Responses to parenting choices in different cultures - your stories!

[dodi1978]

I had a similar thread on this a few years ago, but will try to give this one a slightly different spin.

So here it goes: I am German-born, but have lived in the UK for a long time and am raising my two kids here. DS2 has just started weaning, and we do a mixture of finger foods and purees / mashed food, same as for DS1 really.

Spoke to my parents last week and my dad very excitedly told me that there is a new trend amongst German mums of feeding babies only finger food. Yes, I say, this has been known here for a long time, and it is called baby-led weaning. When I weaned DS1 in 2014, BLW was hardly known in Germany. I spoke to a German friend at the time who is a sort of health visitor (although her role profile is a bit different) and she had never head of it, despite having two kids herself.

After the phone call, I started looking for articles on BLW in the German press, and lo and behold, they started appearing in 2015. What intrigued me is that the main critique of BLW is that babies may not get the right amount of nutrients with BLW. This seems to be taken very seriously.

Now this may be because BLW is so new in Germany and quite established in the UK. But are there other parenting choices two which responses in other countries were quite different?

[NeoTrad]

TBH there is really good scientific evidence about the value of introducing different tastes to babies from around 4 months.

The very worst thing to do is to FF and then introduce solids late.

[elQuintoConyo]

We didn't introduce solids late. We introduced solids at 6mo.

[NeoTrad]

Apparently 6 months is too late. Babies need to try spinach at 4 months - they are biologically at the right point to like green vegetables then. They get frightened of them afterwards and the next window of opportunity is much later.

[elQuintoConyo]

Well DS is 5yo now. So that ship has sailed.

I'm sure you can beat another new mum over the head with your data

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

I'll be weaning DS around 6 months too. Not read the spinach at 4 months research but DD started BLW at 6 months and she has spinach in soups, lasagne etc so I'm happy with that!

Another thing that shocked me here is the range of formulas you can buy - chocolate, biscuits, strawberry, banana, 2+, 3+, 4+, etc. And the range of baby foods, all packed with sugar. Feeding normal foods to under 18m is definitely frowned upon!

[buttercupz]

This thread is so interesting! I don't think the French focus on vaginal physio post birth is bad by the way, I think care here is pretty shoddy in that regard. Interesting that they're not so pro BF though, I would've presumed opposite.

I think it's funny we're so obsessed with 7pm bedtimes here, although as a colder country we don't have siestas etc and tend to eat earlier generally so that's probably part of it.

[buttercupz]

Also lol at children becoming "frightened" of spinach at 6 months!

[SokokeCat]

I'm English but I had DD in Finland.
"Why isn't she sleeping outside?" Was the first question the HV asked me when DD was 5 days old.
-5 and snowing was not a good excuse.
So, DD slept outside for naps until it hit -10 and then she went in the conservatory in her pram.
I had DS here in the UK and put him outside for his naps,
"What about the animals? What about the rain and the cold?" Said the HV

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

I was surprised as a visitor to Norway that people left their babies in their pram outside. I thought it was unusual, but logical, to leave them outside a coffee shop or restaurant where the parents could see them through the window, but they were also left outside a museum that we visited where the parents couldn't see them or hear them crying (they were never crying) and they must have been left for quite long periods of time unless one parent popped back out of the museum every 20 mins or so.

[buttercupz]

"What about the animals? What about the rain and the cold?" Said the HV

Yes when I told my mum that I would walk dd round the block and park her in the garden once asleep she would say "but what if a cat jumps on her?"

[Sadik]

Quinto - did you get given a list of exactly when you should introduce which foods? DD was born in Spain - she's 15 now, so things may have changed, but I was very tickled by the double sided close printed sheet of what came when (I remember egg yolk was different to eggwhite, but don't recall which was first!). We also had baby tea - the magic Blevit Digest, soother of all ills.

Agree breastfeeding was very favourably regarded - I bf dd til she was 20 months, and I used to get old ladies coming over to me and congratulating me & assuring me that she'd grow up big and strong :)

OTOH my sling was viewed very, very dubiously - a few people I knew had structured carriers, but the only other Spanish mum I knew with a wrap sling was very, very hippy-ish (and also had an English partner).

[RebelRogue]

One that always gets people frothing at the mouth on here. Earrings on baby girls. Where I'm from all baby girls have them(except those from a religion that doesn't allow jewellery), and most of them have them done on the maternity ward. It doesn't matter what class you are,how much money you have,education etc.

The insistence that a baby/child must be bundled up if the season requires it( late autumn,winter,early spring) regardless of how many degrees are outside. The amount of people that stopped and told me DD needs a hat was unbelievable. It was 18 degrees FFS!

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Sadik, when I lived in Berlin in the late 1990s I was friendly with a woman who had had to give up using a wrap. She was from S Africa and used to carry her DS in a traditional wrap but couldn't go out without old ladies telling her she was damaging his back and shouting at her or threatening to call the police.

[FruitCider]

I'm was born in Yugoslavia (Kosovo) but came to the uk when I was 2 years old. My parents have some VERY different ideas about raising a child to my health visitor I used bits from both cultures...

I coslept until my child was 3 (Yugoslav)
They had a bottle until they were 4 and gave it up themselves. Sometimes the bottles contained tea! (Yugoslav)
My child now uses China cups at 4 (Yugoslav)
Strict blw (british)
Used a sling (British)
7pm bed time (British)
Potty training is the same in both cultures

[Sadik]

YY to the earrings! I had a standard spiel along the lines of "Yes, she is a girl, I'm from England, it's not traditional in our culture etc etc etc" I did start to feel like a Bad Mother for failing my little girl

And also yy to the "Why Is Your Baby Not Wearing Socks / Cardigan / Jumper / Wooly Blanket ???"" - in 25C sunshine.

[fairybaby]

I was told off for not making my newborn son wear a hat, because it would fix ears ( they stick out a tiny bit).

I told my mum that I would never hit my children. She was perplexed and asked "But how will you raise them well, without disciplining them?"

Also, breastfeeding is the norm, and it's assume you will do that. There's no one teaching you how to do it, or special lactation experts. It's just the natural thing to do. On the other hand ff is totally acceptable. FF is expensive though, so very few mums can afford it.

I don't make a big deal of how much my kids eat. They don't have to finish their plate. My mum on the other hand will cajole, spoon feed and distract my kids into eating until the plate is empty. Kids need to (over) eat well.

[Camomila]

I'm a bit 'meh' about this whole taste window thing tbh, I didn't start weaning till 6m and then DS got a horrible cold so didn't really eat anything till nearer 7m. Anyways he loves broccoli/runner beans/green veg in general...I bf though so he may well have got different tasting milk depending on what I ate.

My mamma is always encouraging me to give DS camomile tea, I haven't yet but now he's over 1 I suppose there's no harm in trying next time he's got a tummy ache or he's teething.

[MissShittyBennet]

I'm sure you can beat another new mum over the head with your data smile

Think you're probably being a tad optimistic to assume there'd be data...

OP I think small children sleeping with parents in the UK is more common than you might reckon. Not the mainstream culture, but a lot of people I know have ended up doing it at some point. Most of the children in mine and DHs families coslept for at least a while. Was just more of an informal arrangement. There's definitely an idea that getting them to sleep in their own bed is a positive thing, an ideal to aim for etc, it's just not necessarily observed by everyone!

[PrimeraVez]

We're in the Middle East and I'm always so shocked to see babies here so bundled up. Yesterday it was pushing 40 degrees and I saw a baby in a sleepsuit and hat and wrapped up in a thick quilt.

We did BLW with DS which most people here where surprised by. He's 14 months now and while he definitely enjoys the odd biscuit, I'm considered 'strict' amongst Arab friends for not letting him get stuck into a packet of crisps, Krispy Kreme doughnut or McDonalds happy meal.

They also think I'm strict for having a strict 7.30pm bedtime routine - it's perfectly normal here to be in a restaurant at 11pm and still see small kids out and awake.

I've also received quite a few judgy comments from people here about my 'poor' hygiene standards. DS regularly goes through 'let's stick everything in my mouth' phases and unless it's something dangerous or dirty, I'm never that quick to stop him. I also don't sterilize his toys every day, I just stick his cups/bowls/bottles through this dishwasher, rather than sterilizing them, and if his dummy falls on the floor (even if it's in our own house) I don't immediately whisk it away to be sterilized.

[LaPharisienne]

As a kid in SA, pretty much anything could be cured by Coca Cola. Or flat Coca Cola if it was really bad!

[Iwasjustabouttosaythat]

It's interesting to hear which cultures/lifestyles are most inclusive of small children. So far it sounds like Spanish and Italian are the most accommodating. The French the least? I love the idea of a toddler eating spaghetti bolognese in a restaurant up thread.

[Scrumptiouscrumpets]

Think you're probably being a tad optimistic to assume there'd be data...

Why say something like this? There is pretty consistent data on this.
I live in Germany, where the above is to start weaning between 4 and 6 months, not after six months. I always wonder why people in the UK are so convinced weaning before 6 months is so awful? Is the UK one of the countries who has got it right and all the others are just lagging behind? How about being open minded enough to accept that the last word on when to start weaning has not been spoken yet, and it might just be possible that weaning before 6 months might be better? Or that yes, it is better to start weaning after 6 months, but seeing as we don't know yet, don't get on your high horse assuming early weaners are wrong!

[clearsommespace]

I'd say small children, all children are very much included in France but they are expected to adapt to the adult's routine rather than vice-versa. So children who would be better of being in bed at 8pm stay up at parties until after midnight when their parents socialise at weekends. When we have friends over for dinner, the DC always join us. I have never heard of a child free wedding here.

[teaandbiscuitsforme]

That comment was related to children being scared of spinach if it's not introduced at 4 months. You've taken it out of context.

And the UK has recommended 6 months based on things like the virgin gut theory, same as many other countries.

[glitterglitters]

My df was in the forces do my mum used to borrow aspects of parenting from the places they lived, plus had her own French-Canadian spin on things.

I was kept up very late and taken out for meals at 8/9pm at night. (Cyprus)

I was given the same food as the adults from when I was weaned.

I was sent to play outside whatever the weather. Whenever it snowed my mum would laugh and tell me it wasn't snow. (Canadian)

I was strapped into ice-skates before I could even walk. (Canadian)

I had a lot of jewellery (no piercings though) for a one year old.

I had perfume from about 6 months (France)

I was routinely given sips of alcohol from the age of about 3 🙊

I don't think I ever wore sun cream till I was an adult. I'd just get called to come out of the sun during 11-3 and made to swim with a t-shirt on.