Go back after maternity leave?

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

Hi all

I'm so torn on what to do...

So I've always been very driven and ambitious and worked hard for 10 years to gain qualifications and get to my job. I'm very proud of what I do and feel it's the main part of my identity.

However

I now have a 6 month old baby and am thinking about what to do when my maternity leave ends.

I HATE the idea of leaving her in nursery full time. I'm sure everyone feels like that. I could return to work part time, but I'm struggling with that idea too. She's a terrible sleeper and super clingy and generally I feel torn to be apart from her too. Thinking about leaving her is stressing me out so much and it's months away!

I could, possibly, earn money doing some consultancy, so the finances would be ok. I worry that I'll regret loosing my position in such a great company and that I'll loose my identity.

We want another child quickly. So should I take a few years before going back properly, or not

WWYD?

[BananaBlaps]

I’d go back part time, especially if you want another soon. You can see how you find it and hopefully get pregnant and then get mat leave again. Once you’ve worked out if you like part time or not you can decide how you manage with 2. You could use your time at work to investigate the consultancy option.

When do you go back? There’s a massive difference between a 6 month old or a 12 month old!

[pitterpatterrain]

Take the full time, and go back part time in the interim

If you did consultancy, what would your childcare option be and what would the hours/expectations be like?

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

Thank you. I'd be going back at 10 months as that's when the pay ends. Good point about getting maternity leave again.

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

Consultancy could be night and weekend work (on call) so DH could be Home.

[Bobbybobbins]

I would go back part time and aim to build up some consultancy so after baby 2 you could feasibly have a reliable income that way. Lots of options if you do that.

I work part time and find it's a great balance between my own time/identity and being with the kids.

[BananaBlaps]

Could you possibly take a bit longer maternity leave? I know it’s unpaid but you’re entitled to a year (if you’re in the uk). Then you could go back pt when you’re dd is a little older.

I completely get where you’re coming from re. Not wanting to leave your baby.

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

banana I would love to but with no income it would be almost impossible to pay the bills. I don't think I'd be legally allowed to do any consultancy during those 3 extra months either. I think it would cancel my mat leave? I'll look in to that.

[BananaBlaps]

Ah ok, it money’s tight I’d probably definitely go back part time then to get the mat leave if you want a second baby. And then start consultancy work after that.

It’s really hard I know. It sounds like you like your job so you might enjoy being back at work. It’s hard at first but you will all adapt.

Enjoy your time with dd now - try not to stress about going back so much and enjoy the present!

[myotherbagisgucci]

OP I could of wrote your post! I'm in exactly the same position, and we're also looking to have another DC soon.

I've just put my request to go back for two days (long days) and work from home.

I can't bare the thought of putting her into nursery, so she's staying with grandparents for the days I'm at work.

But the thought of even going back for two days and being away from her is giving me anxiety!

[OliviaBenson]

What about her father? Can he go part time or you have a shared arrangement?

You need to think long term here, prospects/pension etc.

[Imchlibob]

Can your DH go down to 4 days a week just for a couple of years? Two of you working 4 days a week so there is only 3 days for childcare cover is the best of both worlds imo as neither career gets massively damaged and the child gets the majority of days with a parent.

The thing you have to remember is that right now you are thinking about what is best for a tiny immobile baby but the decision you are making will be applying for an exploring toddler.

A childminder may be a better option if you think she will be happier in a more home-like environment but most nearly-one and one-year-olds love nursery once they get settled in.

[HRMumness]

I’m further down the road than you OP. I gave my job up after my work declined my PT request. No family here to help and we just didn’t want our DD1 in full time care and the frantic rush rush life for all of us. My DD1 is now in school and DD2 will start next year. I wish I had been able to go part time. I have really enjoyed my time with them at home, obviously first year with two was very tough but I think being part time would have been a better balance for us. In an ideal world it would have been even better if my DH was also part time. I don’t think either of us has been able to fully put ourselves in the others shoes at times. Good luck whatever you decide.

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

Thank you everyone for your advice. Unfortunately DH can't go PT and it wouldn't make sense either as he earns considerably more than me. I think I'm going to use the annual leave I've accrued to work 3 days instead of five between October and December. That way I can sort of test the water and Dd wouldn't be in nursery so much. Come the new year I'll have to make a decision.
It's good to hear people say 1 year olds generally love nursery

[buffysummers4]

I was really dubious about going back, esp at 6m and because I had a long commute and would just about cover childcare costs but I went back part time and am so glad I did. 1 year olds are exhausting!! We have no family locally and husband works late so I just found it relentless at home and by the time I went back at just over a year I felt very differently. I wouldn't have gone back if it was full time or nothing though. I'm just looking at options after my second mat leave and I know I really don't want to be at home full time. Not sure if I will go back to current job or find a new one but I have a better prospect for the latter without a gap on CV. Good luck!

[Lemonsherberts]

I think part time is about as good as it gets. If you can get it your lucky so go for it.
I managed to get reduced hours and condensed days.
Ok it does slow down career progression that is very true.
But I didn’t like the idea of full time nursery for ds before he was three.
This way I get to keep my independence, and I could always go to full time if something happened and I had to.
This way we aren’t quite so well off, but money isn’t everything and I’ve been here for (most) of his firsts.
There will be some on soon to say why don’t men face this choice, but the thing is I really didn’t want to be away from ds for 40-50 hours a week. I feel privileged to have this option.

[UmmMeToo]

I think go back to work part time, 3 days maybe. It's good for you to be around other adults and keep your brain working. Plus if you've worked that hard for your career don't give it up just yet, you will find it difficult getting back to work after long periods off. I work part time and was feeling crap about my maternity leave ending, my DD was also really clingy and didn't like going to new people. She has now been at nursery for a few weeks and since day one has had no issues, she hasn't cried and she's doing really well there. You'd be surprised how well your DC will do. The anticipation of going back to work and leaving the baby is worse than the reality.

[ttcwoes]

I'd consider starting the baby in nursery now even if it's just a few half days a week.

I started my son at 1 and it was awful for both of us! He was so much more aware of being apart from me and what was going on than he was at 6 months and I can't help but feel he would have settled better had he started earlier.

Three months on he still cries going in but does it enjoy when I'm gone and the staff settle him down.

If you start then now it also takes the pressure off you as you know at this stage it's still a choice. It's a physiological thing but having to leave them them there as you have to be at work for a certain time is a horrible feeling. If you are still off you can go back early for them or hang around the vicinity or whatever makes you feel better until you both adapt.

[seven201]

My dd probably has way more fun and learns a lot more than she would if she were at home with me. I work four days, ideally i'd work 2 days but financially can't. I think you should go back part time and take it from there.

[Rach000]

It's hard to imagine been able to leave a 6 month old and go back to work. But they are a lot different at 10 months old. That's when i went back to work with my first and she was fine. She did have a lot of milk at nursery as preferred me to give her it I guess but she was fine and didn't really need it as she was eating so soon stopped milk at nursery. She is now 3 and has learnt so much at nursery. I went back 4 days a week. It was hard leaving her at first but you soon get in a routine and I enjoyed been back at work. I have since had a second baby so on mat leave again. I would say go back especially if you want a second soon.

[babybrainusedtobesmart]

Thank you ladies. It's really reassuring to hear everyone say it's ok to go back and dd will be fine x

[VisforVieve]

Have you considered a flexible working plan with the possibility of working from home? I went back on consolidated hours so I could go back to being me and have an additional special day with my little.

Have you done any KIT days? I found they really helped with the run up to return, leaving my little for a few hours and building it up so we got used to it.

I have been back since August and I am now back on standard contact, I love being back and my little is loving life with child minder & grandparents. Our time together is so fun and special.

I won't pretend it is easy and i worry when he has an off day, there is always guilt but I think that is part of life now. Sadly.

Good luck, I am sure you will find the right solution for you and your family.