17 month and newborn- how on earth?!!!!

[Chattycat78]

So we have a 17 month old ds and also a 3 week old. 3 week old was premature and spent 2 weeks in special care. He's still tiny. Dh is off work on pat leave but going beck next week. I'm panicking about how on earth I'm going to cope on my own with the two of them!

Ds1 is very high maintenance. There is no respite unless he is in bed. He wants to be constantly on the run and off. He wont sit still. Feeding the baby is going to be very difficult with him like this. I can't see that he would sit quietly reading a book while I feed the baby - it's just not how he is. On top of this, he has developed massive attachment to dh who has had to do most of the childcare for him as I was in hospital for a week and had a c section, so still can't lift him. He doesn't like me very much either and only wants dh (goes into meltdown when dh leaves the room but ignores me). He also keeps trying to kick me and hit me which is not ideal. I guess it's his way of dealing with the new baby.

Ds1 is also going through a picky eating phase. He throws pretty much whatever you try to get him to eat unless it's fruit or bread. With things as they are I don't see how I'll have the time to cook anything for him, let alone loads of different choices for each meal!

Ds2 is obviously newborn and needs constant feeding. I'm up through the night of course, so the effects of sleep deprivation are starting to kick in now. I can't sleep when the baby sleeps obviously, and when the toddler sleeps, the baby is awake....

How do I manage all this alone?
How can I even shower or leave the house?!!! The thought of leaving the house with the two of them alone makes me feel quite panicky to be honest. What if the baby needed feeding? I can't feed a baby and watch a toddler at the same time. However, we've recently moved to a new area so I need to try to get out to meet other mums- I don't know anyone here.

Help!

Ps I really need an alcoholic drink! Of course breastfeeding largely prevents this....😒

[AnnaMarlowe]

congrats on your new baby.

I have twins so it's not completely comparable but:

Shower and eat breakfast before your DH leaves for work
17 month old doesn't need a cooked lunch, a cold lunch is fine. Put it together the night before.
If you go out 17 month old will need to be secured in a high chair/buggy while you feed the baby so pack nibbles/colouring/books/small toys.
The attachment to DH is a phase - it will calm down.
Get out of the house every day, e en if you just stick them in the buggy and walk to the shops/library/park
Buy a sling for baby if you haven't already.

Good luck.

[MaisieDotes]

I just did this, although DS2 wasn't premature and I didn't have a c-section. You've had a couple of tough breaks already

DS2 is now 5mo and DS1 is 22mo. We have had the same situation with DS1 adoring DH and only wanting him, but in a way it worked out all right as it meant that DS2 was happy to spend extra time with DH at weekends and the fact that I was busy with the baby wasn't such a big deal.

I got through it by pretending I was running a very small nursery and it was my job. I stopped trying to do anything else other than childcare while I was on my own with them. It gets gradually easier and I found 3-4 months a big turning point.

If I had to do it again I'd probably try to get some help, even a couple of hours a week.

[3littlebadgers]

You are me 9 years ago! The only difference being DH was away at sea for the first three months and we were living overseas so I was on my own.
You will manage, don't doubt yourself. A baby sling will be your best friend. Spend intense high quality play time with dc1 for 10 minutes, only do one or two jobs that need doing. Cook simple meals. When DH is home, let him do bath time or something to give you time.
It does get easier, mine are 9 and 10 now and are the best of friends.

[MollyBloomYes]

You can do it! Honestly you can Ds1 was 19 months when ds2 was born, also by c section. I also had the added bonus of my husband buggering off four weeks before the birth so had family step in. It was bloody scary my mum going back to work but we managed!

Some thoughts:
Get a sling, doesn't have to be expensive, try searching for groups on Facebook
Let toddler eat bread and fruit, doesn't have to be forever!
The attachment to your DH will ease, toddlers are fickle things! My DS was a bit obsessed with my mum for a bit! The longer he spends with just you the easier it will get but his world has been a bit shaken up and he needs to readjust.
Do lots of easy suppers for a while, stuff you can chuck on a baking tray (or your DH can)
Can your DH do a phased return to work at all?
My toddler is incredibly active, it is a challenge but CBeebies helps. Have you got any outside space you can run out into? Get a cheap small ball pool for the living room? Old cardboard box to hide in? I also have a stairgate across the living room door if I know I'm going to be pinned to the sofa for a feed.
I know it's not for everyone but is co sleeping at night a possibility? I learnt to feed lying down and get so much more sleep! This I think is the secret to me staying sane!

Ds2 is now 6 months and the bond is just beginning to show between them and it is lovely! It will pay off I promise!