I don't want to be home alone with my baby

[KimchiLaLa]

I love my baby but I don't really want to be home alone with her. I don't feel like I can't cope with her - although the feeding/napping is monotonous - it's more the feeling of being bored and wanting someone else to be there. I just feel a bit low when I am just at home alone. I do also feel like after I've had a break, I appreciate her more.

I dread the 5-6 pm period not as she is fussy but because I know the evening and the night feeds are coming, and love Fridays even more as DH can then help with the late nights. For example, tomorrow I have no plans with friends so I'm going to my mum's so I'm not alone at home with her and I get to be around my family & take a break.

Is this normal? Or does it sound like a mild form of PND?

[Dermymc]

Totally normal tbh.

Get out every day, if you can twice. Even if you just walk to a shop and back it gives the day a focus.

Get to groups now so you have support when they are closed.

Get headphones and BBC iplayer radio. Find something you like listening to and walk!

[Badhairday1001]

I was exactly the same. I would plan something every day and take advantage of baby groups. It is a boring and monotonous time but they do get much more fun so it's not for long.

[Dozer]

I remember this and would go for walks to the park for something to do. With DC2 was out and about more quickly and had more friends, which helped.

Are you bfeeding? If not suggest your H shares the night feeds several nights a week. Sleep might help everything feel better.

[UserThenLotsOfNumbers]

Normal

[SonicBoomBoom]

I was the same. I hated being alone. It was boring and I felt so much pressure, knowing you have no backup can make me feel less capable too. I still much prefer having DH here, but now DC's older I can enjoy spending time just the two of us.

Regarding the sleep thing, my baby didn't sleep for more than two hours until 9 months old (and teeth were in). Then, over a few weeks, it went to all night. 9pm-7am usually, without waking.

Sometimes it happens to the most unlikely babies!

[Bananamanfan]

You are normal; it is so boring and really hard work being alone with a baby. I started having radio 4 on all the time & got into woman's hour, the life scientific, desert island discs etc. It really helped me & kept my brain going also gave me something to talk about when i did meet another adult.

[Ecureuil]

DD1 slept through at 3.5 years, DD2 at 15 months. At least we went in the right direction

[Desmondo2016]

I was EXACTLY the same as you. You've described me to a T! She's now 11.5 months and id say it didn't really change until about 9 months when she started crawling and could amuse herself with toys happily at home.

[Xennialish]

MIne slept through at 15minths, 18months and 5 years, I get worse at this bit it seems!

[Xennialish]

There are loads of groups you can do, baby massage, baby yoga, singing stupid songs with baby, exercise classes with baby in tow, baby cinema. I went to something every day. Or the things you won’t be able to do for a decade, art galleries, National trust properties etc? Your baby is perfect sling size and it sounds like a whole carton of ready prep would last a day so very little to carry!

[prismWitch]

My baby was 6.2 pounds when she was born. She didn't start to sleep through night until 3 months old (or how the internet told me when she reached ripe weight of 5kg /11 pounds).

One thing I would like to highlight here is that baby will eat as much it needs, so do not stress out that she is starving. My HV scared the living daylights out of me saying that she should be getting 4 ounces at this stage. I was feeding her for hours and crying, feeling like the worst mother in the universe.

Before DD reached 3 months, I would sleep about 3 h in total and was so miserable. It would be 1h feeding, 45 min trying to burp her, 30 min trying to put her to cot and then 30 min max sleep for me and another feeding.

She still would wake up through the night, after 3 months, from time to time, because regression/teething/cold/just fancy waking me up. And lets not forget the 2 months sleep regression....

My DH family was made of miraculous babies that always slept through the night. Until I started to listen carefully and lots of them didn't count feeds as waking up in the night. Some of them would only count whole night as 4 hours and some of them were really, really lucky and I went through period of hating their guts

[FairyPenguin]

I think this is normal. Well I felt like this too. It definitely gets easier when they are a bit older and start to interact with you more so you get the feedback and play properly.

I went out at least once a day, even if it was just a walk to the supermarket, or to town. You don't have to buy anything. The library is good - they had baby singing sessions. Or a walk in the park. Baby weighing sessions - you'll meet people there.

Evenings were the worst for me as well. That's when I'd resort to putting the TV on.

I couldn't wait to get back to work - 3 days a week away meant I appreciated her more on my days off.

[Blondielongie]

It's normal and I remember feeling like that. I used to have a weekly plan of stuff that was going on and the library as a back up + a list of various parks/activities, and names of friends/family I had that with all the baby foggyness I forgot about. I didn't do all the stuff on the list regularly but it helped to have a back up plan iyswum.

[Alexindisguise]

During my maternity leave I only spent one full day at home on my own. I didn't have pnd, just don't like staying in and never have.

I would go for walks, take the bus somewhere for a change from driving, go for a coffee, swimming, baby massage, meet up anyone and everyone.

It gets easier as they get bigger and interact and play more.

Try and get a few hours to yourself in an evening or at a weekend to recharge a bit.

[newmum7369]

Ditto about the sleep thing. SIL was telling me that my nephew sleeps through the night now. What she actually meant is that BIL holds him on the sofa for 3 hours while the baby sleeps so she can take a nap, then they swap over and so on. If they put him down he wakes up!

Also, things change. DS1 (4 months) was a fantastic sleeper for the first 2 months, one feed at about 3am to begin with then slept through the night of his own accord. Things took a serious downturn 6 weeks or so ago and I've lost count of how many times I've been up with him tonight. He never goes longer than a couple of hours and that's lucky, usually it's half an hour or an hour and he usually ends up in bed with me just so I can get some rest. People I haven't seen or spoken to since he was a good sleeper probably still think he's an angel at night, but oh how things have changed!

[BeerBaby]

It might be normal it might be the start of pnd. Sleep deprivation made me feel very depressed.

If you can go out even if just for a walk then do it. If you start to feel worse or not better shortly you need to talk to your GP

[EssentialHummus]

12 week old DD here. Just get out every day. Go to Sainsbury’s and buy one tomato if need be. And if you didn’t do NCT or similar ask on your local FB group whether any other new mums are up for a coffee, or find something like a baby massage course to do.

[IceniLacuna]

who are all these women online that have mythical creatures who sleep through A lot of the people claiming that their babies 'sleep through' are defining this as fulfilled if the baby sleeps from say 1am (a perfectly reasonable bedtime for an adult of course) and 5am (well it's normal for kidd to wake up early). Others are just determined optimists who define their best-ever night as "normal" and all the disrupted nights as "unusual" even if there are more of them. There are also exceptions of course, some are genuinely lucky and have a baby who actually sleeps. The annoying thing is when they attribute their luck to a particular technique or parenting philosophy and reckon that if everyone followed their example then all babies would sleep better. Untrue.

Mine didn't discover sleep as a desirable activity until about 15 months old, but every baby is different.

Be kind to yourself.

[10FingersOnTheFender]

Sounds totally normal to me! I felt much the same way as you

[Foggymist]

I agree with Apples, my ds is 2.5 and has never slept more than 3 hours at a time, until he was at least 20+ months he woke every 1-2 hours, often still does. 9 weeks is still very very early/tiny! At that age you can still do things you want, as they get older it has to be more stuff that suits and entertains them. So get out for walks, shopping, lunch/coffee etc with her now, enjoy this time where she can't move or scramble away and doesn't wreck your house!

[KimchiLaLa]

Apples then who are all these women online that have mythical creatures who sleep through?!

[ApplesTheHare]

Kimchi tbh I think you're given a lot of unrealistic expectations about sleeping through while you're pregnant. They often don't sleep well until after 1 when all teeth have come through, etc. They often have regressions due to colds, weaning, etc., basically anything. It's brutal but it really DOES get better eventually.

[KimchiLaLa]

I think what doesn't help is that she is small (only 7 pounds but gaining weight well) and can't take much at each feed (I've posted about it in other threads) so I don't see her sleeping at night anytime soon. I keep getting told it will come but until she takes at least 4 ounces (and she's only on two) im not sure it will!

[RachelRosie]

OP, I could have written this myself. My little girl was born at April and I have probably spend 3 full days home alone with her. I had a bit of anxiety and a touch of the baby blues at 5 weeks and really struggled to stay at home. It was much easier to occupy both of us out of the house, either going for walks/town.
I made the most of having a portable, sleepy baby by visiting garden centres, galleries, museums I'd been meaning to get to. Try and enjoy it and don't feel guilty.
Honestly, it does get easier. I found our local children's centre groups a life saver. I didn't know many other mums at first but my HV put in touch with a couple of new mums in the same position and we meet up each week. The library also do lovely groups.
As months got on and we got to know each better it was easier to stay at home. As you get in to routine, especially once weaning starts, staying at home is less scary. My LG is so much easier to entertain at home now she can sit up. Be kind to yourself OP, what your feeling is very normal xx

[prismWitch]

I think is normal, at least I remember hating my life to the core at that stage. I don't have any family here and all of my friends are working full time. There were months at a time that the only person I spoke was my DH. I even started to count days in bottles. I knew that if I am on 3rd one he will be home soon...

Go out as much as you can, go to your mum. There is no shame in needing company of another grown up. You have luck to have somebody to break the dull day, use it! Seriously, do it for all of us that had cats for company...

Other thing I noticed is that everytime I went out with my baby, she would behave like an angel. When at home I felt like she drove my nuts.

6 months is the charm. Since my DD turned 6 months she became much more fun and intreactive. Started to show her personality and life is not so bad anymore. She is now 16 months and she is so much fun.