I'd love to hear from those who don't find parenting difficult

[DoubleCarrick]

Please don't mistake my intentions, I'm not in any way being smug.

I'm currently sat snuggling with my 10 week old who is currently resting after a mammoth screaming fit... I'm convinced his teeth are moving and have just read a thread where posters were talking about the challenges of parenting. This isn't a taat but I feel alone.

I've made efforts to get to groups and meet people and have built a new network of friends but there always seem to be people who are ready to talk about how hard parenting is.

I can say that I haven't found it challenging, frustrating or any of those things. It's so hard to join in with my friends complaints about fussy babies, sleepless nights, etc because although I am still experiencing that, surely it's just one of those things.

Seems weird to be complaining about not struggling but I'm scared to seem smug, dismissive and just to not be included with the woes of having a tiny baby.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who doesn't find it challenging? Ps, I do get that my baby is only ten weeks and I may hit a brick wall soon another disclaimer - he was poorly when born and in special care so we have had our challenges and haven't just breezed through everything

[Jamhandprints]

I suppose it depends how well you cope with prolonged lack of sleep. Some people can cope, some are seriously affected by it mentally and physically. You seem to be unfazed by it, so you're very lucky. Keep enjoying your baby.

[shineon]

All babies are different. My first was twins it was hell on earth. Various health issues, no sleep till they were about 3. Then I had my youngest & he was a breeze. Still is. I thought the baby phase was the hardest but the more I think about it I dread the teenage years so much more. Its great that its going well for you so far but its very early days yet!

[Aria2015]

Thanks anametouse!

[anametouse]

Congrats on your LO Aria

[sopsmum]

I didn't find parenting 1 child in the least bit difficult. 4 however has me living on the edge!!

[Aria2015]

You're not alone. My lo is 19 months and my first and I haven't found him challenging or hard. It's constant looking after him and of course in the early days I was tired but I never felt overwhelmed.

I had two heartbreaking miscarriages before lo and when I was pregnant with him I suffered terrible anxiety. I would cry most days because I was so scared of miscarrying again. Even as I got further along in my pregnancy I was plagued with worry as he wasn't a very active baby so I didn't get much reassurance from him moving. When he was born alive and healthy it felt like a huge weight lifter from me and I found having a baby easy in comparison to the angst of pregnancy. So what if I was up all night? Better to be up with my beautiful baby than up crying over the babies I'd lost.

That feeling of a weight been lifted hasn't left me and I've been on cloud nine since he arrived. I think because I've been so happy and relaxed, he's been happy an relaxed. He sleeps well and is just a pleasure to be with.

I listen to other mums say how hard they find it and don't relate but like you don't want to look smug so I keep my mouth shut! I don't feel smug, I just feel so, so, lucky and incredibly grateful.

Enjoy it!

[TheShapeofYou]

Don't apologise OP; it's your thread, and I think you come across as a lovely person. You've had a super tough time by the sounds, horrible to have those first few weeks in hospital with worries and stress (I did too). I think you need to be kind to yourself and not block all the bad stuff out, it'll take a while yet to get over it I suspect.

My dc1 was a dream baby, and I too felt awful at baby groups as couldn't join in with the "oof, I've been up every hour, LOL has reflux/colic etc". But you know what? I'm so glad I did continue to go because I met some true friends there. True friends won't view you sharing a happy moment as gloating; they'll be chuffed for you. Our babies are now 6yo, all go to different schools, but we've kept in touch and I wonder what I'd do without them.

Enjoy your baby as much as you want

[Forkrightorf]

I was the same as you OP. I used to meet up with my NCT group and find it so awkward that I was loving the baby bit so much - it's difficult not to sound smug and dismissive when someone is venting about their babies feeding/sleeping and all you can do is "oh no, everything is brilliant for us thanks!"
I have 3 DC now so of course have experienced lots of more difficult periods but still generally find parenting enjoyable and fairly easy - through luck rather than skill! It's just easier to make conversation and bond over a shared trouble I think, keep going to the baby groups of you enjoy them and the conversation will start to flow a bit easier - or sack them off if you don't enjoy them, DS won't mind

[anametouse]

I do wonder if some of it is cultural (assuming you are British) I find some parts of parenting hard, some delightful, some heartbreaking (disclaimer I'm only 16 weeks in) but I only ever share the hard stuff at baby groups because that seems to be what's expected and because it does seem like
I'm gloating if I rave about his smiles and giggles and rolling. I also had many friends with PND and would hate to someone who made another Mum feel worse so am over cautious. I also think because my friends were very open about how hard being a mother is I was forewarned and never blamed myself for having hard times

Anyway, my actual message should have said. I mostly find being with my DS utterly delightful. I just only tell my DH and Mum!

[Bloopbleep]

No doubt I'll be accused of gloating or boasting but with dd I didn't find it hard or challenging. I expect teenage years to be a nightmare as I've had it too easy for the past 7 years. I was blessed with a very easy going child who didn't tantrum very often and aside from a dairy problem for the first few months of her life making her ill and upset she's been happy. I think that's more to do with her nature than my nurture.

That said I'm pregnant with dc2 and I just have this gut feeling it's going to be much much harder. It's as if I already know this baby is going to be difficult and testing.

[DoubleCarrick]

keep on I didn't get chance to catch up when he was in special care as I was trying to express and had members of staff coming in to me 24/7. He came up to me on the postnatal ward for another five days but was having 2 hourly obs day and night as he wasn't feeding properly still and was still on antibiotics. We were then home for 36 hours before he ended up on children's ward. At that point I did 12 hours a day in hospital with him and DH did 12 hours at night. I was so tired that I slept solidly every night for 10 days. Maybe that has played a part, you might be right although I was crumbling inside being away from my baby every night

sun I'm not saying anything about people complaining. I'm simply thankful that my baby is no longer oxygen dependent and didn't need open heart surgery.

I was hoping for a comforting supportive thread but instead I've dragged up the shitty time in hospital that I've done my best to forget. Genuinely sorry for offending anyone

[Sunisshining12]

What an odd post. You want reassurance that it's okay to not complain?

Try to remember some of us 'complainers' are having a really really tough time for whatever reason. Every baby is different. Every mum is different.

'Complaining' as you call it to other mum's in the same boat is a way of getting through it. I call it talking, support, friendship & reassurance rather than being alone worrying & suffering.

But anyway yes it's absolutely fine that you don't complain!

[keeponkeeponkeepon]

I didn't have a preemie but dc1 was in scbu for two days because he was frothing at the mouth and not feeding and not PU. I wish I had used that time to sleep.

I wasn't allowed in with him. He was there. I was on the labour ward getting progressively more anxious and over wrought.

So you didn't struggle at home but it must have been pretty horrendous with a poorly baby. Did you get a chance to catch up on your sleep when he was in SC? Personally I think the old fashioned, babies in the nursery looked after by nurses and me in bed would have suited me. I didn't sleep for 48 hrs and then dc1 was ill and crying and I never caught up on my sleep so I got PND quickly. They had severe reflux and failure to thrive too so that didn't help.

There used to be lying-in hospitals. You had a big operation, or baby, got discharged from the medical hospital to a lying-in one where they looked after you for a week or two till you felt back to fitness.

Or some people have amazing family who do that. My friend's mum travelled half way around the world for her. She did everything and just brought her the baby for feeding and cuddling. She was back on her feet so fast.
Did you have good support when you went home? I think that really helps. I was back to the school run one day after having dc2. That was hard.

[keeponkeeponkeepon]

Oh I didn't read your thread properly.

It doesn't get better! It is terrible later on!
Joke.

Enjoy it not being hard. Offer to sit with a friend's kid for two hours whilst she has a sleep. Take them out for a walk in a sling with your buggy so she can sleep/have a bath whatever.
Do her ironing

Bring her biscuits and tell her she is doing well.

Enjoy your time. If you want to talk to those who are struggling and help, acknowledge you aren't and are lucky/grateful (rather than fucking marvellous and dismissive) and offer a non judgemental, kind practical shoulder to cry on.
And if you think someone is unwell, tell someone. Either encourage them to get help or offer to have baby whilst she goes to GP etc etc.

My two closest friends both popped round one terrible horrible day. DH was threatening to leave. (Utter fucking twat. He had PND apparently) Dc2 was 6 weeks and very ill with milk allergy. Dc1 has SN and was angry about baby as well.
They were great and came round immediately to see me and made me a cup of tea but the most important thjng they said was 'go to the doctor'. Look after yourself first and foremost. If you fall, they all fall.

Another friend took one look at me and told me to pack a bag for both kids (dc2 ff with hypoallergenic milk by then). She turned up at 8am and told me to pick them up at 8pm. She had got them ready for bed. It stopped me breaking.
I went to the cinema on my own and cried.

Enjoy your time and for goodness sake don't feel guilty. I say that as a two time survivor of PND. Just don't tell them you know how they feel. And perhaps don't tell them your baby sleeps through, walks and helps with the dishes. And now cooks dinner.

And if your friends are dragging you down but aren't actually ill or struggling, find new friends. Some people are joy hoovers. They suck all the humour and fun and happiness out of lives surrounding them.

I hope I have met the needs of your OP now. I didn't read it very carefully the second time. Just felt inspired to write!

[Onlyaplasticbagdear]

Think you've misunderstood the op keep...

[keeponkeeponkeepon]

I think you need to hear from mums who did find it difficult but got through. Hearing from the type of mum who without irony refers to it as a babymoon and may not be able to grasp the anxiety and sadness you feel won't help.

I can't post in detail now but will come back

It gets better. I promise, promise, promise you.

[53rdAndBird]

I do know what you mean, OP, and I think it's maybe because you had such a hard time earlier on that this all seems so much easier in comparison.

I had a baby who was objectively hard in lots of ways at the newborn stage (unputdownable non-sleeper), but I just sailed through it all on a cloud of euphoria because I'd had a really hard awful pregnancy and it felt soooooo much better than that. I've heard the same from other women who've had the same pregnancy issues I did, too.

[DoubleCarrick]

I'm being as supportive as I can. I provide biscuits, text when I know my friends babies have jabs, walk the dog, maintain the house and am currently trying to feed a baby who screams every time I put the teat I his mouth.

Thankyou to all those who have posted being supportive. I'm sorry to anyone who I offended.

My main challenge is trying to get these bloody bottles not to leak. Now that IS a challenge!

[Flumpernickel]

Agreed gruffalo If I had had DS (child 2) first, then DD (born first) would never have existed!

DD is more than making up for it through the teenage years though (now 17)... DS is now a dream, and I am desperately hoping that 'kevin' never kicks in! (Now 10)

[mimiholls]

There are multiple factors that affect how easy or difficult people find it. Feeding difficulties, birth trauma, support from partner and family, expectations, pnd, to name but a few in the early stages. You will without a doubt not find it plain sailing continuously with a baby who's only 10 weeks old. Why don't you just try to support your friends who are finding things tough and I'm sure you will be able to count on their support in return in the future.

[GruffaloPants]

You are 10 weeks in. Don't worry, you will have times when you find being a parent difficult!

Baby's nature plays a part, I think. DD2 is a very chilled wee thing, feeds well, sleeps well (though was premature and has bad reflux). If I'd had her first I wouldn't have understood why so many people think babies are so difficult. But I had DD1, who ably answered that

[Devilishpyjamas]

So far I mean (sorry ds2 was texting me at the same time).

[Devilishpyjamas]

To be fair to OP she's hardly had an easy time of it yet.

[Flumpernickel]

Hahaha 10 weeks in and parenting is a breeze so far huh?

Thanks OP, I needed a good belly laugh .

Funniest thing I have read in ages.

[Onlyaplasticbagdear]

At ten weeks it was a breeze for me too, DS was the easiest newborn.

At 4 months the shit hit the fan. Don't count your chickens!