Hi all! I am having a bit of parenting struggle. Not so much with the kids but hubby.
A few years ago I went through depression and got help. From my therapist, reflection, and books I figured out why I got depressed and what caused it. Basically I went through childhood emotional neglect and my depression was due to it. This last year I have been growing mentally and emotionally stronger. If this was a weight loss program, I went from a 15 stone to 9 stone woman.
Since I started knowing more about mental health and emotional intelligence, I started noticing our not so awesome parenting skills. Hubby and I didn't have good models and even though we were much better than our parents, I parented wanted high standard performance and hubby discipline.
Since I changed my parenting style (I read a lot of books and posts by Gottman Institute, Daniel Goleman, Brene Brown, Amy Morin, teen neuroscience books etc and many TED Talks), the teen has been a lot better emotionally. She used to have breakdowns after I begged her to talk to doing it on her own and feeling so much better in the long run. Dd2 is quite emotional. We thought she may be a bit much but now I realise she's just normal.
Hubby though, everything I do is causing him anxiety. I have sent him parenting articles, we'd talk about it, he tries but he is so not comfortable with everything. Last night he kind of snapped. He made dinner and called dd2 when he was done. She said, "yeah!" And he yelled for her to come down stairs now. She did. And he scolded her for saying yeah -- yes is good, yeah is not. She pouted and started crying. And he said, "you need to know when you're wrong and not cry about it." I stepped in and said, "Hey, you were trying to finish up what you were doing right?" And she nodded. And I spent a few minutes listening, validating and empathising. All good again.
At dinner hubby told her that when he calls, he wants her to come straight down. I was on the side shaking no but he looked at me, crossed, and whispered no.
Hubby came from a home where he wasn't listened to, negative feelings were bad and obedience is golden. As a result, he has a hard time regulating his emotions and everything seems to be a trigger nowadays. He tried seeing a few therapists the last couple of years, just for short terms each, but they're not helping he said. He has good days but they don't last. Hubby is probably the sweetest guy deep inside but he was the result of unattuned parents and they most likely didn't have good parents to model either and really hurt inside but still struggling with change. But it's affecting our kids and he always say he doesn't want the girls to be like him but his parenting can make them like him.
Anybody else experiencing this?
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Hubby struggling with parenting kids
17 replies
putri · 18/10/2017 14:31
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