stupid things THEY've said to you

[mex]

I don't like to complain. Actually, who and I kidding? I love to complain! I've got the most awful, stupid health visitor in the world. She generally leaves me in tears whenever I go to see her (so much for a health VISITOR) and the doctors have not been much better in this, my first year of being a mum. I want to know, what are the most stupid things any so-called expert has said to you about being a parent? To start the ball rolling:

1. Health Visitor (when told that baby cries 14 hours a day every day for three months): "Some babies just cry."
   
2. Doctor (after being told that baby cries for about 14 hours a day every day for three months): "She's not crying now, is she? There's nothing wrong with baby, but I think mummy might just be a bit tired."
   
   My personal favourite: I went to the doctor after the HV did an Edinburgh PND test on me and discovered that I had postnatal depression (which I'd been telling her for 8 months but she ignored) and told the doctor that I was miserable, I hated my life and I pretty much wanted to die. The doctor, a lady, said, and I quote, "Hmmm. Make sure your husband gets enough sex. If you're unhappy he's probably feeling a bit upset too." Then she held the door open for me to make sure I'd leave. ENOUGH sex? Not just some, but enough.
   
   Haven't been to a HV or Doctor since.

[TheHerdNerd]

HVs... what's the deal? They sound like a bunch of dragons!

Surely you can tell them that you don't need their "help"? Is it compulsory?

Sorry, dw is preggers, but no chillun yet - I'm clueless

[whomovedmychocolate]

Theherdnerd - they visit a week after birth to weigh and then technically you never have to see them again but they do regular reviews at 6 weeks, 8 months, pre-school etc.

If you don't go and see them at all they hassle you by phone.

It's quite reassuring if you are a first timer to have the baby weighed now and then. But you have to take their advice with a large pinch of salt (which they will tell you twelve times you shouldn't have and you certainly should keep away from the baby!)

[MamaD]

I forgot one

"Marmite? MARMITE? are you trying to KILL your baby?"

....when I mentioned that 6 mth old dd kept nicking my marmite on toast in the mornings

[lucyellensmum]

Did you know, that babies dont sleep deeply all night, they sleep in a sort of wavelike rhythm falling into a deep sleep then coming out into a light sleep etc etc, if you ask my HV about sleep, this is what she will tell you - she might even draw you a picture(no really she might). Thing is, i do have quite a good memory and one of the things that made me give up on HVs was when she repeated this to me for the third time, more or less word for word.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

Lucyellensmum do you think she had been on A Course?

[thebecster]

Oh they drove me mad! I got on quite well with breastfeeding, thankfully. But HV kept telling me to give DS formula to help him gain weight. I pointed out to her that he was bang on the 50th percentile every blessed week. And then every time I saw her 'Are you starting to manage better with breastfeeding now? If he's not gaining, you really should give him formula'. I was never not managing with BF'ing. Which is just as well since her only solution was to give him formula!

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Mine were great. Really helpful. They said stupid things like "I'll arrange a hearing test for your dd" and "I'll arrange a SALT referral".

Hurrah for some HVs.

[lucyellensmum]

meandmyflyingmachine - YES i have to agree that MY HV, when it comes to the nitty gritty, got on the ball and sorted things out for my DD within weeks i had an appointment at peadiatrician and have got onto speech therapy really quickly. So, anecdotes aside, they are a useful first point of call when there is a problem. But still patronising and depressing lol

[meandmyflyingmachine]

Actually, mine weren't at all. They were lovely. From the off. Perhaps it was because I was so clueless with ds I was just glad to be told what to do...

[mex]

My baby HAD to have a hearing test at 10 days old, because if I waited any later then the whole world would end and I'd be responsible. Apparently EVERY baby in the whole COUNTRY HAS to have a hearing test at no more and no less than 10 days.

Oh, and at 6 months my baby magically became able to digest bread, which she'd been doing fine for ages, and I had to wait until last week, until baby was EXACTLY a year (I asked if I had to wait until 10.27 in the morning so that I got the whole year, which was met with incomprehension) until she was allowed to drink cow's milk, which I'd already been giving her. Ooops.

[pagwatch]

Me : I would like son ref'd to a specialist as he cannot do .........and is dislaying.......symptoms and I feel he could be showing signs of autism

Doctor : Mrs xxx, if you keep talking about autism you will make him autistic


Se all this concern about rising rate of ASD and its actually caused by ( shhh).... talking about it!

[Weegle]

Not to me but I overheard a mum at clinic being advised to give her approx 6 month old teething baby chocolate buttons because it "cheers them up"... duh, really?? She then asked me if DS (about 7 months at the time) had had egg. So I said no I didn't think so. So she said, "but of course he's had cake so that'll have had egg in it". I said no and she looked at me aghast and then said to DS "you poor deprived little boy, mummy not giving you cake"... he'd barely worked his way through pureed mush by then! Now I have nothing against people feeding such young babies chocolate buttons and cake if they so desire, but for the HV to advocate these seemed a trifle odd.

[DivaSkyChick]

Pag - A DOCTOR said that? Did he get his degree out of a cereal box?

[PussinWellies]

Pagwatch -- ah ha! That could explain a lot!

[Weegle]

oh also haven't been back since getting my enormous and hefty son weighed to discover he had dropped from over the top line to the 91st centile (but still looking healthy, eating fine and gaining weight) to be told "well we need to watch his weight from dropping off this line further". Tosh I tell you - does the boy look like he's wasting away? No, he looks like a steam roller would struggle to make him even quiver.

[meandmyflyingmachine]

I really think they should match up HVs and parents more carefully. The number of early weaners who have a HV who advises following the 6 month guidelines is only equalled by the number of 6 month sticklers whose HVs advise early weaning....

[pagwatch]

DSC
swear to god - my GP in SE London !
He also, by the way, kept tutting as 20 month old fella was climbing inside my t-shirt and wailing. He said "can't you stop him doing that" I couldn't - which was kind of the bleeding point !

...( When diagnosis arrived Super Doc then reprimanded me for having intimated that DS had normal development as he "clearly" could not have been. He said I must have "imagined" it. When I asked if he wanted to see the videos of DS displaying all the skills he had lost he had to go away for a week or too before coming back with "aggressive regressive autism". I felt such confidence I ...moved ! )

[QueenofBleach]

I can't add to this my HV is lovely, first time mum questions get answered with are you happy, is she happy, then you are doing the right thing.

[DivaSkyChick]

Pag -

[SeamonstEr]

my hv is lovely too, however she was on holiday when i had dd and the other hv came to do the new born thing.
She asked if i had a routine yet, and i replied that only so far as bedtime and night feeds were quiet times and day time was noisy etc. It cropped up that I was putting dd to bed (in our room) and then coming downstairs where-upon she launched into some spiel about not leaving a baby alone EVER until they were 6 months. When I pointed out that I had a baby monitor, left the doors open and had done this for both ds's she told me a story of how a couple's baby died within the space of a couple of hour having done just this.
Had I been a first timer I would have been terrified, but 3rd time around I just said 'oh, how sad' (which of course it was) and carried on.

[jackie2kids]

I wouldn't have lasted 5 mins without Midwives, HVs or GPs!

[stinkymalinki]

My HV was/is useless - we've seen her for the bare minimum of times necessary, even during my PND (she finally agreed to come out and do the Edinborough score just to appease me, but basically left me to it after that! Thank goodness for my fab GP). DS is now 21 months old, and hasn't been seen or officially weighed for over a year. He's happy and healthy, so i'm in no rush to pursue them! I'll stick with my GP if anything crops up.

[Veggiemummy]

I had a friend who broke her leg very badly when her DD was 5 months old and was unable to get around easily for many months her husband had to take time off work to look after DD. When he took DD for a weight check at 6 months the HV demanded to know why the mother hadn't brought her down, he explained then what had happened (which should have prompted her to do a home visit). Next month he went back again to have DD weighed, again she was very annoyed that DD's mother had not 'bothered' to come down, again he explained why she could not. Finally, she phoned and said that if she would pop in for a visit, but never turned up. They gave up on weigh in after that.

I have to admit that my HV's weren't too bad but were very patronising talking to me as if i was a child, they knew i was a paediatric nurse and just wanted to get my DS weighed but felt they needed to speak to me as if i was a bit simple, and explain how he was going on the growth chart, which they distressingly found he didn't seem to follow in any particular order (although i found later he follows the WHO breastfeeding centile chart on it's 50th cetile perfectly)

[LoveAngel]

After repeated bouts of masttis, my HV was still telling me that 'cabbage leaves are the only thing that works'. I ended up in A&E with a serious infection (doctor was outraged and said I should have been on anti-biotics, and that I very nearly had to lose a part of my breast, the infection had got so bad...). On seeing me at home a week or so later, the HV said 'I TOLD you you should have used those cabbage leaves. See, that's what happens when you don't listen.' I didn't even have to open my mouth to tell her off...my mum chewed her head off so badfly she practically ran out the door (Go, mum!).