My husband is constantly correcting my pronunciation.

[Estilou]

I am from a nice area and I think if you spoke to me you would think I spoke quite nicely or would say just normally. I have no accent. However my husband is constantly correcting me. He says I am dropping my 'h's. I am finding it difficult to have a normal conversation with him because every time we are just chatting away normally he will correct me which really grates on me and ruins the flow of conversation.

I am also on maternity leave so often he is the only adult I speak to all day, so to not be able to have a normal conversation with even him is getting me down. We have been married quite a number of years but this problem seems to have got worse in the last 12 months. He says because my speech has deteriorated and he doesn't want our children to pick up my poor prenunciation.

I tried to speak to him today about it but he said I was being ridiculous and starting an argument over nothing and being over sensitive.

Any advice on what to do about this.

[Purr400]

I really feel for you. I would tell him outright that his behaviour is demeaning and it's is making you loose your confidence. Don't be rude to him like I was rude to my husband.

My husband is Scottish and keeps pointing out that I lengthen my vowels (from Essex) and he shortens them. I don't ever mention how he speaks other than if he talks with his mouth full.
Tonight he corrected me when I was talking about Bilbao in Spain, saying I didn't pronounce that properly. My husband is half Basque (not allowed to say Spanish) and half Anglo Indian) After being corrected I did a bad thing and told him to go 'fuck himself'

I am now getting so paranoid about the way I speak I am investigating having elocution lessons.

His sister is a speech therapist
. Her accent is like a posh Scottish accent. I have given up talking to her on the phone because my husband has made me paranoid about the way I am speaking.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Believe: it's all done in a jokey kind of way. We take the piss out of each other and eye roll. This is not what undermining means to me and Dh. Our first parenting rule is not to undermine the other one. Eg If DH said the kids couldn't do something but I thought he was being harsh (and vice versa) we would go into another room to discuss it till we reached a compromise. I wouldn't go against what he said as that's undermining him.

Correcting grammar in a good-humoured banter type of way is nothing like undermining the other person with parenting rules and boundaries. Our kids are very well-behaved. And speak with correct use of grammar.

[YouAreMyRain]

How long have you been together? Has he started undermining you in other ways since you got pregnant/gave birth? It often changes the dynamics in a relationship and can bring out people's nasty/controlling side unfortunately

[Believeitornot]

Yes but still pull him on it not in front of the DCs. Undermining each other isn't very nice for your DCs.

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Believe: "Why not have a quiet word with him privately and explain it?" I don't need to explain it as he knows what the correct version is. He CHOOSES to use the incorrect version sometimes, mostly to the kids. Which to be honest, I think is shittier than me correcting him!

[VashtaNerada]

I have to be so careful I don't do this to DH - he picks up lots of Amercian pronounciations from TV ("vayse" instead of "varse" for vase; the letter "zee" instead of "zed"; "zeebra" rather than "zebra"). It's obviously not incorrect if you're American but we have no ties there whatsoever, and it's really jarring in his otherwise London accent.
BUT... I do really try not to be a dick about it and just let it go. He's dyslexic which I think has something to do with it and really can't help it.

[Believeitornot]

That's pretty shitty Curly. Undermine and belittle your dh in front of the kids? Why not have a quiet word with him privately and explain it?

OP - your dh sounds awful. My dh does that sometimes - or did. He's not so bad now because I've told him that I think that he thinks I'm stupid and he was quite mortified. His family all do it - jump on each other if they say something incorrectly. It just stilts conversation and puts you on edge. I also ask him not to do it to the DCs because I don't want them to grow up feeling they have to think very carefully about what they say vevause they don't want to look stupid.

[hardtopinpoint]

Why are you letting him? Tell him to fuck off every time he does it.

[Newtoday]

He's not correcting your pronunciation. You cannot correct the general pronunciation of a native speaker adult. You are not speaking incorrectly. PhD in linguistics here. Native speakers are, in fact, capable of speaking many dialects and often knowing when to speak which and using that knowledge is as advantageous to the brain as bilingualism (take note vfor!)

He's being a disrespectful knob.

[VforVienetta]

I know it's rude and somewhat disrespectful but I've found myself correcting DH a bit recently - he works in construction and goes very Laaahndan when he's speaking to workmates, and it's creeping over into his normal voice more and more these days. It gets on my nerves, as the DC pick it up and I'm trying to get DS1 to annunciate more clearly as it is.

[Sgtmajormummy]

"Are you even listening to what I have to say or are you more interested in being a twat pronunciation policeman?"

I actually said "being obtuse". Work colleague.

[crazycatguy]

I'm Canadian. I'm regularly called out on pronunciation or use of words by snooty (generally elderly) people who clearly have nothing better to do with their lives.

Words are used for communication and understanding. If they know the word well enough to correct you on your usage or pronunciation, then your objective of using that word or pronunciation succeeded.

Fuck off, fook off or furk off. They all mean the same thing and are understood by all.

[CocktailQueen]

Ooh. I don't like this - but tbh if dh says something wrong I will his correct his grammar. Eg if he says - I did this quick - I will say 'quickly', and if he says I rung, I will say. 'Rang'. So, sitting on the fence here...

[CurlyhairedAssassin]

Dropping h's doesn't really bother me. Incorrect use of grammar does. DH has a habit of saying "you was" to the kids. He doesn't always say it with me and I'm pretty sure he doesn't use it in work. It's not even all the time to the kids. I've noticed his dad does it but his mum doesn't so he gets it from his dad. And I don't want it to be passed down again. If the kids pick it up and start using it in written work in school I wouldn't be happy, so I'm afraid I do correct him in front of the kids and tell them not to copy Dad. His usual response is to roll his eyes and start using an over the top posh voice for the next few sentences. I roll my eyes back at him and then it is forgotten about. Till he does it next time!

[RockinHippy]

He is behaving like a first class patronising nob-jockey !

Forget trying to talk to him about this, he's made it clear there is no point as he minimised your efforts in earlier attempts at the conversation. You need to get your "how fucking dare you" head on & put him back in his place!!

My own DH did something similar way back, not speech, but a similar sort of bossy, patronising shit. Apart from looking him right in the eye & quietly but very angrily calling him out on it every time he did it, I started doing it back to him.

He must have plenty of irritating habits too, even if they don't normally bother you so much, start pulling him up & patronising him on every single one of them, be very pointed about it, look him defiantly in the eyes etc - trust me, he will soon get the point & stop - good luck

[wobblywonderwoman]

Picks

Twang .. Grr

[wobblywonderwoman]

That's awful but my mothet pills me up on this type of thing (more local teang I have picked up having lived 20 years here)

Its horrible and demeaning. He is pegging you down and I wouldn't be long telling him to shut up or you won't speak to him again

[leaveittothediva]

That's the one thing I absolutely hate, unless you are having a hard time understanding someone, shut your mouth, and don't be correcting them. He's rude and he's being a twat. I've always found a Newcastle accent very difficult to understand, but I've just sat there and smiled, and hoped to God, that they wouldn't think I was rude. (I'm not being offensive to anyone from Newcastle by the way either).

[TwoWeeksInCyprus]

Phone a friend and have a nice chat with them instead.

Who on earth does he think he is?!

[gamerchick]

Yeah actually my first thought was as above... Punch him every time he does it, like that laggy band aversion therapy thing.

[GoldFishFingerz]

Or just stop the conversation completely when he does it. Go off calmly and do your own thing.

[GoldFishFingerz]

Every time he corrects you, drop your T's for the rest of the conversation. Then if he makes a fuss, next drop your R's

[wtffgs]

Yuk! I teach primary kids so do quite a bit of correction and sometimes pull my own kids up on it (8 & 10). I would go batshit if another adult tried to change the way I speak. Does this nobbishness extend to other areas of his behaviour?

[GoldFishFingerz]

I think his correction would make me speak cockney or brummie just to wind him up.