed against your ribs as he was breech.

Also agree with experimenting with dummies, they are all so different.

It will get better.

[Aitch]

what happens if you put your CLEAN pinky finger in his mouth?

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

OK false alarm. Wailing, kicking, grunting baby and I are off for some Lateral Thigh Trainer entertainment. Thanks folks x

[jabberwocky]

Haven't checked all of the posts but have you tried a sling? It was a lifesaver with both of mine.

[KTNoo]

You're not being daft - I found my colicky babies so difficult! I felt it was all so unfair when everyone else's babies seemed to just sit there and gurgle. Don't know if you're thinking of formula at all (I had moments when I very nearly quit the bf) but bottles made no difference when we tried them and ds and dd pulled off them too. Feeding out and about was a nightmare - I would find a quiet corner of a cafe, only for them to pull away and scream just as the milk started squirting everywhere. Oh thank God that's all over. It WILL get better for you.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

He's in basket! 5th attempt this evening but he's stayed down for 7 minutes now so here's hoping!

[Aitch]

my friend's baby was like this, they eventually had him diagnosed with silent reflux and got him gaviscon and other stuff. good news is that they survived and he's a bonnie wee boy now. (they called him, which you will appreciate if you're a jock, Alexander the Greet).

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

Yeah, he's an Infacol junkie, very windy and has started pulling away loads today. Colief might be next on list although Infacol's helped wind a good bit.

This is all a bit daft, I guess babies just cry - no idea why I'm surprised! He's just so pissed off and angry though, and nothing I do helps. Maybe he wants to watch some more QVC!

[KTNoo]

Have you tried the NUK shape dummy? That was the only one my dd could keep in her mouth. I think the shape of it is similar to the nipple when breastfeeding. The Avent one was hopeless - just fell out.

[KTNoo]

Did you say he got more difficult around 3 weeks? My dcs 2 and 3 started with colic around the third week - could it be that? They still had sleepy days when it was almost impossible to wake them to feed, but most days they slept little and seemed uncomfortable all the time. Sometimes they just screamed and screamed and feeding seemed to make no difference. Does he pull away when feeding?

Anyway, if this does sound familiar, it went on for a few weeks then got better, I think between 12 and 16 weeks.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

Tried dummy, dummy was met with incandescent rage. The sight of it induces wailing now. Sorry! God how I had high hopes for it!

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

Not Glasgow but would travel, what's 170 miles when you're desperate! Does she work nights?

So good to know I'm not alone in having a stressful baby, so thanks. He was lovely until a week ago!

[Aitch]

oh lord yes i'd deffo try a dummy if you haven't already.

[KTNoo]

Dummy?

Saved my sanity with number 3.

[Aitch]

btw are you in scotland? if glasgow i can pass on the number of this woman.

[Aitch]

i took dd for a looksee, i'd made the appointment when i was trying to save my bfing but it wa stoo late and i went anyway. whatever she did, dd went from hating lying on her tummy to absolutely loving it. she'd had a nap and a bottle just prior to the appointment and the woman had told me to bring an extra bottle and expect her to sleep...
anyway, i had to give her the bottle before leaving the office as dd was suddenly ravenous and she promptly went to sleep in my arms and stayed asleep for the next few hours.
dd didn't have a difficult birth at all, in fact it was a breeze, so i don't think you have to be dmamged for it to help, iykwim?

[KTNoo]

Oh, those were the days. He sounds like all 3 of mine. I don't think there's much you can do other than respond to what he seems to want. I know this is easier said than done. Just take things a week at a time and try to enjoy him. Now that my third and last little one is a tantruming 18-month old I'm quite nostalgic for the one-little-baby stage. I think you just have to try to get through it all in a blur. I think that's what I did, along with loads and loads of walks on the screamy days. Good Luck.

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

mymama - he absolutely must be too tired, he's hardly slept today and he didn't bloody sleep last night! I am home alone with him this week so I'll be able to steel myself and spend time just settling him hopefully. When DH is around I just give LO to him for the sake of peace!

Aitch, that's such a good tip about the towel. The thing that's scariest about co-sleeping is the bit where the tiny baby gets lost in the depths of the duvet between mum and dad! TBH it's a no go just now, we tried settling him in bed with us several times tonight but he won't lie on his back and when settled he wakes himself again by flailing (and I tried swaddling last night but he lost it because he couldn't move his arms ... )

As for the osteopathy, I've wondered about it but he was a breech baby and was born by caesarean - I was under the impression that babies which benefited from cranial therapies were those which had been squashed and traumatised at birth?