I just wonder if anyone else has come across this attitude. Seems like my partner is criticised for his parenting by people who barely know us.
For instance:
"He is going to be a stay at home dad"
- other person invariably pulls an 'eek' face despite never having met him
- Whenever I express to my (childless) friends I don't want to go on a night out because of the baby, they immediately leap to attack him, saying such things as
- "___ should give you a break, I'm sure he is perfectly capable of looking after his own child"
- "I would never stop my wife from having a social life" (from a married man with two kids who knows us hardly at all)
Meanwhile the real reason I don't want to go out is for some other reason, completely unrelated to my husband's supposed unwillingness to take care of DS. It just seems that even before I give an excuse they blame it on my partner.
Also, people are always so quick to tell him (and never me) how to parent. They will say he's being too loud when he talks to the baby, or he's being to gentle and for goodness sake he's a little boy not a china doll. My mum heavily criticises me for leaving him alone with the baby when I go out as 'men can't cope'.
I mean wtf?
It's not even something my partner is actually doing wrong as most of these people come out with this stuff barely knowing him, or not at all. Do people just not like men looking after their own kids?
Meanwhile on the other end of the spectrum my single,childless friends are all for me going out all the time and leaving baby with him. Fact is, that's ok sometimes but surely it's not such a bad thing to say I don't want to leave the baby when I know he's not going to settle without me? I mean he would spend the night screaming and I would not enjoy myself as I would be fretting about it. I know things will change when he gets older.
People rarely criticise my own parenting skills and DS is nearly 1 now, but since he was born it seems like people are always pointing out my partners mistakes or offering 'advice'. In particular, people are very keen to 'defend' me and attack him when I have mentioned anything that only I can do for the baby. Like, my partner is a very deep sleeper and doesn't wake for the baby crying. We have tried this a few ways but in the end I am happy enough to get up, should DS wake in the night. I have to breast feed anyway so it makes sense. It doesn't bother us, though I know he felt guilty about this, but one woman snappily said "well he'll just have to get up, won't he? It's his child too!"
I was taken aback as I didn't know her very well and would not tolerate people being so rude about him normally.
Does everyone else just have lazy, horrible husbands and they think our relationship is just as bad? At the moment I am the stay at home parent and he works long hours (though we are about to swap roles) so I do look after the baby more, but all things considered I feel we are each doing our fair share and our relationship has never been better.
So is this criticism normal? And if so, what do you say to defend your man?